sorry for not posting much recently. the outer banks was restful and relaxing. it was nice to get away. we swam in the pool, played putt-putt, ate good food, played with the babies, and enjoyed way too much candy from my sweet aunt janie (she knows us girls well). but now we are home. back in our house and our own bed. oh, how i missed my bed.
today at 7:30am justin and arrived at the hospital for my bone marrow biopsy and my metaport (that way they can administer my chemo easier). all in all it went well. sweet nurses and a great doctor who assured me i could have as many drugs as i wanted to and i would not feel any pain. she was correct. although i was awake for both procedures it was not painful and they both went fine. we will not know the results of my bone marrow biopsy until our appt on aug 24 with our oncologist. the metaport kills. i have been in pain all day. i am nauseous and tired, but can not seem to sleep. maybe i will tonight.
its been exactly three weeks since we found out about my cancer and today is the first day that i have experienced real pain. not like crazy pain, more like really uncomfortable, like someone please take this foreign object out of my body (not the cancer, the stupid metaport). they told me it will get better. but i can not pick up ava for two weeks. TWO WEEKS...are you kidding me. that sounds awful and sad and again reminds me this is real and actually happening. but we have help from my sweet family until sunday. i like that they are here to take care of us and watch ava during all of our appointments. family feels like home.
the nurse today said, "wow i bet its been a nightmare for you guys since you found out three weeks ago..." i did not respond, but i immediately thought, nope not a nightmare. never occurred to me to think of it like that. not because i am strong or anything, because this sucks. cancer is not very fun at all and i hate it. but i do not hate it because i think its unfair or why me...but mostly because i would prefer not to have cancer. but i trust jesus more than i ever have in my life and i can already see how he is using this in such huge ways and i love it. he is real and he is good. all the time.
thank for all the emails and mail we got this past week and the fun packages. it bring me lots of joy and we appreciate it so much. as i am writing i can hear my darling ava in the living room laughing at her daddy and i can not hold back my tears. she laughs the most with him. i also laugh the most with him. so i guess her and i really are a lot alike. the Lord knew we would need ava during this season of life. she keeps me from staying in bed all day and for that i am very thankful.