Saturday, October 23, 2010

emails, etc.

its always interesting to see how people respond to a particular post. i did not mean for the last post to be so sad. but it was a sad day so i wanted to remember that for later on. i sometimes sit down to write and i am not sure where it all comes from. but its inside me so i write it down. i continue to be so amazed as i receive emails and facebook messages from people after they read the blog or a certain entry. i often think...what is the big deal? not to undermine what is going on, but because its just our life and i sometimes do not understand why people care so much. but wow i am thankful they do. often speechless. particularly strangers who take the time to read this blog. in its entirety. in one sitting. i had a women in sweden email me this morning after she had spent nearly 3 plus hours reading the blog. 3 hours. who does that? wonderful people do that. and then people email me and share parts they loved and how they love jesus more now and how they are praying for me and justin and little ava. i get so overwhelmed with emotion. like when you feel something is in your throat. choked up i guess. but i do. and i cry. sometimes i weep. but sometimes its just one or two simple tears down my cheek. but really its overwhelming. the out pour of love and support. last week i thought for the first time in a while...i do not have anything more to say. i think i may stop blogging. the emails had slowed down and so had the mail. which is normal. i expected that. well actually there was one day this past week that for the first since i had gotten sick there was no mail for me (minus one medical bill). so in my denial i left the mail in the mailbox. strange huh. i guess i realized for the first time really how much it means to me to that people write us and care for us. not in a selfish way. but i began to see how much i draw on others to find my strengthn. i do not think that is all the way wrong. but a little. i think the lord is doing huge things in my life, justin's, our families, and our friends. which is increidble. but i do not want to depend on people. i want to depend only on christ. my dear friend britt sent me a link to a sermon from her church about 10 days ago and i finally found the time this morning to listen. it was about God's love. how vast it is. long. deep. wide. its more than we will ever know or understand. and in many ways its so simple. we know God loves us. i have been told that my whole life. but i am beginning to understand his love in a deeper way. you have to when you suffer. and when life looks different than you thought. and you have cancer. and you honestly never in your life even thought about getting cancer. not once. other people get cancer. but now its in our story. and right now it is our story. not all of it, as i am not defined by cancer. maybe cancer will forever be our story or maybe its just for now. but the gift in all this is that because of cancer i see christ different. i experience him differently. i respond to him differently. i love him differently. his love has always been the same for me. i just did not realize the depth of it. until now. so because today is a good day. that started off with ava sleeping in until 7:30am, a dear young life girl coming over whose heart is different since i last saw her in july, and eating dunkin donuts (i am not actually eating donuts, its just the name of the establishment, as i am getting lots of emails about my nutrition needs) for breakfast...because not everyday will be as hard as wednesday was...i am beginning to feel and experience this deep love that only jesus can offer. his love has always been the same, but because i am not the same i can see him in a new way. and i will cling to this truth not only on the good days but the real bad days too. so thank you for taking the time to read our story. and pray for us. and cry for us. and write me an email. or a letter. i am honestly not sure what to write because everything i try and type sounds stupid. so i will just end it now and ava just woke crying a little.

18 comments:

  1. Hi Libby - I don't remember how I came across your blog but I look forward to reading it every day! Know that I think of you and your family often. I don't have cancer but my Mom does and I can relate to something things you mention. I WOULD LOVE to send you some mail!!

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  2. I too look forward to reading your posts daily. I envy your strength, and envy your faith. I hope that one day I will gain more faith and also hope that it doesn't take me or a loved one getting cancer for me to get it. I read some posts from other readers, most are filled with love and encouragement, some seem bossy or pushy or heck I don't know what the word is. Just remember that everyone deals with life's stresses in their own ways, and you've managed to do it in a way that has kept your family and friends involved and it seems to give you strength. So by all means, keep up the good work! Hug that baby girl, she's just precious!
    www.kristendilka.blogspot.com

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  3. Libby Enjoy the wkend and keep blogging u r an inspiration.... The weather in Chesapeake promises to be gorgeous so enjoy every minute... Jesus is all you will ever need and he shows in all the more when u are face w/trials.... He allow people you never thought would be there to be there, His love surpass anything we can ever imagine....
    You are in our prayers

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  4. Just want you to know, I don't have cancer, but your strength gives me so much strength in life overall, you are a truly amazing person and I do nothing but pray for your full recovery.

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  5. I too would love to send you mail, a Facebook message or an email. Please, please know that you and your family are in our (my husband and me) prayers!!
    Don't stop blogging...you are being such a great ministry tools to others.

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  6. You are such an inspiration to all who read your blog. I think of you and your family often. You are in my prayers. I have cried at times while reading your post.
    I know many people are seeing God and his love in a way that they haven't seen it before. I think you are an extremely brave person. Please continue to write. I am praying for you.

