Sunday, February 13, 2011

slowly but surely.

today was a good combination of lots of things i love. hanging out with erinn. playing with ava. eating some good "whole" food. taking a walk. sitting on our porch. taking a little nap. reading. hanging with justin. it was nice. i am for sure feeling better. tired but that is normal. i feel happier too. i think i am beginning to let myself get a little excited about being done with cancer. i even told ava tonight when i was rocking her at bedtime...mommy is not going to be sick anymore and will be able to play with you a lot more. it felt really nice to say. especially because i remember so clearly the night i rocked her to bed and told her how i was sick and that i was so sorry and that i was going to miss out on some things in her life. but would try my hardest to always put her to bed at night. no matter what. and i pretty much did that.

we ran a few errands tonight. they were only supposed to take an hour or so. but they took two and half. bed bath and beyond who is usually so cool about returns (my blender randomly stopped working today) took forever when i went to exchange it. either way i got a new a new blender and i like having new kitchen gadgets. then we went to barnes and noble because my nook was freezing up off and on when i read. which is real annoying. i did not take a stroller with me because i thought we would be in and out. not the case. it was a whole ordeal and i was trying to hold ava on my hip but she wanted to get down but the floor grossed me out. and although she is improving a ton in her walking abilities she still is not real sturdy. its taking so long that at one point i walk to the starbucks area and grab a high chair and strap her into that by the nook help desk with a few random kid valentines day books. but she proceeds to throw them on the ground. of course. so i take her out and my arm is aching. i am not that strong. she is hungry and i am tired and annoyed this is taking so long. i almost leave like four times. then the women helping me asks me to come back in ten minutes so she can call customer service and reset my nook. so i take ava to the play area at barnes. she does not have shoes on so i am hesitant to let her down, but she does have tights on. well a  nice family is sitting in the area by the train set reading books as a family. it was real cute. i loved it. so i let ava down because my arm was breaking. she of course wants to be right up on that family. she does not do well with understanding other people's personal space. but they were nice about it. not sure if its been two minutes or twenty but i go back to the help desk and she thinks my nook is fine. she thinks. great. and told me to maybe come back when i have more time. i am like are you kidding me? but i am not rude. its not her fault. so we leave. thankfully ava never totally lost it. but man...i realize that none of this is really that big of a deal and i am not trying to be dramatic. but it was just more than i could handle today. the second i feel like i am turning a corner i want to get out of the house and do something. but i was just way too exhausted for this. all i needed was a stroller. somewhere to set my little baby. i am ready for her to walk i think. she is getting more and more confident by the day. its adorable.

and tonight in the bath ava laughed harder and longer than i have ever heard her laugh in her life. and i needed that. it rejuvenated my spirit a little bit. this girl brings me life. and i love that. and i need that. but we are turning a corner. slowly but surely we are reentering real life. not that we left it but a little we did. i just noticed that my side of the bed has a deep indent in it. that only occurs if you spend a little more time in bed than a normal person should. like my husband. whose side of the bed has no indent. opps. i guess that is maybe allowed if you have cancer. or should i say had cancer.


11 comments:

  1. Wow, all of that is challenging when a mom is feeling 100%, so you did great. Try not to do too much and wear yourself down. So glad you are feeling well enough to get out and run errands. So good to see "had" cancer.....still praying.

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  2. Libby,
    I am glad you are feeling better. My Nook does not freeze but my cell phone sure does. It is annoying. Flip the mattress and put the dent on Justin's side.I hope you have a great week. Praying for a great result from your pet scan. I love the header picture.

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  3. I will be praying for you the 16th, 18th, and 23rd! I'll be in Colorado away from civilization but will try to phone someone to hear about the results on the 18th. You guys have stuck it out so long...simply amazing!

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  4. I also love the "had" cancer comment-- it has been so amazing to be able to follow along with your journey, it has been an incredible one! Will be praying for great results of your tests coming up. (and by the way, I was going to suggest the same thing about switching the indented side of the mattress around!)

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  5. Routine and maintaining "normal life" is so important. Happy Valentine's day!

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  6. What a great gift knowing everyday will get better and better!! God is good. Happy Valentines Day.

    Stephanie

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  7. I love that dad instructed you to put the dent on Justin's side! ha! funny.
    HAD sounds so much better than HAVE!
    sorry about barnes and noble. just think, things could've been worse--you could've had to TRY to return something BRAND NEW, WITH TAGS at dreadful TARGET! That would've taken 2-3 HOURS!!

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  8. thats right "had cancer"
    sorry you had one of those days .xoxoxo
    love and blessings the doughtys

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  9. LOVED your post tonight. I laughed throughout your whole barnes and noble story ~ bet felt bad for you. I've been there. Mine is almost 4 and running errands jsut me and her for two hours still ends up like that sometimes! sorry for your nook. hopefully it starts working or justin and ava can take to get fixed! But i know what you mean about the laughing too. I'm glad you got to tell ava all that at bedtime. it must have felt good. and i loved your "had cancer" moment at the end. YAY for that!

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  10. Laughter really is the best medicine, especially when it's the baby variety :) The best part of your life is just beginning! I know you'll soak up every second. ♥

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  11. I had to read a few days to catch up and let me tell you, this one's my favorite! Because it's so normal! You just had a normal Mom day! How does that feel? We've all had THIS day! Congratulations, girl! Welcome back to the club!!!!!!

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