yesterday pretty much confirmed that all this is real. no more denial and no more numbness for me. this is happening. i have cancer. unless God does something crazy, like i know he can, we are mentally preparing ourselves the best we can for the long road ahead. the dr said i will probably lose my hair, but that i could get a wig or something. right of the bat i said, oh no not for me. i am a scarf girl. cute fashionable ones please. does not matter if am bald, wearing a scarf, or a wig, people will stare. i know because i have stared at people. but now i will look at people with deep sincere compassion and empathy. i would ask you to do the same too. i may even ask my sweet sister who is gifted photographer to take some pictures of me and ava with no hair. she is bald still. its precious. she wears big huge bows those to distract from her baldness. but now i am thinking i want to embrace her sweet baldness a bit more.
i was so sick last night. my dr gave me vicodin, but it made me sick. so i took a little tylenol pm and went to bed no problem. sore. but ok. ava slept in until eight this morning. that has been my main prayer and the Lord delivered. she still seems to enjoy her sucky formula, although weaning her is very sad for me, since i was trying to nurse for a year, i knows its whats best for her and for me during this time. i asked justin to cancel my PET scan for today, but when he called they said, sorry her medication is being driven in from washington, dc this morning so we are going to need her to come in today. wow i must be special. all the way from dc huh. just kidding. i am just tired and uncomfortable, but she said the PET scan is easy and they will make sure i am as comfortable as possible. this morning as been good so far. justin fed ava her bottle in bed with us and that is such a precious time with her. she now has two teeth coming in on the bottom. oh, my sweet sweet baby. justin went to dunkin donuts to get my favorite donut. chocolate frosting with sprinkes. he is taking care of it all and that gives me such peace.
yesterday i got a big fat package from my sweet friend angie. also flowers from my cousin and his wife. so fun to come home to after surgery. also some cards, endless emails, texts, and calls...i usually cry when i read them. thank you for loving us and taking the time to join us on this journey. God is so good. the way people are loving us and caring for us right now has given me a glimpse of how God intended this world to be. that is why he is so good because he is the designer of it all and his plan is better than anything i could have made up in my head. i love that.