Wednesday, April 13, 2011

our view.

 
our view from the river house over the weekend. thank you leslie for capturing it. the water and the sun is incredible. as it begins to get warmer out i am appreciating the absolute beauty of the elizabeth river more and more. this was a magnificent place to heal and is quickly becoming an even better place to live. really live. 

we moved into this house two days before my first chemo. thank you to some dear friends of ours. last night as i was cleaning up the kitchen and looking through the windows above the sink out at the water. it struck me in a deep way how much this house will always hold such a special place in my heart. this is where we lived through cancer and through healing. with friends and family who cared for us while i was sick. this is where ava learned to walk and to talk. she is discovering the outdoors here. justin and i dance here. specifically the first time we danced on the porch after chemo number one (read about it here) and i thought for a quick moment...he will dance with ava on this porch more than he will dance with me. fearing for that split second that maybe i wont make it. i will hold on to that moment forever. not the part about me not making it, but the intimacy of dancing to over the rhine. one of our favorite bands. we sat in the porch swing and talked with many of the people we love the most about cancer and life and what we were afraid of and what we knew was true. in the midst of the most uncertain time we have ever experienced in our lives we clung to what is true. Jesus and his love for us. that had to be enough and thankfully for us that was enough. maybe we forgot it at times. but that does not change the fact that it it true. everything else was too scary. so we stuck with what we know. not what may or may not happen.

i love this house. since we have been married we have lived in four different homes. one apartment, one condo, one townhouse, and now the river house. although our first apartment in lexington will always have a real special place in our hearts...along with the other condo and townhouse...because memories were made at each of them. really really special ones. but the river house is different. we changed here. we grew here. we got sick and we healed here. i changed. justin changed. our marriage changed. our hearts changed. i really believe this was the place where we grew the most as individuals and as a couple. that is huge for me. i am only 27 so i have a lot more changing and growing to do. i know that. i have not arrived. not even a little bit. but for me personally this is the place where i wept, laughed, danced, and experienced more life than i knew was possible in the midst of death. and that is cool. that's how great our God is. that He took us through a valley. a dark scary one. but carried us through to the other side and now we understand life and His healing in a deeper and more real way than i ever would have known had i not had cancer. 

i love right now. i love that i am processing and learning more about cancer and how it changed me than i ever realized when i was actually sick. its a very special time for me and i consider it all a gift. i am crying as i write this because its all still so fresh and raw and real. none of it seems like memories yet, because we are still living it. i guess that is life. what we went through and what we will go through and how it will shape us and mold us into who we are becoming forever.

13 comments:

  1. this is such a beautiful post libby, i'm crying at my desk (again) reading it. what an unforgettable season of life you had at that river house. please don't stop writing to us, your words comfort me so must in the midst of a hectic season of life. thank you again.

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  2. great words friend. the change in you. i love it. you are great!!

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  3. this is such a beautiful post. i love, absolutely love, how God uses places to teach us and to help us heal. He is such an amazing father, and He knows everything we need before we even have a glimpse of it. thank you for sharing your words and your heart with us all.

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  4. Great post! I have been keeping up with your blog. Love the picture of the Eliz. river we miss living there so much. I laughed when you talked about the condo (because Adam and I always had issues with ours but we had some good times in that area). You have come a long way and I am happy that you are in a great place healthwise and with how you are feeling about everything you have been through. Wish we could have hung out more! P.S. Ava is SO cute Ty and her would have been good playmates! :) Love, Laura Van Zan

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  5. Libby,
    Your story has changed so many lives including mine. Thank you for being open and honest.

    I don't think we ever stop growing and changing Mike and I have been married 17 years and neither of us are the same person we were then (thank goodness).

    Next week I will be getting baptized at the Easter Vigil and it is partly due to your trust in Jesus that I began to explore more. Thank you I feel like you and your family have taught me so much.

    It's going to be a beautiful summer at the River House. Enjoy.

    Stephanie

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  6. I have never been more thankful for this blog - being so far away and hearing your heart. I love that house too! What a great gift from God, to heal with a view of the river. Love you darling

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  7. You are one of the most beautiful people I know inside and out...xoxo

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  8. This just makes my heart happy. I love how you savor every moment. What a great outlook on life.

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  9. I don't even know what to write but I want to write. Beautiful picture and beautiful words. Thank you. I am so happy for you. Beyond words.
    It's funny .. Me and my husband are at a weird place and I was thinking who could I talk to? And you came to mind! Kinda weird I know. But i admire you and your marriage and your relationship w God.
    I am crying as usual ... And that post about someone getting baptized! Thank you for your posts!

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  10. i love that house too, though i've only spent a few days a few times...but there is something about it...it's not just the walls, or the cute red door, the fun white cottage blinds, or the gorgeous view, it's the 3 of you that make that house a home...it's the home that grew you as a family...it's the place that God grew in you, justin, our family, friends, and strangers...it was a source of hope and healing...it's a great home!

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  11. i loved reading this libby :) Christ in you is SO beautiful. thank you for making much of Him! i love hearing about how you are LIVING! xoxo

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  12. Libby this was a beautiful post. Chill bumps everywhere. I just love love love your blog.

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  13. Libby,
    The River House... what can I say...a beautiful place to heal...a wonderful place to live. This will indeed be a great summer. I look forward to some time on the back porch just chilling...or painting if you want me too.
    Ted

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