i feel strangely good this morning. not rushed at all. got everything ready for ava so my sister knows her schedule and everything. i even made myself coffee. took a long shower. it is not the usual anxiousness of running around trying to get everything together and not forgetting to take my medicine and put my numbing ointment on my port. i feel ready. it only took me this long to feel ready. ready for what is to come in about an hour or so. just when i am about to be done i finally get a little comfortable with this whole...getting chemotherapy thing. maybe you are never meant to get "used to" this. and that is good with me. chemo is simply a means to an end. we hate chemo. but we know i need it and know its what saved me. so secretly we like it. just not the actually going to chemo part.
please pray the i do not throw up all through treatment today. please pray i fall asleep. pray i am strong because i have been crying a little more lately about cancer. and i would rather not cry there.
ava has a double ear infection. nasty runny nose. which i told someone yesterday that because she is my daughter, my dear sweet ava. that even when she rubs her snot on me. i don't mind. i am sure that is gross to most of you. maybe if you are a mom you get it. or maybe i am not normal. either way. she has a bad cough too. pray she heals. please. both of us sick is hard. her being sick is so hard for me. especially when i can not care for her the way i want to. but my sister allison is here and i know she will love ava extra hard for me. but its still not me.
off we go.
please pray the i do not throw up all through treatment today. please pray i fall asleep. pray i am strong because i have been crying a little more lately about cancer. and i would rather not cry there.
ava has a double ear infection. nasty runny nose. which i told someone yesterday that because she is my daughter, my dear sweet ava. that even when she rubs her snot on me. i don't mind. i am sure that is gross to most of you. maybe if you are a mom you get it. or maybe i am not normal. either way. she has a bad cough too. pray she heals. please. both of us sick is hard. her being sick is so hard for me. especially when i can not care for her the way i want to. but my sister allison is here and i know she will love ava extra hard for me. but its still not me.
off we go.
Praying for you. ONE MORE after today! That is so amazing. I remember reading that you had to start chemo. Now it's ALMOST over. I'm so excited for you! Praying you don't cry or throw up, and praying you fall asleep!
ReplyDeleteNot being with your child is so hard. I work full-time and leave my son every day. He's 6 months old TODAY and I felt so sad leaving him this morning. I know he is in good hands, and I know he's being well cared for. And you know Ava is being loved so much, even if you have to leave her for a little while today. So glad your sister is there to help! I'm sure she and Ava will have a great time :)
Take care of yourself. Thank you for sharing your story.
Praying for you. And thank you for sharing your life with us -both the good times and the bad- they are such an encouragement to me and I know to countless others... Thank you!
ReplyDeleteOff to pray for you, praying today is a sleep filled day with zero nausea or vomitting in sight. Praying Miss Ava fills better soon too so your not also worrying about her.
ReplyDeleteWhat is this "no rush" you speak of? I don't understand nor does it seem possible. Especially in the morning. Good for you though.
ReplyDeleteI'll pray now that today flies by and that you are able to get home to the River house to recover quickly. Love you and wish I was there for you in a more literal sense.
Saying prayers as I type! Today will be a good day, I can just feel it. Praying for His strength for you today, sweet friend. Cling to this verse today...
ReplyDelete"But he said to me, "My grace is enough for you. When you are weak, my power is made perfect in you." So I am very happy to brag about my weaknesses. Then Christ's power can live in me. For this reason I am happy when I have weaknesses, insults, hard times, sufferings, and all kinds of troubles for Christ. Because when I am weak, then I am truly strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10
Praying! Stay strong girl! I wish I lived closer. I would make you a cheesecake or sticky cherry pudding cake or something...something to make your day brighter! Is that weird to say since I've never met you? :)
ReplyDeleteKrysta
This is my first note to you and I am ashamed as I have been reading and following since the beginning. I pray that God gives you strength today and am so glad you've made it to #11. All the best, Brittany from KY.
ReplyDeleteIs there parking where you are? What about illegal parking?
ReplyDeleteI don't comment very often but I do read each and every one of your posts and pray for you often. I am so happy with you that you are almost done and pray that today will be a good day.
ReplyDeleteI've been thinking and praying for you on and off all day. Give that sweet Ava a kiss.
