Friday, June 24, 2011

the blog world.

i like what my friend angie wrote on her blog on wednesday. read it HERE. the summary is that blogs can sometimes make us feel bad about ourselves. people present what they want to present. the best pictures. the best versions of themselves. who can blame them. i know when i pick out what pictures i post on our blog i tend to choose the ones where everyone looks good. i think it is natural. when it comes to marriage and the way relationships appear on blogs can also seem pretty picture perfect. for me our blog is not a place where i will throw justin under the bus or share the details of our marriage. i am always honest. i want to be real. i hope you know that if you read our blog. the reality for us is that we do not fight that often. we may disagree or get annoyed with each other but the whole yelling at each other thing is not our style. i kinda shut down. but we get frustrated with each other. he thinks i put pressure on him when i ask him what seems to me to be a simple question. he responds with "pressure libby. i am feeling a lot of pressure." that is not my intention but i am working on it because i think how you communication is key. justin says i nag him sometimes. i hate that. i do not mean to. obviously. and ever person communicates a little different and the way something is said may not be heard the same way. i get annoyed when justin leaves dishes on the counter. or does not clean up after he makes food. he sometimes leaves his wet towel on the bed when there are some great hooks about two feet from our bed for his towel to hang. but we pick our battles. for us it tends to be less about the big stuff and more about the day to day stuff. it seems to be the mundane things in life that can cause the most issues.

when it comes to pictures of people's homes i prefer not to see pictures of dirty laundry. but yesterday we had about six loads of laundry filling up the entire hallway. or pictures of dirty kitchens. i do for the most part try to keep our kitchen together. it is the central meeting place of our home. i think dirty dishes are gross. but currently our sink is full of dishes because emptying the dishwasher paralyzes me. i hate doing it. or our guest bedroom. it is currently more of a craft room/place to put clean unfolded laundry/dry cleaning/ironing/our printer/our desk with a computer we never use. i wish it did not serve ten purposes. i want it to be a guest room. a simple clean room that is restful and peaceful. that is my goal for the weekend since my mother in law and aunt are coming to sleep in the room when they watch ava while we are at young life camp.

the reality is no one has it all together. even those people that try really hard. the house appears perfect. the marriage seems perfect. the kids are dressed to the nines all the time. none of it is perfect. but do some people have the gift of keeping a clean organized home? yup they do. are some marriages full of more joy than others? yes they are. but there are so many layers to all of it. for us we put pictures on our blog that document our life and bring us joy. like ava, vacations, and gorgeous sunsets. but not every part of it is happy all the time. for me i would rather not read blogs full of pictures of messy houses, dirty cars, people crying, spouses arguing. but i know all that happens. i know life is hard. i know houses are messy. of course. but no marriage has it all together. there are no perfect wives. everyone drops the ball in some area or another. may just be a different area than you. many relationships are struggling. children are not behaving. teenagers are acting out. for us ava pulls hair sometimes and listens about 75% of the time. but we are trying to do our best. sometimes our kid acts crazy and it does not mean we are bad parents. even though some days i feel that way. ava is precious and beautiful and sweet. but she can also be rough, feisty, strong, not so good at sharing, likes to give other kids hugs where it knocks them over, and does not listen well all the time. but we are working on that. when i say freeze ava is supposed stop where ever she is. it has worked like twice so far. i tend to air on the side of not talking a lot about how we discipline and the details of our child rearing because once i hit publish it is out there. not going back. sometimes i do not want to hear people's thoughts on whether we are too hard on ava or not hard enough. people feel pretty passionate about that subject. but we try to love and love hard in this house. we believe loving hard is not allowing ava to do things that will hurt her even if she does not understand why. or throwing food of her highchair tray. that fires me up. i am constantly battling in my head...should i have done that? does she really understand that she should not do that? she is still a baby...or wait does that matter? i can tell she understands because she is testing me. i can see it in her little eyes. it is not easy. but no one said it was going to be. we fail some days and other days we thrive. i do love angie's heart in her post because it is easy to read blogs about other people's lives and simply assume... now they have it all together. i wish i had that house. or that marriage. or was that clean. or that creative. or whatever that is for you. but what we see and read is only a small part of some one's life. free yourself from the pressure to sometimes be someone you are not. i would love to say that i am the type of mom that is full of creative fun games and crafts everyday and is fine with piles of laundry, a dirty kitchen, and not having her iphone with her all the time. i am working on that. i find myself on the porch with ava and as she is running around playing i am checking my email or twitter or text messages. i want to work on that and be more present with her. i like the idea that it is okay to have a messy house as long as you have happy kids. i do believe most things can wait. they can wait until tomorrow. but it is good and healthy to keep our priorities straight. but what works for one person may not work for someone else. i want a happy kid. i believe ava is a happy little girl. but i like to keep the laundry moving and not pile up to how it got this week. now it is a bit overwhelming to even begin. we all have our areas where our gifts shine and areas we can work on or content in not being that good at whatever it might be. take the pressure off. i am saying that to myself too. no pressure. no one has it all together. thank goodness.

