Thursday, May 17, 2012

direction or lack thereof

i have been sitting here for what feels like forever...and i got nothing. i had hopes of writing while ava is asleep and before i need to get to bed...but nothing seems to be coming. not sure what that is about. i guess this is writers block. i told justin this weekend that i feel like i have no goals and i am not sure what i am passionate about. to which he said...babe, you are passionate and let's get you some goals. i know what i like. i know how i like to spend my time. i enjoy lots of things. for example i like decorating, cooking, crafts, tv, books, shopping, being outside, going for walks, hanging with friends, being with my family, etc. i enjoy all those things. but i guess i wish i knew what ignited a fire inside me. what brought be joy and purpose. i know my life is found in Christ...but i desire to have more specific direction. is okay that i do not feel passionate everyday about being mom? but i would not trade it for the world. ever. seriously. is it normal to feel different about things everyday? it okay that i know i want to write a theory but the idea scares me and i am paralyzed in that fear so i stop moving in a direction of writing? is anyone else in this boat? not totally clear on what they are about and where they are headed? i wish..for now that i had a little more vision for my life. i do believe that if you put your mind to something you can do it. whatever it is. i do believe that...just not totally sure what i want or where i am going (aside from the definite: being a wife, ava's mom, and a friend to many) so instead of coming to some conclusion or conclusions tonight...i will keep it open ended.

anyone else feel the same way? i sure hope so.

regardless of my lack of goals for least ava is real cute.

thanks queen. these pictures are precious.


  1. Oh.My.Goodness. You are speaking my language! Just add scrapbooking, knitting and quilting...LOL!! I'm at a whole different stage of life than you Libby. I am a new empty-nester, new grandma (for the first time) and I'm trying so hard to discern what God wants for me to do this stage in this place. We just moved here two years ago...and I miss my friends, my job, my church. I feel like I'm empty...waiting for God to fill me up and give me direction. Until then, I will be the best wife I can be, the best mom & grandma I can be and the best school volunteer I can be. Is there a job where one feels passionate everyday? I love being a wife and mom...but some days are just humdrum. It's okay. I see lots of passion in your life just through what you share in your blog. You are passionate about your daughter...maybe just not a mountain top high experience being a mommy everyday. Been there, done that. I know that you (and I, too) will keep reaching for God and He will guide us! Sooner or later He will plant those goals in our hearts! You are right...Ava is precious!

  2. sitting in the passionate but no goals zone is tiring eh? i feel i've been there for the last few months and a prick of light - with some goals maybe attached is starting to filter through.

    i really recommend Chazown by Craig Groschel - premise: we need vision if we are to achieve our God-given potential.

    and One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp - both have shifted my perspective...

    praying your vision, your goals, break through soon.

  3. This is exactly how I feel. I used to have so many career goals but left corporate America because I didn't want some "boss" telling me I couldn't pick up my son when he was sick or leave early for a program at his school! I have so many things that I enjoy in life but just feel like I lack the confidence to really follow any of my dreams! You are not alone!!! I think as women and moms we are our toughest critic!!! Give yourself time to really realize what ever it is that you are most driven to do!!!

  4. I am right there with you. For the last few weeks I have felt like I was standing at a cross road with no clear indication on which way to go. So, here I am weeks later just still standing and looking both ways wondering when I will know in which direction to move. Praying!

  5. Yes yes yes. I feel the exact same way!!! I kinda feel like this since going through the battle of cancer (almost exactly like you), that now nothing is worth being passionate about. Its hard to find the spark and I struggle as well. I used to be passionate about water polo and coaching at the high I just don't have it in me to get "really" upset from a loss...all I ever think could be worse!! So I "retired" from coaching to spend more time with my little dude! Its funny you speak of writing a book...I also have been inspired to write a book...but have NO clue how and where to begin. I have many things to write brother being murdered in 2000, Mom beating breast cancer in 2005, birth of my son in 2009 and then of course MY diagnosis in August much has weighed on my heart that I want to write!!!!
    Have you read Kelle Hampton's book...I love how her memoir is laid out...shes pretty awesome (and I saw the pic of you in her book too!! totally cool!). ANyway...keep on truckin''ll find the spark somewhere!!!!

  6. I feel exactly the same way! I quit my job in July due to several reasons and am now staying at home with my son and awaiting the arrival of our baby girl in July. I feel like God is preparing me for something, but I have NO IDEA what that is. I feel completely torn about where to go from here. I love being a mom so much, but it is not my sole purpose here. I feel like I am underutilizing my talents, but I don't know how or where to utilize them. It is all very confusing and overwhelming.
    I do know that prayer and the Bible provides more comfort and direction than anything. I also know that anything worth anything in life is usually a little scary, intimitading, and/or unknown at some point in the journey. I am confident you will figure out what is next and it will be more amazing than you imagined!

  7. Libby I hear ya sister. I struggle everyday to figure out what the Lord wants for my life and where He wants me. It's hard but let's keep holding on!!!!!!

  8. Keep searching and dreaming! I think often we forget to dream and amazing things come from dreaming! But I also feel like for the next few months I just want to be quiet and do those little things I love like crafting, blogging,reading, etc, etc... blessings to you girl!

  9. lib you are not alone. in a funky season of my own. i find myself distracting myself with lots of little things in order to go deep with myself and let freedom really seep into my heart. why do i do that? beats me. fear of going to that place? it's right in front of me.. it's attainable & tangible but i'm terrified to take that step of faith to reach & out and really go there. what does that even look like or mean? i'm not real sure. i'm learning that sometimes it takes recognizing the condition of our heart and awareness of our own realities before we can make any other kind of progress. i don't want to be stagnant. i want that fire. let's keep putting one step in front of the other and head towards that fire, passion & joy.

  10. Coming in rather late... just wanted to say that we have seasons in our lives where God's will for us is not to do big, 'important' things. Sometimes it really is just about doing the little things - keeping the washing under control, being a wife and a mother, and just being you! Life isn't exciting all the time, often it is just doing the daily chores that need doing, and being the best you that you can be. And that is fine! We don't know about most of Jesus' life - we know a lot about the last 3 years, but almost all the rest of His life there's nothing written about. My guess is that He spent a lot of time being a carpenter, and that doesn't seem terribly earth-shattering, lol!
    Don't panic if nothing 'big' is on your horizon right now, that will change. For now, just enjoy the little things of your life, and do them well.

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