ReplyDelete<3 Joann Cryderman
OH you are so in my prayers! I found your blog a few days ago and spent over two hours reading your whole story. You are so very much in my heart right now! May Jesus be your strength - you are living such a testimony for Him! I think of you as a big sister, and I pray today goes well for you. <3
ReplyDeletePraying for you and your family. It is sometimes difficult for me to read your blog. I have a 3 month old son and I can't even imagine what you are going through but I truly admire your faith.
ReplyDeleteHi Libby,
ReplyDeleteI'm one of those "evil" chemo nurses. (not really evil obviously, because I know I love my patients--and they love me but want to hate me at the same time--lol). I have a long prayer list--it includes every patient I have ever treated since taking this job in April. And yours is the newest addition. I pray for these women several times a day--at least once by name. I just wanted to let you know that while I can't speak for all of us chemo nurses, I can say that my ladies (including you) bless me every day. I don't know why God put me in this place, but I'm so thankful He did. You have been another inspiration and blessing to me simply by allowing me to read your blog. So thank you for that.
I'm praying for not only your healing today, but for Ava's as well. And that this round & the LAST ONE won't be difficult on your body--or spirit. Keep up the fight and know that one day SOON you will be done with this and get to use your experience as a testimony for the Lord.
Thanks for being such an ispiration.
Sara
i ate silas' snot on accident. i thought it was baby food I was feeding him and licked it off my fingers. unbelievable. But it was ok, cause it's just him :) i'm totally like you as well my friend. praying!!
ReplyDeleteHi Libby,
ReplyDeleteWishing you all the health in the world and the strength to make it through. Keep your spirits up!
xx
Prayers go out to you and Ava. ONE MORE LIBBY...JUST ONE MORE!!! You've got this! As for the snot, no biggy. That Sweet Ava is your flesh and blood and for some reason it changes you so much...snot and all. My prayers for you that you sleep well tonight.
ReplyDeleteLibby,
ReplyDeleteI know by now your chemo is done and I hope you are at home resting peacefully. I will pray that this dose of chemotherapy will be easy on you with little side effects but that it will kick those cancer cells BUTTS!! I pray for peace and rest for you and Ava. My baby is sick right now too and I know it is awful to see them suffer:( Keep up the good fight and know that God WILL sustain you through this.
Your prayer warrior in Grand Rapids:)
Katie
Just found your blog and read the archives, you are one brave, amazing lady. I nursed my father in law through chemo last year, it's horrible stuff indeed. Praying that you have no sickness whilst you are there. Much love and prayers from England. Kaje xx
ReplyDeleteSo proud of you babe. Love you so so much <3
ReplyDeleteHi Libby,
ReplyDeleteComin' in when this chemo is over, but I am still offering up prayers for your comfort & sending love & hugs to you. May His grace be sufficient for another day. Love you, Lee & Betty :)
Libby, Ryder & Ava
ReplyDeleteI have been reading your post since day one. You, Ryder and Ava are in my prayers everyday. You guys are such a blessing to YL. I am so proud of you. Thank you for sharing your pain and suffering with the world. God loves you and your family and I know he will always richly bless you. Hang in there! Keep faith! You guys have a lot of love surrounding you. There is not a family in Great Bridge that does not know of you. God hears our prayers! Shelley Scott
Thank you for sharing your journey with us. And thank you for your honesty, beautiful insights and faith. You are incredible! I wonder if you read other cancer blogs or carepages. As neuroblastoma is close to my heart (and in my family) I follow two beautiful children in their fight through their blogs and I thought you would be inspired and encouraged as well. Daisy's blog is http://prayfordaisy.com/ and Kate's blog is http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/mcraekate. Check them out and read them from the beginning....their fight, determination and faith is unbelievable. Children with cancer don't just have to go through 12 chemo treatments...they usually have YEARS and YEARS of treatment, high dose chemo, radiation, antibodies, stem cell transplants, blood transfusions, oral chemo and multiple painful surgeries. Their entire life is usually spent fighting their cancer. So if you can be a cancer survivor with only 12 chemo treatments you are incredibly blessed. I think you will also resonnate with the FAITH these families have. I will continue praying for your health and courage -- you are almost there!!
ReplyDeletejust found your blog thru kelle's, as my lily shares nella's magic. i will be praying for you- you had me at the "no capitols" and then when you talked about jesus right off the bat on your blog....well, i'm hooked:)
ReplyDeleteWill continue to pray for you and Ava, it is Saturday now, but will be praying for your strength and that the chemo is killing the cancer and that Ava is healing.
ReplyDelete