Dear Lib, on the day before Chemo #3

Thanks babe. I have been a jerk lately. I appreciate your patience. It's tough figuring out how to get back into work and balance it all once again. I know that we will NEVER be the same, no matter how much of a routine we have in life once again.

I will never forget this past weekend retreat for Chesapeake's leaders. I sat for 1-2 hours (lost count) under the stars and had such a peace. A peace that I haven't felt these past couple days but am determined to pray my way back into, by the Grace of God. What brought me there? Life, cancer, and really seeing the end of myself, as well as a picture of the Glory of God through the crappiest of circumstances. We can't lose this -- ever. Can't forget. It all put me in a place where I was very still before God. I felt His strength bubbling in our weakness -- weakness that wasn't even our fault -- and wasn't really anyone's fault. In that moment, I realized I always thought "God is meant to be shared", or "God is meant to be worshiped", or "God is meant to be _________, something", depending on the day. What a joy it was that day, and I pray this day, to feel "God is." That is enough. That is what our family should be rooted in. That is what you should be rooted in. I cannot think of a more encouraging thought on the eve of your third chemo treatment.

I pray that you can come under those same stars in the next couple days and reflect on that awesome fact, God is in control of this. I pray it leads you to worship as you feel miserable. Don't let any of this routine take away that feeling of being so loved by God that circumstances don't matter, and anything in Him is possible.

I am trying to remember, and want to remind you, that God is being exalted in the midst of this (Psalm 46), and that trumps cancer. When cancer depresses me, that fact gives me such hope, and brings me out of the fog of monotony that is treatment and guessing. God can be exalted through us in the waiting room, through the way we love people, the way we let people love us, through this blog, through the wonderful gifts we have been given. It's all been Him! I know you would say this, so remember it with me, and be encouraged about tomorrow, if God is exalted, WE ARE IN.  J

For everyone: thanks for your prayers for tomorrow, please pray that Chemo would kill cancer tomorrow, and do its job where it is supposed to in Libby's body, without an allergic reaction.