school and teachable moments. for me and her.

since i am continuing to have a hard time with the ol' blog i thought i would do a little ryder family update. i am not sure why i am not writing. i think about it. i think about it a lot. not that i see this place as a "should do" or a "have to." that's a little silly considering i write on this blog for no other reason than to share my heart and our life and it's a great way to not forget stuff. but it's not like i am getting paid or signed a contract or anything like that. it's here and it's free and it's not going anywhere. no promises about when i will write next which has to be annoying if you follow our blog. it would annoy me because i get sad when the sites i read don't post for a while. but as we get into the routine of the fall and school and the hecticness and wonderfulness about young life i hoping to get into a nice little groove. whatever that might look like.

ava started school a couple weeks ago. two days a week she heads to school where her favorite part of the day is...recess. shocker. after her first day when i went to pick her up i asked her teacher, "how did ava do?" to which she said, "good. we had a good day." this is where i sometimes can't help myself but i need to learn to help myself. i ask, "anything we can work on at home or any concerns." side note: i guess i ask stuff like this out of my own insecurities about ava and her behavior and blah blah blah..she is a reflection of me and i can't control her and she can be loud and yell and not listen and sometimes push and sharing is not her strongest gift. i guess i asked that because i assumed she maybe had done one or all of the things i just noted. her teacher said, "oh, she just needs to learn the routine and how she can't go first all the time. but it's fine she just needs to get into the rhythm of school." ok so not that bad. she didn't say anything hurtful or mean. she just shared more because i asked for more. i wanted some details. but this is where i need to just stop. she had a good day...okay great...now moving right along. because i am ava's biggest fan i was quick to read into it and think...oh, man she didn't listen and wanted to be first, etc, etc. but here is the thing i kinda just wanted her teacher to say something like this..."oh, ava she is smart and friendly and a leader and knows what she wants." i guess i wanted that. but i realized that maybe i shouldn't ask questions to which this 1st day of school momma whose heart is sensitive wasn't able to handle. i want my girl to flourish and grow and have fun...and all of those things are happening. but i need to lay down my own pride and my own...this little peanut is a reflection of me and our parenting and when she is gone at school i really have no control of what she does or how she acts. but this is good and right and normal. whatever normal is.

my girl doesn't have it all together and thank goodness because neither do i. my hope for ava is that she is able to grow and be her own person and be creative and mess up and learn and say sorry and forgive others. it can seem complex but really it's not. i am thankful for the spirit the Lord has given ava and the way she loves people around her and we are working on her sharp tongue when she screams, "no." but i am proud of who she is becoming and that i get a front row seat.

classic and kinda sad recess story. on the way to school this week i asked her who she was going to play with today. (i ask ava about school on the ride home every time i pick her up and she has already forgotten what she did that day so we usually just wait for her to share about her day at random times when she is ready). anyways, she shared this. "i was at recess and wanted to play with "michelle" and she said her group was too big and that i couldn't play. so i told my teacher and she gave me a napkin because i had a tear." my heart broke. into a million little pieces. her group was full? seriously. who has "groups" in pre-school and that girl is crazy to not bring ava into her "group" because if i may say so myself...she's the life of the party in my humble opinion. but this is where having two parents comes in real nicely because to be honest i hurt for ava. i hate that she felt left out and her feelings were hurt. i know it is not that big of a deal and i did not get all dramatic about it...i just think i realized that this was the beginning. the beginning of what life outside of our the home and in the home can look like. girls can be mean. i know because i was one. insecure and selfish and so desperate to fit in and be accepted that how i treated people in the process tended to get shoved to the wayside. but justin came in and encouraged her to ask someone else to play and make sure no one on the playground was playing alone and to ask "michelle" if she wanted to play today. try again. we reminded her that now that she knew what it felt like to be left out and how her own heart will be aware of that and how we want to play with everyone. always kind. never exclusive. i want her to know that meanness is not how we roll. to teach her that life is too precious to be mean. we never know what people are walking through...even at 4 years old. what is happening at home and behind closed doors. since we don't always know the whole story or any of the story sometimes...let's be a family that is about people. loving them. asking questions. sharing what we have. for ava maybe that is her favorite dress up clothes and for us it's opening our home and sharing a meal with people. we want to be about others and have a heart that is looking outward. inward is okay. but we don't want to be too into ourselves. i am thankful that because our little girl is strong and sensitive she can live both out in different ways. i am scared and honored to walk alongside her as we both try and navigate through it all. thankfully we are not alone.

i think life and parenting is all about teachable moments. with our kids, spouses, friends, family. discovering how can we be a light to one another...everyday.

