we waited all day for the dr to call with the results of my biopsy, but nothing. we will have to wait until monday and that will be very hard for us. today was a bittersweet day for me. i think its sinking in more. the fact that i have cancer. its becoming more real. i have a decent size bandage on my neck from my surgery and when we were out for dinner tonight, i was a little embarrassed about it. justin told me you could barley notice it, but i know he was lying. it was still nice of him to say that though. we sat across from each other at dinner, thanks to gift card that came in the mail today, and i did not have very much to say. i was fighting back tears and i am not exactly sure why. because i know i have cancer, i feel like everyone in the restaurant knows too and is looking at me different. how silly is that? and what bothers me is that i know that cancer is not what defines me. my identity is in christ and i'm libby ryder and i am proud of that. but you know how sometimes you may know something, but not really believe it all the time. that's what's happening for me today. i know this is part of his plan, but today, for a second i wish it wasn't. i can say that right? well i just did. i know he has a plan for me and that this is a part of it and i will fight. i will get all the tests done that my doctor tells me to and i will have chemotherapy treatments to destroy the cancer in my body...but today i wish i did not have to do any of those things. but i will. because i believe that the life i have in christ is better than anything i could do apart from him. so i will do it.
two high school girls who i love dearly cut their hair off today. i think for locks of love, but not totally sure. when they sent me the picture text one girl wrote, "i did the only thing i could to help." and the other wrote, "trying to help anyway i can." wow. love it. we got a stack of cards today and more flowers. i love when the doorbell rings and i see the ups man walking back to his truck and i look outside and see a package. thanks to the gifts cards we can finally afford my iced mocha habit. but seriously thank you for loving us and for caring for our little family. it helps on days like today. tomorrow my parents come and that is good. very good.