chemo was its usual self. i threw up and i slept. came home and slept more. i actually can barely remember thursday at this point. i was sick. but not as horrible as last time. oh, i forgot we opened a few christmas gifts thursday morning before chemo. just in case i was too sick over the weekend. ava got a cabbage patch doll from her daddy and loved it. it was a nice way to start our chemo day. we decided to stop at starbucks and pick up coffee for my nurse and for ourselves. i started crying on the way. but tried to hide it. justin clearly noticed. and i told him that i was sorry for how i have been acting. i just get sad sometimes. depressed too. i am insecure. i am gaining weight and my hair is falling out. and we are about to go to kentucky to see family and i am a little nervous to see everyone. he assured me that i am beautiful. which is nice...but still. i cried at chemo too. my first time crying there. its just sad. and i thought about an email i got from my good friend the night before chemo about how proud she is of me for even getting out of the car to go to chemo. i never thought about that because we were not given a choice. so we drive there. we get out. and we get chemo. and we go home. but we only have three left. we got this.
friday i got up and felt pretty good. we went to starbucks. and opened more presents. watched movies. played with new toys. went to church. ordered carrabbas to go. it was perfect. really it was a miracle. seriously. thank you to those of you who prayed specifically for that. it happened. justin even said to me in bed that night..."babe, you looked stunning tonight. seriously beautiful. so good that maybe people think we are lying about you even having cancer." we are not lying about my cancer.
christmas day. opened presents. i felt ok. when ava napped i napped and woke up feeling sick. even when justin came into our bedroom with his arms full of christmas gifts (someone dropped of five bags full of gifts for us...unbelievable. we do not know who you are but thank you). i was too sick to open them. i was the most sick on christmas day but still better than normal. so we were real thankful for that. ava liked her gifts. but still seems to prefer to play with our laptops, cell phones, and anything she is not supposed to have. later that night while watching a movie we were given the gift of a white christmas. which is rare for chespeake. and the snow did not stop. it snowed and snowed...
we were snowed in on sunday. since chesapeake has like five snow plows for the entire city we were encouraged to stay off the streets. so we listened. and stayed inside. it was a relaxing day of playing, eating, napping, reading, movies, etc. justin even made homemade marinara sauce for our pasta at dinner. and it was good. i gave ava a bath while justin cleaned up dinner. since giving her a bath takes less energy. and there is nothing like walking out of your daughter's bedroom after reading, singing, and saying prayers to see your entire house. yes the entire house cleaned up. there were even a few candles lit in the kitchen. which is my favorite. there is something special about ava being in bed, the day is done, the house is picked up (for the most part), and we head upstairs. knowing that not much else is required of us for this day.with only the christmas tree lights on. i make some coffee and we eat peppermint stick ice cream (which i had forgotten we even had!) and say to justin that this weekend was a dream for me. in lots of ways. mostly because i was not too sick. and because it was our first christmas with ava. and i love being with my family. just us three. and that we were snowed in so justin could not leave. which makes him stir crazy but i love it. and he really handled it very well. it was nice to be home. because i love our home. and it was nice to not fake it. but genuinely feel well enough to enjoy everything christmas as to offer.
and we documented it. see link below.