its been a good day. our house was being shown a few times this morning so we got ava ready and went to breakfast. we went to cracker barrel. out of all the breakfast options, i chose that. i like the biscuits they have. we went to target. i wanted a few new tanks for the outer banks trip. justin and i have never really shopped much together, but since we are now on day 13 of our date, we basically do everything together. i found this white sheer bathing suit cover up and he said, "yes, get that. i can see you wearing that when we ride bikes in the outer banks." but it was too big. he wanted to pick out a book to read where he did not really have to think, but target has nothing. we will go to barnes and noble tonight. when we got home we took a walk and when we crossed the street i said to him, "sorry that it took me getting cancer to be nice to you..." he said of course, you have always been nice. but that is not true. i have mentioned before that this will change everything. well that is an example of how we will never go back to how we once were. i see my husband differently now. i love him in a new way. it reminds me of the summer we met. the magic of it. its just a part of this whole thing for me. life will never be what it once was and that is the gift i have found in cancer.
the mail keeps coming. today i said to justin that i bet the mailman is catching on that something is wrong because of the letters and packages. and today when he came to the door because it would not all fit in our box, i told him i was sick and that are moving. he has kinda become my friend. i mean he brings me our mail everyday.
our sweet ava is seven months old today. tonight i nursed her for the last time...i think. i thought maybe ending on her birthday was appropriate. although my goal was one year, it was not meant to be. notice how i said..i think and maybe. well then it does not seem so absolute and i like that. its sad for me. i think its something only a mom can really understand.
tonight is peaceful. ava is sleeping. justin is reading donald miller on the couch and i am getting ready for my dad and mom to arrive tonight.
and with a bit of anxiousness we wait for monday to come...