best weekend. ever. seriously.

really it was. i do not remember feeling this good in months. i was able to go to yl leadership for the first time this semester. it was nice to regain some sense of normalcy this weekend. some friends of ours offered us there beach house in nags head. so we went there for the weekend. we left around 9pm so i had to wake up ava and we were a little worried about how she would do. since we had never done that before. but she was fine. she feel back to sleep after a little bit. she is so easy. we are so thankful. i had thought earlier in the week about not taking her so justin and i could really rest. what a crazy idea. it was so fun with her. justin and i talked the whole way to the beach house. it was nice to really connect. we definitely feel like we were on the same page. which is always the goal. when we arrived around 10:30pm ava was a little mad when we woke her up again to put her in her pack n play. but after a few she settled. we had a view of the ocean from our bedroom. it was gorgeous. although it was a little cold. i loved it. i love the fall. everything about it. everything smells different. its crisp. and the outer banks is one of our most favorite places to go and rest. and wow did we rest.

in the morning we went out for breakfast. one of our most favorite things to do as a family. we found this great little pancake place. and justin talked about that meal for most the day. he loved it. i did too. came home and ava napped so we watched college football. well pre-game stuff. we read our nooks and napped. got ready and when ava woke up we all went to the outlet mall. one of my favorite things to do. i have noticed since having ava that is way more fun to shop for her. stuff is way more cute on her than me. justin got some stuff and i did get a couple things (early birthday present from my husband). ate lunch. ava napped again. we watched an amazing game between u of m and illinois. and u of m won. and up until now i had been feeling so good. not like fake good. but actually good. randomly in the afternoon i got a horrible headache and threw up a ton and then felt fine. it was strange. after ava got up we went to the outlets to return one thing and buy a couple more things. and ate dinner at one our most favorite places...the outer banks brewery. it was a good night. ava did so well. we love that we can take her pretty much anywhere and she behaves so well. hopefully this will last. we put ava to bed together. something we are trying to do more. we really want to create memories early on with ava that her mom and dad are real partners. and this weekend was such a glimpse of that. i really love my husband. and appreciate how well he has loved me and served me since getting sick. i see a change in his work schedule and how he is home so much more. its been essential for our marriage and parenting ava. its been by far one of the greatest gifts to come from cancer. and justin said over and over how good i looked. how i have my color back. and i look like me. not cancer me. but pre-cancer libby. and that meant so much to me. because i am insecure a little. especially because so many people have not seen me in a while so i am always nervous about how they might react when they see me. its like because i have cancer people maybe are anticipating the worst. now i could be in denial (justin said i'm not) but i do not think i look that different. i can tell my hair is way way thinner but no one else seems to. and i know about my extra 10. but hopefully if people are smart they will not comment on that. its kind of like when i was pregnant and people would say on my gosh you are huge or you look like you are going to pop. its like come on people. i know i am big. but you do not need to tell me that. its been the same thing with cancer. its like either tell me i look amazing (and maybe lie) or do not say anything at all. i am sorta joking here. i am just happy i still have hair. and i like my short hair now. i have come full circle with my hair. because i left the salon mad. like seriously angry. but not anymore. not at all. just needed some time.

i got up around midnight and checked my phone. i do that randomly throughout the night. i got this email. well two really awesome emails. one from a sweet women in kansas and the other from a fellow cancer survivor. her story was awful. in terms of what she had to go through to beat her cancer. chemo monday thru firday for 8 hours. every other week. its been such a gift to hear from other cancer survivors. it has helped me to gain perspective within my own cancer experiences. and helped me to be thankful for my own story.

we got up. packed. cleaned up and headed home. we wanted to go to our church since i have not been there in months. avajustin and i we checked on her only four times. that is not that bad. and she was fine. it was way more about me than her. it was nice to be back at church. we came home and ran some errands. and i bought two pairs of comfy pants. simply trying to embrace my new body. justin and i put ava to bed. and we fell asleep yet again to football. nfl this time. who am i?

p.s we love you sweet isabella. and hope that your pink little cast is not bothering you too much. ava sent you some mail. hope you get it today. its the perfect thing if you want to lay on mommy and daddy's bed and rest. (our sweet little niece. who is almost three broke her arm on saturday).