the past couple days have been a fog. i slept a lot with random bursts of energy that did not last more than fifteen minutes. justin has been perfect. without him i would not have made it. ava is so fun. babbling all day long...as we wait for words to come. words we can understand that is. despite being exhausted and nauseous it has not been that bad, until yesterday afternoon. i have this pain in my mouth that i would not wish upon my worst enemy. its like a thousand little pin pricks all over your mouth and tongue. its horrible. i just got some medicine that numbs it. thank goodness. during our chemo education appt we were given some information on possible effects of chemo. so when my mouth started to hurt i read the section on mouth sores. it was comforting when it said, "the pain will subside after chemo." well thank you. just six months to go until the pain subsides.
its hard thinking that today, right now is the best i am going to feel for months. my nurse said during chemo that it will only get harder. the more chemo is in my body the harder it will be to feel "normal." that makes me a little sad and annoyed and frustrated. its getting harder now because the pain is physical. not just emotional anymore, but physically i feel different and that is hard to get used to. i just cant do what i am used to doing because i am so exhausted. this is only the beginning. its going to be a long road. we are going to have to ask for help even we would rather do it on our own. justin is going to need a break from always caring for us and i think reality is settling in. and its going to take some getting used to.