yl banquet

tonight is our annual yl banquet in chesapeake. justin is speaking at it. please pray it goes well and that jesus is glorified. and that lots of money is raised.

i am finally feeling a little bit better. i went to target today. the most i have done since chemo. but it was good to get out. there is this awesome service out there for people with cancer. a cleaning service. they will clean your house 4 times for free during chemo. its awesome. so three real nice ladies came over today and cleaned. which is perfect because i am exhausted. i sleep whenever i can. so pray ava keeps taking two good naps a day. i need the rest. i also need more help. but i hate to admit it. justin pretty much had ava with him all day yesterday because i was too tired. so glad we have justin.

tomorrow is pet scan. i have barely thought about it. but i am a little nervous. wont know results for a week. which is hard. waiting is hard.

i read a blog last night. one i read a lot since sara introduced me. i have never cried while reading it. but last night i did. hard. she was talking about her love for her little daughter. who is close to ava's age. and i thought about ava and how my love for her is scary. like a good scary. so intense and deep. but sad because what slips into my thoughts is what ava's life would be like without her mommy. now i know i do not need to "go there." but i do sometimes. i think about it. not out of fear. but mostly just sad thinking about it. real sad. so i kissed her a little bit more today. dressed her real cute and hugged her. a lot.