Monday, October 25, 2010

i love this weather.

today is mild and overcast. we actually have a thunderstorm watch and i love it. i like days like these. it tells me i should nap, lay in bed, and read. i will do all those things right now because little ava is sleeping. my grandma is here. she drove from mi with her friend and they arrived last night. she brought ava this new book with babies faces and she loves it. like she wanted to sleep with it type of love. its precious. we just went out for lunch and ava attempted to talk to anyone in the restaurant that would listen. thankfully everyone around seemed to love her so it worked out. now we are back home and all three of us are resting. i will as soon as i blog. i was not planning on it because i am seriously tired. but i could not keep it inside. all that i am feeling. i am overwhelmed. nearly speechless about the emails i have received in the past few days. so many strangers. i know i just blogged about this and i will give it a rest in a second. but for now thank you. it is such a source of encouragement to us. i just got an email from a women who was coming home from Busch Gardens yesterday and when she stopped at Burger King on the way home she saw a sticky note on the bathroom door which my blog address and underneath that it said. life changing. she thought it was a joke but because she was curious so went home and started reading. the whole thing. that is crazy to me. not because i care about the attention...but because people are reading about jesus and cancer and how you can have cancer and not hate God. it is leaving me speechless. all of it. a little book club in richmond, va was talking about the blog last week and this woman emailed me today because she had come home from her meeting and started reading. because the women talking about it were captivated by it she said. wanna know why they were captivated...jesus. because i have no idea what i am doing. either does justin. cancer is crazy and life is changing. daily. but we know one thing. that jesus is with us. in our suffering. in our pain. when i hate cancer so bad i could cry. he is in it. in our pain he is being glorified. i love that because it does not make sense. how through all of this pain i feel more loved than i ever have in my life. i also love it because jesus does not work in the ways you would you think. but instead he allowed me to get cancer because he knew. he knew he was going to use for his goodness. and its more than clear to me when i get email after email from people who see jesus differently now. love him differently. desire to know him more. or maybe for the first time are thinking about God and what that means for their life. early on i said to i would have cancer for the rest of my life it meant that people who would come to know jesus in a real way. well its happening. and hopefully i wont really have to have cancer for the rest of my life. and i am thankful because we are in the midst of cancer and we are already seeing the Lord work. often times in life we do not know why certain things happen until later...but what a gift it is to be a part of something he is doing now.

saturday, sunday, and today are good days. i wanted to write that down so when i forget what normal feels like i can read this post. feeling normal for me = energy to play with ava, food tastes good and i do not feel the need to throw it up, i have the desire to clean my house, do laundry, and organize areas i have been putting off for weeks, and overall i just feel good. so when normal begins to slip away i need days like today to remind that it wont always be so hard and i wont always feel so sick. three more days until chemo and thus the cycle begins again.

18 comments:

  1. A group of girls in Raleigh, NC (some YL leaders some not) are following you on this journey. Thank you for being so vulnerable, raw, and willing. It is in WEAKNESS that he is glorified. We love you Libby (and were sporting the bracelets to show it)! praying for you, justin, and ava.

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  2. Dear Lib,

    Never thought I would be so proud of having my daughter's name on the wall of a public restroom. :)

    It is crazy...but I continue to be amazed and proud that God is using you and your story in such a powerful way. And this is the same God I trust your future to. Every day. Somedays better than others. But today's post was just what I needed. I can relax knowing you are feeling normal today. Amazing Grace. Love, Mom

    Raining here today...good weather for unpacking.

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  3. Thinking of you today Libby and love your Mom's comment.

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  4. baaaahahahaha to your momma's comment...that is hilarious! and how awesome is it that the kingdom is advancing through hard things like cancer and is shared in icky places like public restrooms? God is sooooo good.

    glad today is a good day!