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  7. I can't remember how I stumbled across your blog, but I do remember that the first time I read it, I was AMAZED by your faith and strength. You're such an inspiring person - that's why people (strangers included) are drawn to you and are praying so hard for you to beat cancer. I have a 10 1/2 month old baby girl and I can't imagine standing in your shoes. ...You may not know my family, but we're praying daily for your health and strength. I'm hope you had a good day!

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  8. Libby, You are a testament of God's undying love for His children. He is reaching a multitude of people through you. You are a gift. Thank you for reminding us to praise God, even in the storm.

    Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

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  9. Someone sent me your blog last week...and I have not been able to stop thinking about you. And reading your blog makes me cry...brings back memories.
    Basically I AM you one year from now...I was diagnosed with Hodgkins Lymphoma August 2009 when my son was only 5 months old. Our stories, are so darn similar its scary. I emailed you, but I'm sure you have a flood of emails coming in but I'm here (waaaay in California) if you need any support...from one cancer survivor to a current fighter!!! I will continue to read..keep documenting everything, "chemo brain" sucks and ruins the memory!!! Stay Strong!
    Lots of Support from Cali
    xoxo
    Erin

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  10. Libby, nothing you have said is "stupid." Remember, you are documenting this for yourself to remember this in years to come. You are amazing...your faith and love for the Lord during these trying times are truly a testament to the person that you are. Thank you for being real during all of this...thank you for being you. Praying for all of you.

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  11. I wrote you a letter last night before I ever saw this! Perfect timing!

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  12. Lisa Marie RunfolaOctober 24, 2010 at 5:16 PM

    Dear Libby,
    We are an American expat family, living here in Paris France until 2013 (my husband is on a job posting -- we are originally from Buffalo New York ) w/my little girl 4 years old and our baby who just turned 1 year old. Your strength is incredible, your story is totally amazing. Our little baby girl who will be turning 4 yrs. old on Halloween had open heart surgery at 8 mos. of age. She has an incredible amount of strength, determination and lives the most life EVERYDAY! She is my inspiration and my angel.

    Your river house looks amazing. Yes, I have read all of your blogs since July tonight in a few hours. Straight thru. It's 2 am here in Paris France and my eyes can't stay off the computer screen. Libby, you NEED to keep writing for yourself. For all that you feel on the inside, and all that you will feel in the days to come. You and your family will look back and reflect on this time in your lives, the growth that came of it, the peace and tranquility of life that presents itself each day -- you need to embrace that. The typing, the words, the writing is for you..... you need to get it out, all the feelings, emotions and tears will flow as you write. It is only human to have these fears, anxiety and emotions. It's what makes you who you are, it gives you strength, determination and above all strength for your baby! Write even if it's one simple word, a whole sentence or paragraph after paragraph. Continue writing.
    I am a writer, I am in the process of writing a children's series for our dear daughter who will be 4 years old this coming weekend! The Tales of Tilly, her adventures, her life, and her travels. She has traveled the world with us and continues to amaze us everyday.......

    Stay strong & God Bless you. You have God on your side and you couldn't be more grateful for that.

    Lisa Marie
    lrunfola@mac.com

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  13. you are an inspiration. you are sharing your experience with all of us, and it is truly God working through you. Cancer is awful. And its ok to be sad. dont stop blogging. please.

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  14. Hi Libby,
    I love the way you are transparent & honest about your feelings. You share your heart so well! Nothing you have ever said is stupid to us....you always challenge us to go deeper with Christ. You inspire us all! We love you & are praying for you, R, & Ava constantly. Smiles, Hugs, & Rainbows to you, Lee & Betty :)

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  15. Hey Libby,
    I would have spent another 3+ hours reading along again if I had to :).. And you have every right to express how you feel on any given day.. good, great, bad, awful, downright miserable, etc. They wouldn't call it a "battle with cancer" if it was going to be easy. You keep on fighting girl!

    Prayers and thoughts from Sweden,
    xo
    Laura

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  16. Thank you for your wonderful example of loving God and trusting Him with your life and your family. You remind me of a little lamb climbing into Jesus' lap and letting Him love you and care for you. I pray that for my children and grandchildren.

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  17. I too don't know what to say to you either. But since I heard about your story from E, Myself and I - I came to your site and read your whole story and now have followed it daily. You're so real, just something about you draws me in. Now I pray for you daily. And I will continue to do so.
    Carley

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  18. I think that the reason why you have had such an outpouring of love is for two reasons:
    1. This is God's way of providing comfort to you.
    2. This is God's way of bringing glory to His name!

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