Saturday, August 7, 2010


its been a good day. our house was being shown a few times this morning so we got ava ready and went to breakfast. we went to cracker barrel. out of all the breakfast options, i chose that. i like the biscuits they have. we went to target. i wanted a few new tanks for the outer banks trip. justin and i have never really shopped much together, but since we are now on day 13 of our date, we basically do everything together. i found this white sheer bathing suit cover up and he said, "yes, get that. i can see you wearing that when we ride bikes in the outer banks." but it was too big. he wanted to pick out a book to read where he did not really have to think, but target has nothing. we will go to barnes and noble tonight. when we got home we took a walk and when we crossed the street i said to him, "sorry that it took me getting cancer to be nice to you..." he said of course, you have always been nice. but that is not true. i have mentioned before that this will change everything. well that is an example of how we will never go back to how we once were. i see my husband differently now. i love him in a new way. it reminds me of the summer we met. the magic of it. its just a part of this whole thing for me. life will never be what it once was and that is the gift i have found in cancer.

the mail keeps coming. today i said to justin that i bet the mailman is catching on that something is wrong because of the letters and packages. and today when he came to the door because it would not all fit in our box, i told him i was sick and that are moving. he has kinda become my friend. i mean he brings me our mail everyday.

our sweet ava is seven months old today. tonight i nursed her for the last time...i think. i thought maybe ending on her birthday was appropriate. although my goal was one year, it was not meant to be. notice how i said..i think and maybe. well then it does not seem so absolute and i like that. its sad for me. i think its something only a mom can really understand.

tonight is peaceful. ava is sleeping. justin is reading donald miller on the couch and i am getting ready for my dad and mom to arrive tonight.

and with a bit of anxiousness we wait for monday to come...


  1. praying for you. this is the bible verse of the day on my blog; i immediately thought of you and wanted to share...

    "Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go."

    Joshua 1:9

    Just a simple (yet so very powerful) reminder that God will never ever leave you (as you already know)

    God is so faithful in all that He does. Stay strong. You are an inspiration to so many, especially your sweet Ava.

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  3. It's amazing what God uses to pull people together. To unite them towards a purpose. It's a beautiful thing and I'm glad you can see that clearly and rejoice in it.

    As a mom, my heart hurts for you having to stop nursing and I get it. It's a physical, emotional, and spiritual thing and you would have never been ready to stop (not even at a year). Hopefully God will have you there again, and I know you're thinking, "but it will never be Ava again." And that's okay. It's okay to grieve it. Even for selfish reasons. Because you sacrificially gave her yourself for 7 months and you're allowed to be sad.

    Hope the beach is just what you need. Will be praying for Monday and I miss you.

  4. hey libby,
    my husband chris is on staff in henderson, ky. we're still trying to figure out if we've run across you guys somewhere in the small world of yl! we are praying for you and your family. i don't like capital letters either:)

  5. I'm clinging to the lyrics we've listened to on the top deck of Dock Holiday so many times..."Come Monday, it'll be alright.....".
    Oh how I pray! Thankful, too, that God knows what we need, what we're asking for even when we can't form the words.
    Enjoy the weekend. I love you.

  6. Also, PS...I'm sorry you're sad about nursing A for the last time (maybe) tonight. It's such a mom thing and I cried and cried when jack stopped. The good thing is, sucky formula is like McD's...and you know we all like some McD's every once in a while!!

  7. Libby and family, I am praying for you all to have a wonderful time in the Outer Banks. My love to you and your parents (hope the flights went well). Tell Becky that I am missing her and her boys! God Bless this time you spend together.

    And keep up the good work with the blog--you are so honest and real, Libby--it's very inspiring!

  8. Thank you for sharing your story. I am praying that God gives you strength as you persevere on this journey.

  9. Funny about the book thing. I purchased a Barnes and Noble gift card a few days ago for you all, b/c for some reason I felt led to get it. It will be coming in the mail soon!!!

  10. Lib,
    I am thankful for you to re-feel the magic and wonderfulness of the summer of '05...and for the new, never-going-to-be-the-same-again way you see each other. What an encouragement to wives everywhere.

    I pray for you to find grace in this transition with Ava...however and whenever it comes. You have loved Ava so well in this way & what you have done (or will do) is enough. And the Lord will have new, joy-filled ways for you to love on and connect with her. I never thought it was possible, but it is. The nursing becomes one chapter in a very long love story of how we get to love the children God entrusts us with.

    you & Justin are always on my mind (Kess too)

  11. Came across your blog from a link posted on a friend's page. I am so moved by your story and am sending prayers your way.

    As a new mom (My little one is 3 months old), I can only imagine....scratch that...I canNOT even imagine the pain you are feeling when you look at your precious Ava. I would fall to pieces everyday but you, you are staying so strong. I admire that. You are such a good mommy.

    And I also plan to nurse for the first year. I didn't know how much I would love nursing until I was actually doing it -- but it really is my favorite part of being a mom. Being able to provide your child everything they need to grow and thrive. So I really do understand the disappointment when you say you are done nursing.

    You have me and my husband Jon praying for you. We are with you on this amazing journey and we know you will beat this digusting cancer.

    Much love, thoughts and prayers to you Libby. ~Carey

  12. I first read your blog this week when my sister posted it on Facebook (she is Allyson's sister-in-law). Your story has absolutely touched my life this week. I sing on the worship team at church in Olivet, MI. This morning we sang Never Let Go by Matt Redman and I thought of you the whole time. The Lord never let's go of us through the calm and through the storm, every high and every low. We also sang You Are For Me by Kari Jobe. Kari Jobe has a website called that you should definitely check out. Her music is amazing! In Matthew 5 the bible talks about us being the light of the world, and a city on a hill cannot be hidden. Charles Stanley preached on this passage and added that we determine how bright our light is going to shine. Your light, Libby, is shining for the world to see. Thank you for your blog. Keep sharing, we'll keep praying.

  13. Libby,
    I don't know you but I wanted to tell you that I find your faith so very powerful and inspiring. Your emotions are so raw and honest! A friend of mine that you may know (Rachel Scholten...use to be Weller) gave me your friend Bethany's blog last month when my husband and I lost our twin daughters due to premature delivery. I read her entry on your recent diagnosis of cancer and immediately read your blog. I just wanted to let you know that you are in my prayers constantly and I pray that you will continue to stay strong and let God be enough!

    "But those who hope in Lord
    will renew their strength.
    They will soar on wings like eagles;
    they will run and not grow weary,
    they will walk and not be faint."
    (Isaiah 40:31)

  14. Libby,

    I met you only once briefly at Real Life and was so sad when a mutual friend told me what has been going on in your life. I am lifting you up to the creator of life and asking him to heal you completely. I have not been able to stop reading your blog and it has inspired me not to take my life for granted and to love more completely. I have been deeply moved by your love for your husband and all the people in your life. Continue to allow God to use your words for good!

    Tricia Anderson


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