(next post. lyla update. but for now...that open mouth smile. it's too much).

winner winner winner

Thanks for all the entires for the super cute monogrammed t-shirt by crystal faye.

We are heading to the beach this weekend with 100 or so young life leaders from JMU so this is quick.

Congrats Ally McConnell your new initials will look great. Email me at libbyryderblog@gmail.com to claim your new shirt.

Don't we all love a nice monogrammed...well anything.

check out www.shopcrystalfaye.com for more goodies.

Enjoy your weekend it's going to be a pretty around here.

Monogrammed giveaway

Dropping in quick today for a little giveaway from our sweet friend crystal faye...check her shop out at www.shopcrystalfaye.com.

Just leave a comment and you will be automatically entered to win your own grey t shirt with your personalized monogram. Enter. It's easy and everyone likes a free t shirt!!!

Enjoy.

Reflecting

Three years ago today I was recovering in my bed from my first of 12 chemotherapy treatments. It was miserable. I had this tingling feeling in my mouth like hundreds of little knives were pricking at my tongue. It was awful. Justin made tomato basil soup. He got into making soup for a little bit. I couldn't eat because it hurt my mouth too much. So i ate saltines instead. That's all I really remember. I am not sure who took care of Ava. I am sure I could look back at the archives and find out but I wanted to recall what came to me naturally. I remember laying in bed and smelling Justin cook. Cancer slowed us down. Without throwing my sweet husband under the bus I am not sure he has cooked since. But I am fine with that because we all have gifts and preparing food is not my gift. We'd both rather eat out.

It's interesting what you remember about certain day or certain time in your life. 12 treatments felt like so many. I recall Justin's dad calling me and saying..."you did it. One down. 11 to go. You can do this!" I instantly thought...Is he serious? 11 feels like a lifetime. but i did do it. I completed all 12 treatments and we made it. We came out of it a little weary and broken. But we also came out of it feeling more loved and taken care of than at any other time in our life. I will take the pain and the sickness and the tingling knives any day...just to experience and live in the truth of the Lord's infinitely deep and wide love for me, Justin, our girls, and you. It's that deep. It's real and tangible and available for all of us.

As I reflected on where I was three years ago I thought back on today. A rainy day where a coupe girlfriends and I loaded our kids in my van and drove an hour to shop for home decor at hobby lobby. I love that place. It was full of Ava not listening, speaking rudely, crying, and annoying her little friend in the backseat. I wasn't patient with her today. I was frustrated because all I wanted was a nice little shopping trip with my friends to a store I really like. I did buy a few things and lyla barely made a sound the entire day. She's my laid back girl. Ava has not been listening that well this week and it's draining me. When I laid her down tonight we talked about it but she didn't express much remorse or regret for her choices. So we prayed and read books and I rubbed her face. That's her favorite. I told her if she got out of bed tonight I would take her stuffed animals and blanket away. She said she wouldn't get out. I kissed her and went to check on lyla and when I came out of her room she was standing in the hallway. So I walked into her room and removed all 8 animals and 3 blankets (she's a hoarder) and walked out. She cried. Don't worry she still has her sheet and comforter. came into the living room and sat down and for some reason opened blogger and here I am.

