Sunday, August 29, 2010

its sunday

the past couple days have been a fog. i slept a lot with random bursts of energy that did not last more than fifteen minutes. justin has been perfect. without him i would not have made it. ava is so fun. babbling all day long...as we wait for words to come. words we can understand that is. despite being exhausted and nauseous it has not been that bad, until yesterday afternoon. i have this pain in my mouth that i would not wish upon my worst enemy. its like a thousand little pin pricks all over your mouth and tongue. its horrible. i just got some medicine that numbs it. thank goodness. during our chemo education appt we were given some information on possible effects of chemo. so when my mouth started to hurt i read the section on mouth sores. it was comforting when it said, "the pain will subside after chemo." well thank you. just six months to go until the pain subsides.

its hard thinking that today, right now is the best i am going to feel for months. my nurse said during chemo that it will only get harder. the more chemo is in my body the harder it will be to feel "normal." that makes me a little sad and annoyed and frustrated. its getting harder now because the pain is physical. not just emotional anymore, but physically i feel different and that is hard to get used to. i just cant do what i am used to doing because i am so exhausted. this is only the beginning. its going to be a long road. we are going to have to ask for help even we would rather do it on our own. justin is going to need a break from always caring for us and i think reality is settling in. and its going to take some getting used to.

24 comments:

  1. Oh Libby, I'm sorry that you are having more pain. Six months seems like a long time in some respects, but like a flash in time in other respects...just think back to when Ava was born; I'll bet you can give every detail and it seems like just yesterday. I'll pray that this painful, sick time will pass quickly for you.

    As for the help, you have a huge "family" in Chesapeake, and we are here for you. A call or text will be all we need. Trying to respect your need for privacy during this difficult time, but willing to help where I can...just say the word.

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  2. Dear Libby, You do not know me....but daily I am praying for you and lifting your family to our Lord. When my grandmother had cancer she said the feeling of being under the wing of Christ care was worth having cancer....I don't know...I don't have cancer, but I pray for this comfort for you daily. Love and prayers, Melanie Brewer

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  3. Libby,
    I hate that your mouth was hurting. I pray that medicine continues to numb it. I also wish you didn't have to endure the next six months of treatment. How crazy that its called chemotherapy..."therapy"...sounds soooo not therapuetic but we all trust that God uses it for your healing. I know what a bright spot that new furniture (yay!) must be in the midst of beginning chemo. I hope you and Ava have lots of fun cuddle time on the couch :)I will pray for you to keep on keeping on. One day, Ava will know all about how tough her mommy really is.

    Love,
    Aimee

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  4. Just know I think of you often!!!

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  5. please don't hesitate to ask me to help with anything. I'm serious! we prayed in church today for specific people with physical illnesses like cancer and chronic pain, etc. I prayed for you as I'm sure many others who know of you did as well. continuing to pray often!

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  6. sweet libby, praying this season of your life will pass quickly. i would love your adress so i can send something. praying for you always.

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  7. Praying that God will give you and justin the stamina you need for the race. I'll bet that when Justin takes a break here or there, he'll be counting the minutes until he's back at the river house with his girls. That's him.
    Love you.

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  8. Libby, my girls (chelsea and courtney) shared your blog with me and today is the first day i have been able to really read it. my heart is so filled with emotion. sad for your pain, heart broken for the chemo, happy for the love people have showed you, amazed at your supportive husband and blown away by your ability to see the bright spot god gives you each day. you may lose your hair, you may hurt, you may be exhuasted....but satan will never rob you of your ability to love and be loved. hang tough, you and justin are in my prayers. rachel holroyd

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  9. new mercies with each new morning, Libby. this is my prayer over you

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  10. Hi Libby. So sad to hear about all the pain and suffering that you are going through. Please know that I can come over and help watch Ava if you guys need a break, I'm sure Keeli and Liv would adore playing with her :) We have missed seeing your sweet family at church and were delighted to see Justin this morning. Thinking about you all and lifting you up in prayer!

