i cried today reading an email from someone i do not even know. its weird huh. but she wrote this, “as you know your life as you knew it is over and you will come to grips with your new normal. my new normal is better than i’d hoped for. jesus has been so good to me, when i least of all deserved it.” i cried because i hate the thought that the life i once knew is over. but the joy...oh, the immense joy is that the life i knew (which i loved by the way) i love it even more now. funny how cancer does that. but its true. i would never wish cancer upon anyone, but i would wish for everyone the chance to see life as i do now. not the cliche the grass is greener stuff…but the heart stuff. the things that really matter. the new way i look at justin. i never knew i could love him this much. i was too blind. the new way he looks at me. would not trade it for a million dollars. seriously i wouldn’t and i would like a million dollars. i want nothing more than for all my dear young life girls to settle for nothing less than a man that looks at them the way my husband looks at me. and cancer did this you see. me having cancer brought us to this place and the more it settles in my soul the more thankful i become. i need days like these. i need days where i am thankful for cancer, because most days i hate it. its easy to focus on the pain and sit in that for a while. but i trust that there is more going on here. way more than i can see right now. not sure what but i know that the God I serve is a big God and his plan is the best. its what we are holding onto and its working because i do feel a real peace in my heart about our new normal.