i got nothing. that's okay right?

i have thought a lot about the blog today. mostly how it's monday and i should probably post something because i haven't since friday. i tried. i forced it. i even have a few posts saved in my drafts that will maybe appear tomorrow or wednesday. it all just felt a little lame today. so i decided not to try and make something out of nothing. i really do not have anything real exciting to share today and i think that is okay. things have felt so busy for me. they are not that busy so i am not sure what my deal is. i mean once ava is in bed i have had time to do stuff. but for some reason my days have felt like they were a little too much for me. but we all feel that way so i know i am not special. i get that. maybe its more about my heart and less about being "busy." i just feel like for today i got nothing real special to say or to offer anyone who reads this blog. sorry about that. i hope to bounce back soon. maybe tomorrow.

the whole blog thing is funny. its started to keep family and friends informed about cancer. and then a few other people started reading it. which is cool. and now even more people read it. which is even cooler. i love it. but i think sometimes it messes with my head. i mean i know i am not famous or that big of deal. trust me i know that. really. but i do think i sometimes feel like i am supposed to share something real insightful and deep and exciting so people will continue to want to read and share in our story. in one way or another. so if i write lame stuff people might begin to hate it and stop reading. its less about "supposed to" and more that i want it to be something that matters. not just post something for the sake of posting something. sorry that this might be the most boring post ever to exist on dwyc. you like that. how i just used the first letters. first time for everything. i changed the font to italics because its a little side note in the midst of the post. back to normal now. but i am just feeling really tired and since i do not have cancer anymore i can not blame it on that. i guess i am just normal mom tired. i never want to put anything on this blog that does feel like me. so i decided not to share my few other attempts at a blog post today. although i almost pressed publish post like ten times today. instead i will share my thoughts about the blog and how sometimes its okay that i really do not have anything to say. even though i know i do. its just not coming together so i will stop trying for today.

instead i will sit on our back porch and read my book for a little bit because ava is sleeping. actually she is not sleeping. she is exhausted and crabby and has been rubbing her eyes since 6pm. but that girl is still in her crib rolling around and singing old mcdonald. why? just go to sleep little girl. i will never understand why children fight sleep. i love ava. if you know me or know justin or if you read this blog you know how deep our love for ava is. but she is one active little girl and she is wearing me out.

maybe later on tonight i will see what is on bravo. i like bethenny frankel what can i say. please do not judge me.

enjoy your monday evening. its seriously beautiful here in chesapeake.