cliff and laura came this weekend. they are our best friends. it was good to finally be with them. it was the first time since i got sick. the time we spent together was full of life changing conversations, great food, the back porch, music, pedicures (it was sterile and clean i promise), the river, ava, and my new wig. it was sweet time together. they know our hearts and it was nice to be with people who really know us and love us nonetheless. we love you both. they are ava's godparents. so they are real special.
i have felt normal these past few days and that is nice. i often wonder when that will change. like when i will get too sick. too tired. in too much pain. not sure. but for now i feel like myself. justin and i sat on the back porch on friday waiting for cliff and laura to arrive and it was magical. like those moments that you will never forget because they were too special. almost unreal. he played the guitar and its soothed my soul. we danced to over the rhine. if you listen to them keep listening. but if you do not listen to them please buy drunkards prayer and it will change everything. especially the song, "i want you to be my love." while we were dancing we did not talk. but i did ask justin, "hey, what are you thinking?" and he said he was thinking about dancing with ava at her wedding and i responded with, "oh, i was thinking what if i died." he said, babe! i said what. i have to think about it. its possible. not just because of cancer. i could die at anytime. but i am not scared. not even a little bit. i want to be in heaven. why wouldn't you. colos sians 1:5 says, you do this because you are looking forward to the joys of heaven-as you have been since you first heard the truth of the Good News (jesus that is). so i do not write this to be morbid or anything. i promise. its just real and i am not scared about it. i am more scared of the pain of cancer then death. wow that was heavy. but its what i was thinking about so i wrote it down. i am not that strong. i am sure i am scared of dying a little bit.
laura and i bought my wig yesterday. weird. the whole thing was weird. i did not cry though. i liked having someone with me. loosing my hair will be hard. its going to probably start coming out after my next chemo treatment this thursday. but i am trying to keep my hair long until sara gets here to take pictures, pre me loosing it. i will cut it short after that since it will be too much for me to watch it come out when my hair is so thick and so long. but it will grow back and its just hair and the wig is real nice and pretty (thanks helen).
thank you billy and jimmi for the team libby bracelets. everyone loves them. you can keep sending them this way since they are becoming a hot commodity. thanks for the cards, emails, texts, gift cards, checks, and sweet treasures for ava. i love mail and look forward to walking to my mailbox to see what has arrived everyday. since getting sick i have realized and learned a thousand new things, but one is that i will always send a card or flowers or an email or something when someone is sick. it been true joy. seriously true joy to see the outpouring of love we have received from people. many we have never met. which is extra nice because i have never sent someone a gift that i did not know, but i get that weekly. so thank you. we feel loved and prayed for. lets not stop until its gone.