trying to keep it together.

so tomorrow i will no longer be a single momma. i will actually still be a momma just without her baby. i am heading to orlando to meet up with my husband. who i now know. for sure. so positively that i like life so much better with him in it. i think i knew that already but these past nine days confirmed it.

i am heading to the young life all staff conference in flordia. it only happens once ever four years so it should be good.

i am excited in theory about it. i know it will be fun but life has felt so unsettled lately. way to many lists. too many to do's. sweet friend's hanging with ava (we could not do it without you). a new job. scarves (love the order overload). i do not feel rested. not at all. i am looking forward to getting away and enjoying 80 degree days. but there is a twinge of guilt about ava. not that we are going to flordia exactly. i have not felt very present with her this past week. way to many days that were go...go...go. i realize this is just the way it happens sometimes. that is fine. but for tonight. for this moment i hate the anxiety i have inside and i wish i had a cleaning lady and someone to pack my bags. maybe in another life.

hopefully once i am finally packed. i give little ava a goodbye kiss and i am on the plane i can relax.

enjoy the week. i maybe back again this week or i might take the whole week off. we will see.

that face. i am in love.