Friday, October 1, 2010

post chemo 3

i am home alone sitting in our bed. its a nice break. justin's mom, aunt, and uncle are here and they all just headed to the mall for a little shopping and took little ava. so now its just me and i like that. whenever we have guests here i have such a hard time resting because i hate being left out of anything. i always wonder what i am missing when i am in bed "sleeping." but today is ok. i am very nauseous. i was able to eat breakfast but my stomach hurts. i am exhausted. no mouth sores yet. but i think i am having heartburn or something because my chest hurts. like i cant completely swallow. so that's a new one. but other than that no new chemo side effects. thankful yesterday the road to our house was not flooded and when our babysitter text me that our power was out...which i hate, it only ended up being out for an hour or two. man its the little things. i sure do like electricity.

yesterday was the worst chemo day we have had. not only was it pouring rain so everything seemed dreary, but after i got my blood work done my nurse came out and told me my wbc was back down to 520. it had been 1100 on tuesday and within that time had dropped again. she just wanted to mention it in case my dr decided to not treat me today, just so i could emotionally prepare for that. but when we saw the dr he did decide to treat me, but did tell us that i would begin getting injections to help my wbc count go up. so i will go in on saturday, sunday, monday, and tuesday for these injections. he said they are quick and not painful. but they can cause aches and pain. i am sad about this. i was really beginning to enjoy not having to go to so many dr appointments anymore. i will then go in on tuesday the 12th for more blood work and then see my dr to assess my count and decide if i need injections that day and on wednesday before my chemo number four on the fourteenth of october.

yesterday was hard. it just reminded me that every time i see the dr could result in something new. its just not easy. nothing about treating cancer is easy. and that is just hard to handle. even my kind dr who i respect so much expressed his own worry and concern about having to do these injections, but he just said that we can not keep pushing back treatments. he said if my wbc was randomly low that then it would be alright to push back treatment, but he said not when its almost every time we need to treat you. then he said something that was sad and hard and scary. not sure why it scared me, but it did. he just said that the more complications and more my treatment schedule changes...how both those impact my cure rate. i hate that he even mentioned that. he said that twice about my cure rate. that was where a lot of my peace in this whole cancer thing was coming from was that this is a curable cancer. and it still is. i know that. i just hope these injections do there job and my treatment of every other thursday for six months continues to be the plan of action. yesterday just reminded once again how little control we have and even how little control my dr has. it made it even more clear to me that my hope is found in christ. nothing else. and that prayer works and is necessary. lets pray these little wbc bounce back and allow chemo to do its job. because its only been two month, but i am already tried of this. all of this.

but for today i will rest. or at least try to. and also try not to be angry about getting injections the next four days. but i am a little angry for sure. and annoyed.

but thank you to those of you who read this blog, comment, email, send letters, and text...i can not even begin to express my gratitude. but i hope thank you is enough.

20 comments:

  1. Praying for you.
    Carley

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  3. oops! i was still logged in to your account from posting the ava pic yesterday hence the comment above from "you."

    i'm reading everything you write and praying for everything you need. i love you and hope you rest well today and that you are able to enjoy your guests. make a bed on the couch and have them all come upstairs!

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  4. libby- praying for you still so hard! its been such an encouragement to read your blog, but also every time i am on facebook there is a link to your blog on one of many mutual friend's account- and it astounds me how vast and wide the kingdom is, and yet how small and intimate! i loved reading the newspaper article, and just rejoiced at how many people who have not understood or heard the gospel were going to be touched by picking up the paper that day!
    HUGE things!
    (ps. the video with the girls getting their haircut: precious).
    xxoxo from Lexington, VA.
    Kari

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  5. Praying that your wbc does go up!

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  6. Praying for you and hope you have a good weekend!

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  7. There are many thoughts heading your way, I wish the best of luck to you. Reading your posts makes me slightly envious of the faith you have in Christ, I hope to get myself there one day. Continue being brave, good luck with the injections and I hope that they do their job!

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  8. So wild how those few words the doc said can start to cast a shadow over hope. Hold on so tight to Jesus, Libby. Even if you can't, He's holding on to you. The WBC will be our family's ongoing prayer for you. I'm also praying that simple rest will go a long way to restore your WBC and recover from chemo. Gosh, you're so right...little control. God, who loves you relentlessly, has got it though. Press into Him because there is more life like you've never known waiting for you...specifically you. Gargle on, girl.

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  9. We are continuing to pray for you and will be praying that your WBC will go and stay up.

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  10. lIBBY, the shots really aren't bad, and the leg pain isn't the worst thing that can happen! After all, it will all be worth it when you are cured! PRAISE GOD FOR HIS HEALING HANDS
    lOVE YA,
    lORI

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  11. Libby,
    Just want you to know that I have been reading your blog and praying for you and your beautiful family often!!! Thank you for sharing your journey. You are such a strong person and your faith is definitely a testimony to everyone!

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  12. More prayers for those cells. Don't let the doctor's words make you loose that positive attitude. This is so hard for you.
    I love your new picture. You are such a cute little family. ((((HUGS)))

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  13. Libby you don't know me
    but your story is awesome.
    I'll be praying for you I know you can do it!
    -Ellen

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  14. Libby, don't let what the doc said get you down. A positive attitude will go a long way in helping you feel better between the treatments. I'm praying real hard for the WBC to be up and for your strength and peace during this long process. Still reading this blog daily...thank you again for sharing.

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  15. Hi Libby, Lee & I are praying for your wbc to rise & stay strong. Remember to take this one day at a time....don't worry about tomorrow... just persevere thru today...your next treatment could run smoothly! We love you.

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  16. The Belcastro/Glupker fam are praying for your wbc and remember who is healing and caring for you. Praying your feel His grace and peace as you recover from chemo 3. Love you and hope to skype again soon.

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  17. Libby,
    We've never met, I live in Ohio. I am a YL leader, and I shared the link to your blog with one of my high school girls... and I want to thank you, so so much. Thank you for sharing your faith through it all, and for using this blog as your avenue. God is working through your faith in the life of this girl I'm working with... He's working and moving, and being magnified, in ways that are only possible because of this blog. I wish you could see.

    Thank you, so much. Keep fighting, I won't cease praying for you. You are a strong witness, I praise the Lord for you.

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  18. Prayers Libby! I'm sure you don't know who I am but I'm sharing your story and recruiting prayers! Stay strong!

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  19. Thank you is more than enough, sweet girl! I thank you for your faith, your courage, your spirit, your honesty through all of this. Keep hangin tough - we are praying with you every day! Love you, Ann

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  20. Libby and Justin, Dr. Jesus is in control. Expect the unexpected and, yes, even miracles. SDG

    The Liebermans

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