I hate waiting, especially for news. (from Justin)

Dear Libby,

Family is refreshing. You are refreshing to me, and this last two weeks, in a sense, has been wonderful ~ extra wonderful. I want you to know it has been a GIFT. I feel like a different person after these last two weeks. Thank God, we are on the same wavelength.

Ava's concentration face is exactly like yours, which I can't get over. I just picture the two of you sitting around concentrating on things with eyes slightly open, slightly crossed, nothing breaking your stare. I really laugh hard at that thought. I want you to disciple her as she grows up. You will provide guidance in Christ that only you can. I know you the two of you will be best friends. The best thing about taking her on a date the other day was that you kept asking her, "Did daddy take you on a date?" I love it that you loved it.

There is no good cancer. There is just hard cancer. Sure, there are kinds they tell us will be more treatable with protocols and plans, but no kind will be easy. There are things we want to hear, but I will take nothing half-halfheartedly. I won't accept comfort from any medical report. Anything could happen, and we will rely on Christ. Today was hard for me cause we talked about how much you will have to endure. And you are my family. It hurts so much to face. There are no easy roads out.

I can't even imagine you having to endure the tests that are coming next week, but you will. You must. You keep fighting Libby! Don't stop baby, for Ava, all for Jesus. You, we, have been called to endure. And endure we will. There are no good cancers, but whatever comes our way tomorrow, WHATEVER they say to us about the next 6 months, the next year, or the next forever, just know this: we don't have to be afraid of anything. There is nothing they can relay to us that can push us into despair. They can't give us hope, they can only give us news. Focus with me babe, 2 Cor 1, Jesus, His Plan, His Hope, the best of HOPE. Be surprised by his hope. Don't hope in tomorrow's call, you've already been called.

I hurt with you, but today I was thinking, I don't and never will feel sorry for you. Look at you... you are living a story worth living. Tonight I was thinking about the Bengals for a second when all THIS popped back inside my mind, and I realized, you are right IN THE MIDDLE of this, facing it, talking with it, living it. It lives inside you, the cancer, there are no retreats for you. And yet you are not bitter, just real, sometimes joyful, sometimes sad, sometimes feisty, sometimes sad again, but you are authentic. This is your life, as found in His Story. All this devotion to Jesus we have had "in our heads" is becoming much less mental and much more physical. Day to Day -- You are living the story... I can tell that you feel ALIVE.

I love you. I hope I can encourage you to continue to look at what God is doing tomorrow, not the Doctors (but I pray for them on this night).

Yours, J