Sunday, August 8, 2010

I hate waiting, especially for news. (from Justin)

Dear Libby,

Family is refreshing. You are refreshing to me, and this last two weeks, in a sense, has been wonderful ~ extra wonderful. I want you to know it has been a GIFT. I feel like a different person after these last two weeks. Thank God, we are on the same wavelength.

Ava's concentration face is exactly like yours, which I can't get over. I just picture the two of you sitting around concentrating on things with eyes slightly open, slightly crossed, nothing breaking your stare. I really laugh hard at that thought. I want you to disciple her as she grows up. You will provide guidance in Christ that only you can. I know you the two of you will be best friends. The best thing about taking her on a date the other day was that you kept asking her, "Did daddy take you on a date?" I love it that you loved it.

There is no good cancer. There is just hard cancer. Sure, there are kinds they tell us will be more treatable with protocols and plans, but no kind will be easy. There are things we want to hear, but I will take nothing half-halfheartedly. I won't accept comfort from any medical report. Anything could happen, and we will rely on Christ. Today was hard for me cause we talked about how much you will have to endure. And you are my family. It hurts so much to face. There are no easy roads out.

I can't even imagine you having to endure the tests that are coming next week, but you will. You must. You keep fighting Libby! Don't stop baby, for Ava, all for Jesus. You, we, have been called to endure. And endure we will. There are no good cancers, but whatever comes our way tomorrow, WHATEVER they say to us about the next 6 months, the next year, or the next forever, just know this: we don't have to be afraid of anything. There is nothing they can relay to us that can push us into despair. They can't give us hope, they can only give us news. Focus with me babe, 2 Cor 1, Jesus, His Plan, His Hope, the best of HOPE. Be surprised by his hope. Don't hope in tomorrow's call, you've already been called.

I hurt with you, but today I was thinking, I don't and never will feel sorry for you. Look at you... you are living a story worth living. Tonight I was thinking about the Bengals for a second when all THIS popped back inside my mind, and I realized, you are right IN THE MIDDLE of this, facing it, talking with it, living it. It lives inside you, the cancer, there are no retreats for you. And yet you are not bitter, just real, sometimes joyful, sometimes sad, sometimes feisty, sometimes sad again, but you are authentic. This is your life, as found in His Story. All this devotion to Jesus we have had "in our heads" is becoming much less mental and much more physical. Day to Day -- You are living the story... I can tell that you feel ALIVE.

I love you. I hope I can encourage you to continue to look at what God is doing tomorrow, not the Doctors (but I pray for them on this night).


Yours, J

12 comments:

  1. So much love in this post. It is beautiful.

    I will be praying for you all too and I have asked my online community to also pray.

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  2. waiting and hoping with you..I will be praying for you all day..God is with you and will continue to bless you.
    hugs, b

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  3. We love you both & will be praying hard for the news that you will hear today. I love that you both are passionately in love with Jesus & that He alone is your comfort. You both, your hearts & lives are a blessing to us {and to many}. Wish we could hug you all.

    Love-
    Ben & Jen

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  4. I have put your story on K-LOVE and you need to know that the world is praying for your family. You are both lucky to have each other in the midst of this. From your post I know this has to be both painful and beautiful for you. Beautiful to see a side of life that bonds two people to Christ more than they thought they could be and painful to know the physical/mental challenges that are to come. Dan, Melissa and I are in constant prayer for all of you. In Christ, Monica

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  5. You dont know me...I was sent to your blog...I'm praying for you and your family. I have cried reading your posts..but I do know God is in control of all of this...wrapping it around your head is harder to do. Your faith seems so strong and you have such a great family who loves you. Praying for you from western Ky....hugs.

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  7. Our family are praying for you and your family.
    Love.
    The Bennett's family.

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  8. Hey Y'all! I just wanted you to know that when Blue cotton Memory sent me her prayer request for you it yanked at my heart. I immediately placed you on my "Prayer Line" and said a personal prayer. I also brought your name up in church, so our church is also praying for you. Just remember no matter what the doctors say, Jesus is the Great Physician. The Bible tells us to look on things that are pure, lovely and of good report. I am standing on God's word that by His stripes she is healed, and if we ask ANYTHING in HIS name (Jesus) He will do it. He also tells us to expect miracles. I am doing all of these things for your family. Would it be possible to get your e-mail? I tend to "run on" a lot of times and don't like to take up too much comment space. I also want to thank you J., for being such a loving and supportive husband. Some wouldn't know what to do or how to react to a situation like this. I am so glad that you knew WHO to turn to. We have to remember, doctors are only instruments that God uses. He is the healer. God Bless.

    Love and Prayers,
    PJ

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  9. Thank you for sharing your heart! Your love for God shows so vivid. You guys are amazing! My mom has battled cancer for 9 years now and just found out her cancer has spread back to her pacreas BUT just reading your thoughts and feelings has really helped me. Thank you

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  10. Libby, I am praying for you.

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  11. Wrapping you guys in my prayers. I was listening to some Tracy Chapman today and this song came along...and I thought of you. Tracy Chapman's Let it Rain
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CaQruycpl1w

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