shifting gears a bit...

every week i meet with a bunch of girls in chesapeake. some lead young life some don't. it is just group of women who are trying to go deep with Christ and with each other. we spend a couple hours in our living room and share our hearts. what's good. what's bad. where we are joyful and where we are discouraged. i love it. they love it. it is pretty incredible. i think it is key to find people in your life that you can be real with. go deep with. that you trust and that that will hold you accountable. we all love each other too so that is real key. i shared last night about ava. our sweet little ava. the joy she is and how exhausting it is to be a mom. i feel like i say this all the time but i am reminded of it all the time. ava was the perfect age when i was sick. she is so busy now. it is constant redirection or saying no no not touch the toilet water. she is obsessed with water or vider as she calls it. no matter its state she likes to touch it. or tables. she loves to climb and stand on chairs and tables. not good. but i would not trade being her mom for anything in this world. i think every parent would agree. i sometimes just need a second...or two or three. i also thought about this group of girls and the unique thing i am realizing is that they are learning something so important at such a young age. that it is okay to be honest. be vulnerable. not pretend to have to it all together. share what is hard in life. our insecurities. where you are struggling. what you wish you did better. celebrate the accomplishments. being proud of one another. encouraging each other in Christ. i just think it is rare. i think so many people feel like they have to put up a front. they do not want anyone to know what is really below the surface. or what goes on behind closed doors. the ugly fights between spouses. a teenager who is acting out and getting into trouble. addiction. depression. sometimes life it just hard and it seems like no one gets you. or if people really knew what was going they would judge you. it is hard to find people you can be honest and real with. i am thankful for these girls. although we are in very different stages of life i appreciate their willingness to be honest. i like going deep. i have a hard time with things just stay on the surface. i think we are called to push each other. to grow. to reach our potential. encourage. listen. give advise. allow people to share. to really share what is going on inside. it just does not seem to happen very often. i am glad these girls are learning this now so that when they are fifty years old they know it is okay to share with their friends what's hard in life. or about raising kids. or that the are not getting along with their husband and they want out. or sometimes it is all just too much.

i think that is community. i think that is community in Christ. real and authentic. it has to be. it is just not worth it if it only stays on the surface. ask hard questions. i do not like to let people just say..."yeah everything is good." well what does good mean? dig a little deeper and maybe everything is just good. that's great. but maybe more is going on and many people are not even sure what it looks like to really share their heart. but i think it is in that...the honesty and heart level conversations where we grow and are pushed to become more and more of who we are meant to be in Christ. we do not have it all together. no one does. let's rest in that and go through life with people in a real. genuine. meaningful way. i like that the best.


  1. Love that you wrote this!!!! Couldn't have said it better. Thete are things I do not write about because the world doesn't need to know exactly what we fight about in our marriage. But we all fight in different ways...we never ever yell. Like you, it's not our style. But we do disagree about dumb stuff. But that's life. Tony is the one God picked for me and I so grateful that he is my husband.
    Our life is stressful and I have written that too but therefor always more behindvthe scenes. I don't like when people are 100% happy on there blog, it's do not real life. Or if you think it is, maybe something is hiding.
    Anyways thank you for posting this...I love it :)

  2. I hear you!! My kids are my joy, 100%. But they are also a good part of my daily exhaustion. I could not imagine life without them, but a break now and then is KEY. A happy Momma means happy kiddos!

  3. Well said. I couldn't agree with you more about the community in Christ. I love the deep convos and moving past I'm good". Thank you for sharing!

  4. Amazing words as always! I am lucky to have met you, what a wonderful woman of Christ you are! I know He is using you through this blog! So so wonderful!

  5. You are so blessed to have a group of young women that you can have honest communication with, so many people don't have that kind of freedom to share, they have only known judgmental people and don't even know there is something deeper to aspire toward.

    I am so glad that you will be attending young life camp. I hope it is a blessing to you. I am sure you will be a blessing to them.

  6. I so missed reading your blog while on vacation. I love this post - you are so bang on.
    I will try hard to be real but it is really hard.

    Love the new header picture. You are all lovely - especially little Ava.


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