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  11. Brint and Barbara WrightAugust 29, 2010 at 2:49 PM

    Libby, please know that our family is fervently praying for you, your recovery, your stamina, and your victory over this disease. Through Cliff, Laura, and Justin we have come to know you as part of our extended family. We love you and are requesting prayers for you from all of our friends, family, and church brothers and sisters. We trust that the Lord has you in his arms.
    Brint and Barbara Wright

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  12. I know that we don't know each other, but we are sisters in Christ. I pray for you often and I am inspired by your attitude during this whole ordeal. You are bringing glory to God!

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  13. Libby...can not wait to visit...see you soon. Get your rest so you can be strong. I will teach Ava to say Pop Pop while I am there.

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  14. Libby - I am so sorry that you have the mouth sores and I am sorrier still for the length of time you may have them. Lots of prayers for you and Justin and Ava.

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  15. I am sorry to hear about the effects of chemo. I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

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  16. Libby,
    The Lord bless you and keep you, and make His face to shine upon you.
    Thanks for "keeping it real" and sharing your difficult and amazing journey with us. I do not know you, but because of Jesus, you are my sister. I am rooting for you, and will pray for you. Your life is truly beautiful...and is blessing others. May you find comfort through your pain...and comfort others with the comfort you have received.
    Love in Christ, Jen McGovern

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  17. Thank you for continuing to keep us all up-to-date... you really are quite amazing. I send you a big hug and please remember I am praying and thinking of you, Justin and Ava constantly.
    ~With much love Shirl

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  18. "Do you not know?

    Have you not heard?

    The Lord is the everlasting God,

    the Creator of the ends of the earth.

    He will not grow tired or weary,

    and his understanding no one can fathom.

    29He gives strength to the weary

    and increases the power of the weak.

    30Even youths grow tired and weary,

    and young men stumble and fall;

    31but those who hope in the Lord

    will renew their strength.

    They will soar on wings like eagles;

    they will run and not grow weary,

    they will walk and not be faint."

    Isaiah 40:28-31


    Felt this was for you, dear one. I love you.

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  19. So I said to the Lord
    "You promised me Lord,
    that if I followed you,
    you would walk with me always.
    But I have noticed that during
    the most trying periods of my life
    there have only been one
    set of footprints in the sand.

    Why, when I needed you most,
    have you not been there for me?"
    The Lord replied,
    "The times when you have
    seen only one set of footprints,
    is when I carried you."


    REMEMBER TO REST IN HIS ARMS AS HE CARRIES YOU THROUGH THIS!

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  20. Libby you and your family are in our thoughts and prayers. I honestly dont know what to write, thank you! Thank you for being such a beautiful example. For being strong, for being a great wife and mother even when you don't have the physical strength. And most importantly for sharing Christ even to those of us who "thought" we knew him. I continue to pray for your healing and also praise God for all of the people who are going to come to know him through your example. Stay strong and continue to keep Him first.
    Jennie Wells

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  21. Libby (Langeland) EppingaAugust 30, 2010 at 9:31 AM

    Hi Lib.
    Take it one day at a time.

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  22. You dont know me but heard of you via a friend..our family is praying for you!! We are praying for your healing and His grace to hold you through this! May you trust in Him for He is our refuge,may He give you comfort,strength and Hope!!
    Love in Christ-
    the braaten family

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  23. not that i know from experience, but i guess that like childbirth and other pain we experience-you will remember that it was a painful experience but you will not remember the intensity of the pain. praying that the time will pass quickly for you.

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  24. Libby, I know exactly what you are going through. I have been a breast cancer survivor for 8 years now. My children were older when I had to tell them about my cancer. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do, including the chemo/radiation. I was so sick from chemo, that sometimes I didn't think I could take another one, but my husband always gave me pep talks the night before as I lie in bedding crying. If it had not been for him, I don't think I could have done it.
    Libby, I promise you that you will make it through this and your hair will grow back. You will be a much stronger person because of what you are going through. I will keep you in my prayers and think of you a lot.
    PS Jennifer and Ben B are my family. Jen is my niece and I know she will be praying for you also. You just hang in there sweetie and you will be fine.
    Connie Rose
    Union, Kentucky

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