it is a gorgeous day. justin spent most of the day laying in his hammock right on the river. totally peaceful. our good friend aimee is here with her one year old, charis. we want ava and charis to be friends, but its too soon to tell. we sat on the porch while the girls slept and drank iced mochas. i never really thought much about my dunkin donut habit, but today i think i figured it out. pre-cancer getting coffee was kind of a special treat for me. but now its nearly a daily special treat for me and i think it brings a little joy. not like real deep joy, that would be strange. but the basic...i like that drink so i will go to the drive thru and order it. its something real small, but i look forward to it.
i have been feeling so much better this time around. my mouth has been bothering me a little bit, but not nearly as bad as before. for sure tired though. its amazing how exhausted i am. but overall much better. with friends coming and going there is a lot of cancer talk. and its good. its good to process it and hear how other people are handling my cancer and how they are dealing with it. its gives me insight. its nice to see friends i have not seen in a while. cancer has brought the people we love together. and i am so thankful. its interesting how "crisis" does that. its very refreshing to spend time with people i love in the midst of this.
since chemo on thursday i have been thinking about what it will be like when i get my last chemo treatment. i bet it has to be a mix of emotions. thankful to be done. of course. but i wonder if its hard to enter back into "real life" once you are not "sick" with cancer anymore and everyone sorta moves on. and expects you to also move on. then i remembered that cancer will forever be a part of our story. i will complete my chemo treatments in feburary or so and then head into remission and then become a story of survival...but i wonder what that feels like? i wonder what that process will look like for me? and for justin? together and separate. because in one moment everything changed, but does that means things go back to "normal" once this is over? clearly i do not know yet and it really does not even matter yet, but i definitely have begun thinking already about post-cancer life. it keeps me hopeful. but i pray that a few things will never be the same...my love for jesus, our marriage, and how we view life at this very moment. i never want to lose that.
missed chatting with you today. glad you've been drinking your mochas. some of us don't have the pleasure of living in a city with dunkin donuts. panera's are good but not nearly as LARGE as the ones from dunkin.
ReplyDeletestart book club tomorrow? jus said he's in, too.
g'night. love you. will pray for peace of mind about all things...both during and after all of this.
These are beautiful, inspiring words. Thank you for sharing your heart and thoughts. You and your family are in our prayers.
ReplyDeleteLaura Flikkema (Becky's friend)
I guess you can look forward to living the NEW NORMAL and you can decide how that will look...loving Jesus, Justin, Ava, THIS much; but whatever else God teaches you in the next 6 months. Look forward to who you will be and what you will do when this season in your life ends and the next one begins. Having something to look forward to...I Like that. And knowing you, it will be a very special flavor.
ReplyDeleteLove and good night,
Mom
i know i should comment on the beauty and hope of your thoughts...which i do love (i'm a new reader as of one week ago and LOVE reading your blog) but I wanted to just concur that I know that special "Joy" that comes from a dunkin donuts coffee. You are right- it's not pure joy, but it's definitely a "makes the moment" kind of thing. If I lived closer, I'd bring you by one whenever you needed it. (probably sounds weird coming from a stranger but at least I don't feel like a stranger since i cried thru most of your blog last week). keep writing tho, bless you- I am praying for you and your family mucho.
ReplyDeletelove, krista
Haven't commented as much as I did before, but I am still here, reading every day! What is your new address? The house on the river is absolutely gorgeous-- what a joy it would be to wake up to that every morning. Glad to hear this round isn't as bad as the last-- Looking forward to reading to February and beyond!
ReplyDeletemegangarrisonphotography@gmail.com
Greetings Libby,
ReplyDeleteI can't tell you how blessed I was by Justin's sharing at our staff time. I was humbled, honored, and encouraged and yet my heart goes out to you in this journey. I thought Scott should have dismissed the staff time and sent us home "full" from Justin's sharing. It was awesome and I wish I had recorded it. Ashlee and I will be praying that God will use this for His glory (as He already has done). You are in our prayers.... Jeff. Jplakin63@me.com
BTW, we just sent this blog site to a friend of ours that has stage 4 lung cancer and is in Mexico receiving treatment. Her name is Stephanie Deasy. We are praying that she will find the same comfort in Jesus that you have.
Libby: My best friend survived cancer 10 years ago. It changed her life forever. She has never been the same, looked at life the same or treated her loved ones the same. Cancer changed everything for her - as it has for you. It enriched every aspect beyond measure. It made her grateful for every moment she had and she shared this with everyone she came into contact with. Recently, God chose to take her home via a random car accident. It is then that I realized what she had accomplished in the past 10 years and how many people she touched. I know this: Your normal will never be the same as the pre-cancer normal. You will never return to the wonderful person you were before your diagnosis. Instead, you will become an even more beautiful vessel of God who can accomplish so many things because of how he has touched your life. I know that you will allow him to use you. Thank you for already doing so.
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