Monday, August 23, 2010

a new beginning

we move today. actually as i type this the guys are moving our things into the river house. i just smiled real big thinking about it. cant wait.

i cried today reading an email from someone i do not even know. its weird huh. but she wrote this, “as you know your life as you knew it is over and you will come to grips with your new normal. my new normal is better than i’d hoped for. jesus has been so good to me, when i least of all deserved it.” i cried because i hate the thought that the life i once knew is over. but the joy...oh, the immense joy is that the life i knew (which i loved by the way) i love it even more now. funny how cancer does that. but its true. i would never wish cancer upon anyone, but i would wish for everyone the chance to see life as i do now. not the cliche the grass is greener stuff…but the heart stuff. the things that really matter. the new way i look at justin. i never knew i could love him this much. i was too blind. the new way he looks at me. would not trade it for a million dollars. seriously i wouldn’t and i would like a million dollars. i want nothing more than for all my dear young life girls to settle for nothing less than a man that looks at them the way my husband looks at me. and cancer did this you see. me having cancer brought us to this place and the more it settles in my soul the more thankful i become. i need days like these. i need days where i am thankful for cancer, because most days i hate it. its easy to focus on the pain and sit in that for a while. but i trust that there is more going on here. way more than i can see right now. not sure what but i know that the God I serve is a big God and his plan is the best. its what we are holding onto and its working because i do feel a real peace in my heart about our new normal.

16 comments:

  1. I am so excited for your move to the river house. Thinking of you all and praying too! Have a blessed week! ~Shirl

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  2. I envy you Libby, being able to look out at the water, being at peace with yourself and the situation. May your new home and your loved ones with you give you peace and strengthen you as you begin this journey to be cancer-free.You are always in my prayers and will continue to be.Love you Libby Grandma Ryder

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  3. Let me know if I can come help make the new house home! Still thinking of you and praying for you every day.

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  4. Enjoy your evening in your new home as you begin the adventure of your new life. Libby, you are amazing,,,thank you for sharing your deepest, heartfelt thoughts. Please call or text if you need ANYTHING.

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  5. Libby, I have begun to follow your blog and appreciate all your honesty when you write. We have also started a new phase in our own lives with my son's medical struggles. Everyday it is tough but it is awesome to see the good come out of the unexpected. I love that God is always redeeming whether it's spina bifida or cancer. Please know that we are praying for you.

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  6. Libby, so excited for the wonderful, restful home that awaits you guys. Wishing I could take you to target to wander around and find new things to decorate it with. I am so thankful for this new, deep joy you are experiencing...I wish it didn't have to come through cancer, but I'll trust God right along with you. We're praying for you as you await these next test results.

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  7. ohhhh Libby. You and your sweet family are on my heart tonight. We love you and are praying for your first night in the new place. You amaze me, always. Praying HARD and love you.

    The Sloops

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  8. Love you, praying tomorrow is a good day. Enjoy your coffee on the screened in porch in the am and rest in the prayers of many!

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  9. I've been thinking about commenting, and keep putting it off. I do not read blogs. I only found yours as a result of our old Pastor Angus' facebook post. And we all know Angus! :-) Ya just never know what he's going to throw out there...ha! (If you're reading this, Pastor Angus..I love ya!) But, for some reason, I've been keeping up with your journey, and you've become a friend. I am a mother of 4 kids...ages 10 down to 3, and I love to hear your ponderings about your life with Ava, because yes, they really do grow up, and I miss those precious early months.
    But really, what I want to say is that I'm a girl like you, maybe a little older, with still a pretty "normal" life. No cancer, but my dad does have Alzheimer's and my mom and older sister lives with us. (What IS normal, really?) I am a woman of faith, a follower of Christ, but struggling with the lack of it here recently. I won't bore you with the details, but I've just been struggling. I just wanted you to say thank you for sharing your journey with me, and allowing God to use you in helping others to see God. I understand that FAITH is often in NOT seeing, but my human eyes, I believe, NEED TO SEE....sometimes, somethings. Your blog is a little piece of helping me to see....thanks.

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  10. Libby, you are absolutely beautiful inside and out....Thank you for sharing your faith and heart. The words of one of my favorite songs are running through my mind.....All of my life, in every season You are still God ~ I have a reason to sing ~ I have a reason to worship!
    I love that you said "God knew you both needed Ava during this time" I couldn't agree with you more....the joy she brings you and your husband will give you strength on the toughest days.
    May God continue to bless you and shine His face upon you!
    You will be in my prayers....with love, Robin
    In His Love,

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  11. loving you all from afar...i have to admit it was easier & more fun when i could do it from the same room! drake misses playing toys with ava...he sends his love...he is so proud of and admires his auntie so much...loving you all...becky, jason & drake

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  12. I just found your blog and I wanted to say that your daughter has one amazing example of a mother. Don worry about what you think you cant do for her....think about what you are showing her with your faith and your strength....even when you think you are not strong or you have a crappy day!

    She will carry the strength you are portraying all her life, through her relationships and when she becomes a mother herself.

    God chose you to be Avas mum....but he also chose Ava to be your daughter.....she is a very blessed little girl.

    You will be in my prayers.....God bless
    Jo-Anne

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  14. Just spent the morning reading your blog and praying for you. My husband was on Young Life staff in Radford, Virginia for 5 years and I was a volunteer YL leader for 8 years so it feels kind of like I know you even though we haven't actually met I don't think. I know we have a lot of mutual friends. Just wanted you to know that I am absolutely praying for you, Justin and adorable baby Ava and am following your journey. I am amazed at the beautiful and graceful way you have handled everything so far. And how sweet are your husband's posts!? Lots of love in Jesus! =)

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  15. Praying for you, I know our sweet Jesus is faithful!

    Ruthie Tribble

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