Wednesday, February 9, 2011

a little something late night.

justin put ava to bed at eight tonight. he came into our room and asked if there was anything i needed. i said no. so he went upstairs to work on some stuff or hang out. not sure. but i needed to sleep as i did not nap today. but i think i finally felt ready to sleep because ava was down for the night and that rests my soul a bit.

i woke up to an OVERWHELMING amount of text messages and emails. about 500 i would guess over from throughout the day. and i just spent the past hour or so reading every word. sometimes twice. every facebook message, post, email, phone call (only had one). i cried. good tears. of how far we have came. and always being so shocked when i read something from someone i either do not know or people i am not even that close with. but you care and you care deeply about our family. i am still awed by it. and i again go back to wondering why we hear from some people and not word from others. and i am not sure the answer. maybe people do not know what to they say nothing. but thank you. from deep inside me for those of you who took the time to walk in this valley with us. in whatever way that looked like for you. cancer is scary. period. but for me it is even more scary when it hits your own family. and you are young. and you have a little baby. and because i seemed healthy and strong we were blindsided. literally had the wind knocked out of us and we did not even know it. we had to keep moving. we had to keep living. we wanted to. but i think there will be a lot of reflection going on this blog in the next months. as i am feeling even more emotional about this entire season than i have yet. maybe because i was in go mode. so i just kept going. often without thinking. just moved through this season of cancer in the best way we knew how. and it was not perfect. not even close. we often failed to even talk about it late at night when justin and i were in bed about to shut it down for the day. it was too deep. or we had talked about it all day with other people. justin often said that not one conversation would start with anyone that did not begin is libby? how are you all doing? so maybe we were too tried. but that bond. that thing inside you that brings two people together when they are is often okay not to talk. we just knew. and that was often enough for us. i knew my own pain so it gave me a glimpse of his. and the same for him with my pain. we were separate in some ways in this because i had to get the tests and endure the treatments. but marriage is not about being separate. we are one. and this whole cancer thing has given us a real look at what oneness is. and that its good. real good. but also hard. and sometimes embarrassing to admit that its ugly and we fail. but we walked a tough road. like many of us do. but the end is in sight. finally.

on feb 16 i will get my pet scan. and because my dr is the best he told me at chemo today when he walked over and gave us each a high five. that we should email him on feb 18 to get the results of my scan. and then we will have an office visit on the 23 to talk about what is next based on the scan results. there really is an ending point. thought it would never come.

love the new header. thanks sara. i miss my hair. and fitting in to my favorite jeans. but the day will come when my hair will be long and i will rock my jeans again. just not for today. and that is alright.

do not miss this video justin made.

just press the words below.
video on the eve before our last chemo


  1. You made it! (I never doubted you!)
    I often read your blog, and I guess I am one of the ones who didn't know what to say, but would go and pray for you, for your sweet family. You have such grace and poise, even when you were having your off days, if I can ever have half the strength you have shown us then I will be off to a great start. You are truly inspirational! I am so glad you are done with chemo! yay! (just screamed a little scream for you)

    I also love the new header. You have such a beautiful family <3

  2. My church all knows you by your first name and your story. Again I mentioned your name at prayer meeting praising the Lord your treatments are over and also for your upcoming dr appt. *hugs*

  3. "Ciao dolce Libby."

    I have been "silently" following your entire journey - praying much for you and your Justin & Ava - from Italy. Know that I will continue to pray as you face Feb, 16, 18th and whatever news the 23rd brings.

    You are an inspiration, and a wonderful reminder of how personal our good God is with each of us...Thank you for your honest, open heart.

    (a friend of sweet Bethany Glupker)

  4. Such an incredible journey. Our prayers have been with you since day one. And will continue to be with you, Justin and Ava. Celebrate this time and that we have victory in Christ.

  5. rejoicing with you my friends. you are stunning.

  6. YOU DID IT! God is so good!! So happy for you and your family!! Loving you and praying for you all in KY! :)

  7. So glad to hear that you have finished chemo #12! It makes me smile to think of how God reaches people with His love through your words on this blog. Thank you for being real and sharing your story.
    ~Karen Schanck

  8. PTL..... It's really over, and you survived !!!

    Thanks for sharing your journey, it helped in giving specific things to pray for, and witnessed your strong FAITH!

    May God bless you with a long and healthy life!

    Love, Cousin Kathy Dykstra

  9. YEAAAAHHHH! God is so faithful! So happy for you and your family.

  10. So glad all of the illness with the chemo is over for you. Praying for the "all clear" on the 18th when you email the doc. Again, thank you for sharing your very personal journey. God is good...oh so good.

  11. I just saw my friend Amy commented, she is an amazing woman and a wonderful friend.

    I know I keep saying this buy I am so proud of you Libby. Praying your recovering from your last chemo is quick. Love you lots!

