since wednesday i have been back to me. feeling good. tired but that's normal. its so nice to feel well enough to really play with ava oppose to laying on the couch and simply supervising her. we have been staying inside the past few days. which i love. justin gets a little stir crazy. but the weather was actually not so good here yesterday and he was able to come home early. love it. but christmas cards has been my major endeavor since they arrived a few days ago. overwhelmed to say the least. but good. i kinda like it. last night i finished about 150 while sitting upstairs with justin listening to christmas music. something else i love. but i took the time yesterday to go through every card we have been given since i got sick. wow. i have saved everything. and i wanted to count them but i forgot because i ended up reading each of them again. and i was overwhelmed with emotion. it brought me back to august. when everything seemed so scary with so many unknowns. what would having cancer look like? feel like? how would it impact our lives? could we do it? what would it all mean for ava? and for justin? and for our marriage? and for our life? i think i like how it is now much better. now a few months later we have the answers to some of those questions. and they are good. not everything has been good. or easy. or even fun. clearly. i still have cancer. i still have 4 more treatments. and until we get the results of my pet scan in feburary we do live with some unknowns. and that is not easy. but we did not sign up for easy. nothing about following Jesus is really easy. but good and hard are okay. and we get that more now than ever. but mostly cancer really has been such a gift. its changed everything. something not everyone gets. but we did. and so i see it as a real gift. not all parts of it. but most of it. and i think that is how it works most of the time. you get some or lots of bad with the good. but it makes the good that much sweeter and that much more precious. so i am thankful for that. thanks for reading this blog. and walking in this valley with us. its made all the difference.
and this week i have received more emails than i have in a while. and i appreciate it more than i know how to express. thanks for sharing your life with me. it is so humbling. really it is.
off to the outer banks for the weekend with some dear friends. i love that in the midst of cancer. we are still living. really living. and in some ways feel more alive than ever. not everyday. but today i do.