Monday, August 30, 2010

finally i feel like myself

so it looks like if i get chemo on thursday morning that by monday morning i am pretty much back to myself again. minus that i have cancer and i need to lay low. and except for my mouth (it hurts real bad) and feeling tired. not so much fatigue, mostly just not wanting to get ready. but i hated getting ready pre-cancer so who knows.

justin has started cooking for me now. he made tomato bisque, guacamole, chicken salad, and these fabulous breakfast sandwiches. he said he never cooked before because he did not have a kitchen he was excited about and now he does! i love it. i love that i feel like i am getting to know him all over again. in the best way possible. with all these new surprises. little and big. but regardless they are all good ones.

last night when he came to bed he kissed my shoulder and said, "you are not alone. you are not alone in this..." i think he thought i was sleeping. but i wasn't. i am thankful i am not alone. i do not feel alone though. something i am real thankful for because it would be easy to live in despair. many people choose despair. but i choose life. and life to the full. even now. when i am tired and my mouth hurts and i would refer not to have cancer i will live in the light. now of course i get sad and ask jesus to take the pain away, but for now, today i am okay. i need these days. i will cling to them on my hardest days.

ava is thinking about crawling. and trying to pull herself up on things. so fun. her own little personality is coming through and wow there is nothing i would rather see. her sweet innocence. i need that sometimes. without a care in the world she moves through her day. she brings us real joy. and for that i am blessed.

13 comments:

  1. As I was doing laundry this morning, I was praying for you. Glad to know the Lord answered my prayers and is helping you have a better day today. Thanks for the update.

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  2. thanks for the update! always thinking of you and your family!

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  3. I'm glad to hear that you are feeling "back to your old self"
    Thanks for the update :)

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  4. This post made me tear up. Your husband is so sweet, and you all are just so precious. I will continue to pray for you sweet girl.

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  5. so glad to hear your voice today. i'll be in touch soon to let you know when i can come. looking forward to tasting justin's guac. =)

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  6. Happy to hear you are feeling better today. I will be praying for a healing for the sore in your mouth & strength. Also, very happy you have Ava & Justin during this time!
    Karen

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  7. Love you sweet Lib. Glad you've had a better day.

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  8. You are for sure not alone...I think half of Hudson, OH is praying for you, too. I know Little Ryder is. :) So thankful to God for you being able to feel like yourself today. and we're praying for relief in your mouth. Tons of love to you tonight.

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  9. I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well." Psalm 139:14 I thought of you this morning while reading this verse.

    Thank you for sharing your journey. I think you are an amazing woman and I am so blessed to know you. Have a blessed day! ~Shirl

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  10. Libby call the nurse at the office where you get your chemo. They will have suggestions on how to deal with the mouth pain.

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  11. this post has touched close to home. Having a grandfather that has passed away recently from cancer and a mother that has it. Knowing that they are not alone helps so much.

    I pray for you and that you stay postive through all of it. Staying positive through the roughs times may not take the cancer away put makes a world of difference on the outloook.

    Better days to come. <3

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  12. So happy you feel better...I always knew Jus could be a good cook. Have a good day tomorrow. See you soon.

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  13. I am grateful for so many things: thank you for reminding me of that! I don't know if I could be grateful for cancer but I AM grateful that I get to be home with my little girls, seeing the oldest get braces yesterday, seeing my youngest go to preschool for her first day (actually orientation which I think still counts!) and for my loving husband, whom I'm sure would learn to cook if he REALLY had to!! Thank you for staying strong and getting stronger in Him! Kristy

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