Sunday, May 22, 2011

attachment and a little note

we just got home from church. ava hates the nursery. well not necessarily the nursery itself...just leaving me. we have not dealt with this yet at all with her.  she has always been so great with going with whoever and is used to different people watching her. but not the case in the past weeks. she cried one and off for almost an hour straight while i was working out at the Y. i tried to take a picture of her after i picked her up from the play center because i had never seen her eyes so red and blotchy and sad in all my life. but the camera on my phone was not working. along with everything else on my stupid droid. i hate it. get an iphone if you can. so i pick her up and seeing her sad little face was awful. but as soon as i get her she immediately stops crying, waves, and says "bye bye" to the workers. at least we have established that she is fine. nothing is actually wrong. the only thing that is wrong is that she is attached me. literally. i can not leave the room without her crying or running after me. and poor justin. she only seems to want me right now and it's breaking his heart and mine. i know this whole attachment stage is normal and most kids go through its just tough. it makes me not want to leave her. ever. quit going to church. quit working out. and never leave her with another person again in her life. exaggeration. i will do none of those things. i will keep bringing her places and leaving her even if she cries. but i will always come back. i want her to begin to understand that her mom and dad always come back. 

this morning at church it took two rounds. justin drops us off and goes to park and i bring her to nursery. i explain that she is having some attachment issues and may cry for a second. well she clings to me. she grabs my shirt. whatever she can to not let her go. but i do manage to hand her off with some tears. i go meet justin and we sit down. i can not focus so i go check on her and she is still crying. i take her out of the nursery. not sure what my plan is next. so we get a bagel and i bring her into church. thinking this would be her dream. she gets to stay with us. but nope she starts to fuss. so we leave. justin and i discuss what we should do. we decide to try again. but this time i go into the play area with her and start playing and sneak out. before i do that a sweet friend of ours comes into the nursery and offers to stay there with ava to make sure she is fine. um, thank you. seriously i was so thankful. so i sneak out and when we get her after the service and we find out she did great and did not fuss or cry once. progress. we made some progress. one step at a time.
ava is currently napping. i am getting ready for a cookout tonight at our house and heading to the pool with ava and some friends when she wakes up. 

so we have a little guest post today from our dear friend mandy. we love you and matt and your two little ones. thank you for walking through life with us...even from a distance.

from mandy...

“And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into His likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.”  1 Corinthians 3:18

…a reflection of our own marriage…
The first time I ever met Libby, I asked her to move in with us.  It was a bold moment for me, especially considering I had not asked my husband.  But there was something ringing in my heart and mind, and I know now it was the Spirit’s movement, coordinating God’s perfect plan.  We got to share an entire year with Libby and Justin, filled with true life…love and laughter, tears and troubles.  My husband Matt and I always joked that watching Libby and Justin interact was like looking into a mirror and seeing a reflection of our own marriage.  There were so many similarities in our personalities and our relationships…highlighted mainly by Matt and Justin making ridiculous statements or actions that they would later regret.  Libby and I always said to each other, “Good thing they are so funny.”

…a reflection of the light and hope for the future…
We were able to be a part of their wedding, and on that bright and sunny afternoon in May, we were honored to stand behind them as they professed their commitment to God’s plan and His purpose for them.  And on their faces we could see a reflection the light and hope for the future.

…a reflection of fear and faith intertwined…
I will never forget Libby’s voice on the phone that day in late July.  We were at my daughter’s swimming lessons, and I can still hear Libby’s voice saying, “…and you don’t know what to say, and that’s OK” as she finished the details of the past 48 hours--the diagnoses, the too many questions, and the not enough answers.  And in her voice was a reflection of fear and faith intertwined.

…a reflection of the darkness and uncertainty of cancer…
As I sat at their dining room table on a cold and dark November night, Justin and Libby shared their hearts with me, and in their words I caught a reflection of the darkness and uncertainty of cancer.  I listened as they traded thoughts, feelings, joys, and struggles.  I watched them wrestle with God’s purpose for them and grind out the realities of life and cancer.  And I could see them, in that moment, living out their purpose in God’s Kingdom.  Their promises made on that sunny May afternoon were being held to the fire, and here they were in front of me, really doing what we all talk about doing…accepting and leaning into God’s will for our lives.

…a reflection of her heart…
I checked her blog daily, and I could hear Libby’s voice poured out in lowercase letters—a reflection of her heart.  And we all caught a glimpse of a beauty that comes only from God.  A perfect integration of authenticity and faith.  The entries illustrated for us all how Libby and Justin had stepped up to the purpose and will God had for them in this season of life.  Only God has the full, panoramic view of how Libby’s words administered His Spirit to thousands of readers.  But just imagine all of the stories we will get to hear in Heaven…

…a reflection of the Lord’s glory…
Libby and Justin, thank you for taking us with you on your walk through cancer.  Thank you for changing our hearts and minds.  Thank you for living out God’s purposes for you in His kingdom on this earth.  Thank you for showing us how to truly reflect His glory in all situations.  Matt and I are so thankful for you and can only hope and pray that we might be able to look at our marriage and see a reflection of yours.  We love you.  

thanks mandy. this was good stuff. i love you.


  1. If your daughter is getting that upset when you are leaving her, then trust your instincts! She is not ready to be separated for that long from you yet. She's still pretty young, and continually doing this and letting her cry can cause emotional detachment. It is not a bad thing for children to be attached to their mamas - that's the way God designed them.

  2. isn't it heartbreaking but also somehow a little bit heartwarming that you know your little one knows you? I just had number two yesterday, and my 18-month-old cried when she came to see me at the hospital. and I just had to hold her and snuggle her for twenty minutes. so sad but so sweet. and they say her crying to and for you and throwing tantrums for only you is just showing healthy attachment and that she trusts you. she feels safe to share with you what she is feeling. so keep up the goods work of loving your Ava!

  3. Kaden went through that earlier at 10 months - 1 year. He's over it now and stays in nursery the whole hour :) It was hard to know when to leave and let him cry and when to just not won't last though..don't worry! It's sweet to be so wanted and needed by your baby!

  4. Libby,

    This is developmentally super normal at her age. The fact that she is having trouble leaving you means you have done everything right. She will actually get through it faster if you do continue in all your routines of leaving her with others. Reassure her but its very normal. Not every child goes through it but many experience this just after a year old and up till 18 months. It actually is because they have learned object permanence.

  5. Libby, it does break your heart to see your baby so distressed, but you are right, this is just a stage. Show her love and comfort, tell her you will be back, and then you have to go on as normal. Justin needs to keep doing for her as he always has, babies/children know who loves them by who cares for them. Dad's aren't substitute Moms or baby sitters or playmates, they have an important role of their own and he needs to keep on as usual. I know he can't help but get his feelings hurt, but he knows in his heart so loves him. This stage will pass soon.

  6. Mandy's words are so beautiful. You and Justin are blessed with so many people who love you.


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