my parents arrived in virginia late last night. i took a vicodin for my leg pain and feel asleep, but woke up when they got to our house around 12:30am. it was great to see them and to finally be together. i hope it was good for them to see that i am okay. that we are okay. we got our usual iced mochas and spent the morning talking. i love that. just sitting together and drinking coffee. its feels comforting to me. we packed up today and drove to williamsburg for a wonderful brunch and a little outlet shopping. it was nice to get away. it is way more fun to shop for ava than myself though. we checked into our hotel and rested while ava napped. we went to dinner tonight and ava was great. i kissed her more tonight than i think i have ever. i am falling more in love with her by the second. i was able to ask my parents questions tonight about how they are feeling about everything. its hard to talk about. i mean i want to talk about and i am glad we do, but sometimes i just wish we did not have to. its hard because i can see their pain. i can see it in justin too. its all over him. its real and tomorrow will be big. pray for that. please pray its what we think it is, because i am not prepared for anything else.
last night i woke up at 4am from a horrible dream and i turned over and justin was still awake. i told him my dream was real scary, but in my dream i did not have cancer. so when i woke up i remembered that i did and i got really sad. not an ordinary sad, but like a deep inside sad. hopefully we can sleep tonight.