  12. congratulations sweet libby!! you made it! i do hope your scan is NED (no evidence of disease)! it is so encouraging and wonderful to me that you didn't have to go through radiation therapy, immunotherapy, or a bone marrow transplant / stem cell rescue. and you kept your hair!! and you look amazing :). my experience has unfortunately been relapse (and i did lose my hair) but it is very encouraging and positive that your doctor seems to speak as if you are now finished with your treatment and headed for remission. i am so happy for you and have really enjoyed your blog and your spirit. ava is such a blessing and such a sweetheart! again, congratulations and best wishes for a future cancer-free.

  13. You're an absolute inspiration. I get goosebumps readying every word of your entries. Congrats on being done. My fingers are still crossed for the next step in your journey: of being cancer free.

    ps- it sounds sort of silly but my dr. told me to take prenatal vitamins to help my hair grow back in. even if it didn't help, it mentally made me feel like it was growing faster!

  14. I have never met you or your family but I have been following your journey since almost the beginning. I cried tears of joy at this post. I am so happy for you and your family. You have been a strong women and mother and this blog will be a beautiful story for Ava when the time comes.

  15. Found your blog through Kelle I am just one of those strangers who has been thinking of you. Way to go! Congrats on the completion of your 12 chemo treatments! I LOVE your new header...won't be long until the new jeans and long hair again. And, your smile will be even more beautiful and genuine now that you have been given the great gift of perspective.

    Jill B (Overland Park, KS)

  16. Congratulations Libby! I have been reading and praying for you & your family since August. I will continue to pray for good news from the doctor. Thank you for letting God use you to be such a powerful witness.

    Nicole (Gezon) Dyer

  17. Libby- So happy for you, Justin, and Ava!! I know what a long road this has been for you all. You have been amazingly strong, positive, and inspiring through it all. I love reading your blogs and I look forward to continuing to hear the good news of your upcoming appointments!

    Take care,

  18. I have followed your blog closely since nearly the beginning of this journey. I have commented here and there, but not often. I have prayed for you and your family so many times! Your story has tugged at me from the beginning. Maybe because we are the same age and I have a small child and I can't imagine going through this.
    I just wanted to tell you that and to say that I can not wait to see how God uses your story and life, now. Now that this phase has past.
    I feel as though he has just started doing great things with and through your family. I will continue to pray for good results with your pet scan.
    Best Wishes!!!

  19. I am so happy for you that the chemo treatments are done! You are so brave. You have been in my thoughts and prayers often. I have read your whole blog, and have been so encouraged and inspired by your love for Jesus, family, and friends. Thank you for sharing this journey. I hope you feel better and stronger very soon. I'm so glad Becky and Drake could be there with you last week. God bless you. I recently updated the prayer request on our church's prayer line for you- to continue to pray for you, that your last chemo was coming up (now it's done! Praise God!) and that you will have a PET scan, and discuss the results with your dr. We will continue to hold you up in prayer!
    Love in Christ, the Flikkemas (Laura, Jon, and 1 year old Matthew :) )

  20. HI Libby, Congratulations on your final chemo treatment! You said something that struck me about how some people say something and others don't. I understand firsthand about this strange phenomenon. I've come to the conclusion that people don't know what to say so they choose to say nothing. I don't think it means they don't care, I think they do care. They don't know how to respond. They've never been through something scary. We had longtime friends say nothing, literally no comment after we told them, and then others came out of the woodwork, people we hardly see, just to say they understood and were glad we were blogging. I'm glad you've blogged your story. God is in your story. You are moving people, Libby. God is moving people through your story. We'll be praying for you and for good results in the pet scan.

  21. Twelve down, ZERO to go! Oh, the sweet sound of that! WOO HOO to all three of you and a huge thank you to God for walking beside you every step of the way. He has used you mightily. "Well done, good and faithful servant!" Have a wonderful weekend ... celebrate!

  22. Libby,

    I don't know you, but I found your blog right before your chemo started (amazing how God shows you things at the right time isn't it?) I have been folling you, Justin and Ava through your journey and I wanted to tell you that you are an amazing woman! God has used you and this blog and your story to encouage so many others and I am in amazement of you and your family! Congratulations on the last chemo...I wish you and your family the best and I will continue to keep you in my prayers!

    Megan Fogle

  23. Libby -

    Congrats on your final chemo treatment. You are an amazing woman, mother, wife and friend. Thank-you for being real and showing Christ throughout your journey. Praying for you and your family.


  24. so proud of you libby and i don't even know you. your story has changed so many lives and will continue to do so. we will all keep praying that the results are good, but thank you again for sharing your story and for never giving up. you are truly inspirational and perfect reflection of christs love. i will keep wearing my team libby bracelet everyday, because youre story will always be important to me. so glad the end is near and you made it through chemo. god is beyond amazing, and you are proof of that
    much love all the way from new zealand!

  25. Glad the chemo is now behind you. I will be praying the last chemo did it's work and the pet scan is clean. I will be praying the doctor finds the correct antibiotic for Ava.


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