a new day

i ended last night with not being able to remember what normal felt like. well...i now want to really appreciate. not just say it. but be so thankful for days when i do feel like myself. and today is one of those days. i got up feeling pretty good. took care of ava, organized our bedroom, made us a hotel reservation for saturday night, ate lunch with justin, spent more time with ava, got ready, we took ava to her 9 month check up (she is right on target), got a dd mocha, and now hanging with ava. prayer works. i have never seen that more clearly in all my life than since i have gotten sick. and for that i am grateful. but cancer is always right around the corner. even on the pretty good days. because a lot of my hair came out today. justin says he can't notice anything yet. so i guess its not too bad. just i notice it. and then at ava's pediatrician's appointment we told the whole story. our cancer story. we thought he knew. but he didn't. first he said...did you cut your hair? and i said yes. he asked me why i had cut my hair since its almost winter time and most girls cut their hair for the summer time. so we told him the story and i kinda laughed because i do that sometimes to make it easier. and as he walked out the door he said, "i thought you guys were going to tell me you were pregnant." ah, yes. if only that were the case. but its not. and cancer does not define me. its just a part of our story. and days like today are special. so i am thankful for today.