my jeans.

mom update: my mom and dad have decided not to go back to washington and will continue on with their plans in mi and hilton head. my mom has spoken with a few doctors and surgeons she really respects and they have all told her she can wait until they return home to see her doctor and decide if surgery is necessary. she has a biopsy scheduled for april 11th. she seems to feel good about this decision and is looking forward to her time in mi and hilton head with friends and family. thank you for your prayers and for caring about my mother and my family.

life is beginning to feel more and more "normal" and my energy level has increased. i did not realize how severe my exhaustion was until the idea of showering, grocery shopping, and caring for ava does not seem so overwhelming anymore. its nice. i spend a lot of time thinking about what is ahead. where the lord is taking us. what life will be like now post crisis. post cancer. in many ways the same and may ways so different. but good different. i feel like i have grown so much. i feel i understand trust in a new way. i understand health and the gift that it is. no matter how much money you have or how much you think you control your life...you can not control health. and for some people that is scary and unnerving. but for me it means i am more grateful now for the little things and the great big things. i appreciate what its like to really "feel good" because i so often thought...will i ever feel good again? and the answer is yes. its been nice to hear people say, "you finally have your color back" "you really look like libby." i love that. i met with some good friends for breakfast last saturday and they told me..."you look good. when we saw you in january at ava's party your color was not the same. you looked tired. you looked sick." and of course at the time everyone told me how good i looked. because i think they were expecting worse. what does a person with cancer look like? and the answer is not always the same. i know that because i never lost all my hair my appearance changed, but not nearly like it does for so many others. i hate hats. i hate my grey hat. i will probably burn it when i can. i am thankful total hair loss was not in my story. just waiting for my thinning hair to grow back a little bit and then i am cutting it. justin will finally get his wish. i will get a pixie cut. a "boy haircut" like i said in my haircut video (see it here). i am so over hats. i could scream. so as soon as i can hats will be gone and a short new look will be here. i am nervous and excited about that. its just hair. i know that. people tell me that a lot. but i liked my long thick hair. i am ready to look in the mirror and like what i see on the other side. i know that is hard for people...with or without cancer. but on a side note. a really good side note i was packing for nyc today and randomly decided to try on my favorite jeans (which i grew out of during cancer) and they fit. i can button them. a little more snug than i would like but either way i can wear them and they can button. so all is well. got a new little dress for the trip too. i have not been this excited about anything in a while. i love that its all a surprise. that i know nothing. justin planned it all. and finally starting tomorrow at 6:30am when we arrive at the airport...i will be that much closer to learning what this weekend of celebrations has to offer. thanks babe for making me feel special. and we are not even there yet and i already feel special. its going to be good. i know it.

i want to write about my thoughts on advertisements/sponsors on the blog and the man i sat next to on my flight home from ky. but that will have to wait. ava woke up and is yelling "mama." also a few days ago she said mommy. she said mommy for the first time and my heart stopped. literally it took my breath away. lastly ava is not sick. no ear infection. thank goodness. just a little cold and about six new teeth and a couple molars coming in.