This is for all husbands who have experienced something like this, and struggled with, I would guess, these couple things that I am struggling with. I hope this is somewhat practical for our family and friends, so you know our hearts and what's going on. Here are a couple of things I have been thinking about for days, and I honestly struggled whether to put them out there, but I feel like it honors Libby and helps people to understand that trusting in God is not effortless, but a process. And the process, is good. Its good for us, its growing us up. Its NOT AS IF we don't want to trust God, we do, its just learning to trust him in new ways under new circumstances.
1.Making Libby comfortable myself versus setting her up to be comforted by Christ (and want more comfort from Him more than anything else).Where is the line? This is something that has been all but resolved in my heart. The TWO blend together because they are supposed to. I never have to "pull back" from loving her so she seeks Christ on her own. No, loving her really hard is an example of Christ. This has been wonderful to get clarity on, and fun to do! "Perfect Love casts out fear" of doing it wrong. AS I love her she feels the love of Christ. No holding back. No reserves, all of it will point her to Christ.
2. Wishing I had a lot more money verses relying on the Lord and hoping in Him, and asking Him, for everything. He has not failed yet in working through people and circumstances to make stuff happen. You get a sense there is a bigger thing going on behind the scenes. As soon as this happened, I wanted to take Libby to Paris (I don't even think she wants to go...) but I just thought, "Maybe in Paris we will be more comfortable, cause Paris carries that kind of reputation". Probably not, and Libby and I have talked about this many times as well, cause wherever you go, you are there, and you are still yourself, and you still have this problem. So stand firm.
3. This is a big one: being around family. I want her to be around family as much as possible in this. She loves her family, and it does her so well to be around them! However, its OK that we are called to Chesapeake and moved here, and it has been the greatest gift to me to see our family here surround us with love and care.
2. Accepting help is like accepting Grace, it's hard to do. I am so into it now, however, because I so long to accept grace, gracefully. And so many people have helped. But it's true for us, and true for everyone, that its certainly easier to just keep busy with different tasks and things, versus really going there with this thing. Really coming up close to God and saying, "I'm mad", or "I'm happy", but "I'm yours" nevertheless. There is NO QUITTING, because our life in Christ is not a hobby, doesn't feel like a hobby, and never has been. It feels like a family, it feels like there is a person INVOLVED in our lives, the person of Jesus. I have quit many hobbies, but never any people. If you quit a person, don't you have to make the decision for them, that they will quit too? Certainly we couldn't ever make that decision for Jesus. He is who He is. It feels as if there were someone in a room, and regardless of what we say, that person will still be in the room. (I have recently heard of someone quitting Christianity and didn't understand that... is that like telling Jesus to leave the room? What if he says NO?) I loved talking to my friend Rick the other day, and was so encouraged to really go there with this. Of course, that's easy for me to say, but harder for Libby to do. Pray for that for her. Wow. She is walking into deep waters here that I do not understand from experience, but we long to experience this together.
Stand firm. Gal 5:1.
"Christianity hasn't been tried and found wanting", wrote G.K. Chesterton, "It has been found difficult and left untried."