reality.

kentucky was a nice break. it was full of kids playing (and hiding behind drapes), talking, shopping, gift giving, eating, our sweet ava's first birthday party, panera mornings, red robin turkey burgers at night. some of my favorite things. and all that was good. but what was really good was being able to spend time with people you love. some people i love the most in the world. and to just be together. not email. or text. or skype. or the phone. but live and in person. and its never quite long enough.

it was good to travel and feel normal. honestly i did not feel like i had cancer at all. and that is such a gift and i can not even express as tears roll down my face. but it was nice. real nice. i only thought about cancer when i was too tired to stay up late with everyone, because i hate missing anything. and that i constantly wear a hat now. its funny to me that i wear hat. and its annoying too. but it is what it is. and its better than bald i guess. my little hats with my thin little hair poking through the bottom. but its me. even when i do not feel like me. its still me and my family and friends reminded me of that this weekend. so thank you.

ava's party was perfect. seriously. i will try and get pictures posted on her birthday. so be looking on friday. she honestly was so sweet. she kept that huge flower on her head for most of the night. and she devoured her (no egg) birthday cake. the decorations were precious. i went and took a little nap before the big party and to my surprise the entire upstairs had been transformed. and it was a sight. thank you to all who made it possible (specially tommy and sara). it was important to celebrate ava. she has had quite the year for such a little person.

but now we are home. and it was cleaned when we arrived, thank you barbara. but within minutes it was covered with suitcases and dirty laundry. i hate to unpack. and i woke up to ava with a 102 fever so we headed to the doctor. she is fine as far as they can tell. and if you read this blog will you please pray specifically that ava does not get sick and/or me and/or justin. thank you. we would rather not be sick. so us girls came home and took a 2.5 hour nap. yay. and then i headed to the doctor too. got a shot. and now back in bed. ava is sleeping too. and its back to reality. and man i am so over it. i am so over cancer. i just had a little glimpse of what life is like without cancer while in kentucky. and i liked it. but now we gear up for number 10. and sometimes i have a hard time gearing up for it. but i will. because that is what we do. i feel like i just had chemo. time flies. please pray that this round is not that bad.