honestly i can not believe it. our little ava is one. and ava...i have not even begun this post and i am already crying. even though we were a bit surprised when we found out you were growing in my belly. the lord was way ahead of us. because i am not sure i would have been able to keep myself together through this season of life without you. really sweet ava. its true. i think about this a lot. how easy it would be to just sleep and read and stay inside when i was sad or sick. but because of you no matter what i had to get up. i had to keep moving. take care of you. feed you. play with you. read to you. teach you. rock you. bathe you. and kiss you. and kiss you. and kiss you some more. thanks for being so flexible. and easy. and fun. and how you scrunch your face sometimes. and smile with your six little teeth showing. and how you come to me when you are sad or hurt or scared or you want to cuddle. you have been the greatest gift in my cancer. well besides your dad. but its about you today. and i love you so much that my heart aches. it literally aches over you.
you decided to arrive a few days late. and although it was so hard for us to wait and wait...we knew you would come when you were ready. and girl you were ready. i labored through the night and before we knew it my contractions were only one-two minutes apart. so we got ready and daddy packed the car and we were on our way. and when we got to the hospital you arrived a few hours later. it was calm (after i got the epidural). we turned on the ipod and daddy and i talked. all about you. and what you would look like. and how you would act. there were so many unknowns. but we knew that you would be coming into a family that was full of lots of love. see your dad and i love each other a lot. like a lot a lot. but when you came into this world...you changed everything. in the best possible way. thank you for teaching me how to love in a new way. a deeper way. and we became a little team you and i. we did everything together. and although i wish cancer was not a part of our story. it is. and we can not change it. but you will not even remember this time in your life. but i will. and my sweet little ava...you helped me through this. so thank you sweet baby.
ava's first birthday party. in louisville, kentucky. 1.1.2011
|gelato. your cousin isabella's favorite.|
|your cake. but you could not actually eat since it had eggs. but we got you a special one.|
|you kept that flower on your head for most of the party. nice job little one.|
|sweet lexington friends.|
|cousin drake and aunt becky. (sorry allison the one of you and i was not that cute)|
and sara we did not even get one taken. sad.
|you devoured that cake. nice work.|
|your little scrunch face. love it.|
|opening presents. and i seem way more excited than you.|
|nope i am way way more excited in this one.|
|your sweet little cake.|
|you loved it.|
|little ella. your favorite girl cousin. oh, i hope more than anything that you two are close.|
even states away. you will love each other dearly.
|momma and ava.|
|ella and wadey eating some gelato.|
|i love you ava. you and me. we make a good little team.|