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  5. Love you Libby! I am glad I can continue to be apart of your life's journey through this blog. It's almost like Sheville! Ok, maybe not, but almost. Thank you for being brave and letting the Lord use you with everything you have to offer. God has a crazy sense of humor. I love you. Trent and I have committed to pray for you, Ryder, & Ava every night. Let us know if we can do anything. xoxo

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  6. My dear Libby, I'm always so encouraged to hear how the Lord is continually working in your life and in those it is touching. I love you and I'm still praying.

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  7. I might be one of your most random blog readers but I'm a senior guy at the University of Maryland that found out about your blog from my good friends that are YL leaders that I think know you and your husband (Erin Doyle, Tommy Barber, Steve Floyd). After reading your whole blog in a day and being brought to tears, I want to let you know I continually pray for you and your family and what God is doing through you is just awesome. Your story has put so much perspective into my life and really has given me an eternal perspective and one of glorifying Christ in all I do. I check your blog each and every day for inspiration and to see what you need prayers for. I pray you and your family will continue to look to Jesus and you will glorify Him through your great trial!

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  8. as followers of Jesus and Libby, let's all join in and see how many "LIFE CHANGING" sticky notes we can post around the world! Libby, I knew that someday you would thank jesus for choosing YOU!
    lOVE YA!

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  9. Imagine the lives you wouldn't touch if you stopped writing! The Lord is using you in a mighty way Libby. Even in the darkest most ugly days His light is shining through. What a gift He is giving to the world through you and your walk. " And we know that for those that love God all things work together for good for those who are called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28
    Prayers for His peace, His healing and His blessings from Va

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  10. Libby, I wish i could remember how I came across you blog, but I cant. Anyway, I read now too and I am continually inspired by your faithfulness in such a difficult time in your life. But it reminded me (when in fact I may have forgotten) that God is Good and we must be faithful and put EVERYTHING in His hands. In a difficult time in my life myself, your blog reminds me that He has a plan and I can trust in it. Thanks for sharing your (and His) story. I am grateful and will continue to pray for you.

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  11. You are such an inspiration to so many people. Thanks as always for your post. I am proud of you and Jus...praying

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  12. we are a mom's group in Maryland and we are following your blog too!!!

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  13. I continue to pray for you and think of you daily as you are on this journey. Even in the rough moments, your words touch everyone who reads them - you are so honest, and so brave. One day you will look back on this, fully healthy and healed, and you'll be grateful you wrote down the good, bad and ugly. You remind me in your posts to not take anything for granted, and to cherish every moment.

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  14. ava-hearing your sweet laugh on the phone this morning was a great way to start my day...keep on laughing-it's soulfood for you mommy & daddy...have so much fun in the obx...give mommy lots of hugs & kisses...she loves them...
    xoxo aunt becky

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  15. So glad to hear you had a good day Libby! You and your "little family" are in my prayers daily. It was good to see you at the YL banquet last week.

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  16. Libby,
    I found out about your blog from a friend who has connections to YL and reading it has been a gift to me. I am fighting Hodgkins Lymphoma right now, too. My husband and I pastor a church in boulder, co. I am 32 and have a 4 year old son. You put words to so many of the things I think and feel. Sometimes I think you've somehow read my mind! Through the sadness and difficulty we are unwaveringly loved by our Father and He knows our story. I know you have a ton of wonderful people in your life, but if you ever have the energy/desire to talk to someone walking the same road, I would love to talk. My email address is natalierazavi@gmail.com. Love and Hope to you!

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  17. Libby,

    I am just so amazed at how God can use such an ugly thing as cancer in such a powerful way to touch people's lives. It's tragic, it's awful...but our God is a God who takes the bad things in our fallen world and somehow makes beauty from it. And you have shown how He uses something as ugly as cancer for His glory when His children surrender their lives to Him! Beautiful! Thank you for not wasting your cancer!
    sending prayers from down in Georgia,
    Joanne

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  18. Libby,

    I am a part of "that little book club in Richmond"....and I was not there on Tuseday night however I got the email about it tonight and I to just spent 3 hrs reading your blog!! You are making a difference!

    -kb

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