oma (my mom) is here. she arrived last night. she gave ava her first little baby doll and ava loves her. she crawls around with her in her hand. its so cute. sure is nice to have my mom here. i need it. i need help and that is hard to type and even harder to say out loud.
went to dr today and my wbc count is over 8,000. wow! so i did not need a shot because my count was so high. although the shots were pretty miserable we are glad my wbc is up. we now have a week break from any appointments. i am so thankful. its been a tough five days. i literally become physically sick when i see the chemo machines at the dr office. not sure why but this past weekend was really hard for me. i think this is all become more real. not as surreal anymore. its real. its our life. and we are living it. the more that sets in the easier it is to be depressed, angry, and sad. and although i feel that way at times i continue to cling to jesus. but this is hard. for sure harder than i thought. i am exhausted and very achy. and sometimes wish this was all fake. but its not. i just think its all settling in. i have cancer. even as i write that i think...wow i really have cancer. i do not think you ever get used to having cancer. you just begin to accept it more and more everyday. not by choice. but by reality. and because we can't change it we choose to embrace it.
justin and i are trying to get away for the weekend...well just saturday night. i am not ready to leave ava for too long. we need a break. just some time out of the house (although we love our home) to just be together. hope it works out. i love my husband.