Even though today was hard. Because parenting is hard...like many things in life are hard. I know that I would take a thousand of these type of days than a day like 3 years ago. where I was nervous and scared and often wondered if I would be here to raise Ava. Because The Lord healed me I am helping Justin raise this strong willed little girl who wears me out. I would rather be worn out than missing a second of her life. The best part of it all is not only am I healthy for Ava but healthy enough to give her a little sister. Who she adores. Being a mother is exhausting and scary. Chemo was exhausting and scary. But thank you Jesus for giving me the health to walk alongside these precious girls as they grow into strong and caring women. I pray that they are bold and also tender hearted and have a heart that breaks for other people. I spend the most time with Ava and Lyla than anyone else. Sometimes the idea of that is overwhelming. I cave under the pressure. But today...as I remember where I once was to where I am now...I am grateful. I will choose joy. Starting now. Because I failed a lot today. But this moment as i sit when the house is quiet and my babies are asleep. I never want to forget how often I thought about what if i wasn't here for Ava? And the fear and deep grief that swept over me...that felt overwhelming. but the gift that it is to be here. Be my girls mom. Love them. Take them on adventures. Plan parties. Go on walks. Cuddle in bed and softly touch her little face. I could have missed all this. I don't want to miss out on her just because my patience is wearing thin. Is it okay that not everything about being a mom is fun? YES!! Duh. Of course it's not all fun and easy and picturesque. But I promise this. It's far better than walking through the reality that you might miss it all...so i will take a tough day like today...anytime.

A little look at lyla's nursery.

Her room is not done. She is 7 months old and it's not done. But after a few pictures finally get hung along with three ikea shelves and the accessorizing is compete it
will be finished. But then I will start thinking about her big girl room (speaking of Ava's is in the works currently as well and i will post a preview tomorrow).

I tend to keep things pretty neutral around our house but decided to go bold with Lyla's room. A lot of yellow and pink while accenting with white black, grey, tangerine and turquoise. That seems like a lot of accent colors once i wrote them all down but oh, well...

But the brightness of her room seems appropriate as our sweet girl as taught us all a lot about joy. She smiles all the time and is currently cracking up at her big sister as I type this post. I am grateful for how she as helped us weather the storm of this past Christmas.

Nursery details without links. Sorry

Rug: urban outfitters
Drapes: my mom made
Crib skirt: fabric hobby lobby and made by my mother.
Bumper/sheet/changing pad/hamper: pottery barn kids: the Harper collection.
Toy/book container: ikea
Lamps: major clearance tj maxx
Pillows: 2 black from target and the rest my mother made and had the yellow one monogrammed.
Letter L: joann fabric and my mother covered with extra crib fabric and added the piping.
Poms: Pomlove (extras from Ava's room)
Dresser knobs: hobby lobby
Personalized prints: my friend Angie at www.designthirstyhearts.blogspot.com
Diaper holder: tj maxx
Frames: target and tj maxx
Comforter: target already owned form 6 years ago.
3 wall shelves: pier one a long time ago and spray painted.
Pink mirror: recycled from Ava's room

The large print above her bed is actually Ava...had a photo shoot on vacation last week so i will replace it with a picture of Lyla as well as filling a few more frames in her room.

I have a constant case of not being able to create what I envision in my head but I am hopeful once it's totally finished I will love it even more.

Enjoy. Also I am open to decor suggestion so leave a comment.

Making a comeback.

I didn't mean to let the past two months pass by without writing. But I did. Between a newborn and a three year old and an incredibly full summer the time to write just didn't happen.

Update.

(My last post I wrote...thankfully
My dear friend is doing much better and The Lord is healing)

lyla is sitting up and so strong. she is sleeping through the night. She has had a hard time sleeping and finally our little babe is enjoying some rest at night.

Ava starts pre-school in a few weeks. Ahhhhh

We spent the entire month of July serving at the young life camp: rockbridge. It's where Justin and I met and where my life took a life changing turn. For Jesus and for my husband.

It was an incredible month. Lives changed forever. I am humbled and thankful to have been apart of it.

Ava acts like a teenager most of the time and is way to cool for her momma. But not at night when she needs me to sing two songs and rub her back and talk about our days. She remains to be a strong willed little girl but melts my heart and I am so proud of who she is becoming.

We just returned from our annual beach vacation with Justin's family. It was bittersweet. Ted felt so close and the lack of his physical presence was overwhelming at times. We cried and laughed and celebrated. He would want us to laugh. So we laughed. A lot.

The bond between my girls is more than I imagined and it's only just begin.

A lot of experiences and memories happened this summer and hope to reflect on them as time unfolds.

I am grateful for our life and the relationships we have and how full it makes our hearts and our lives and this one precious life. I have felt very cared for this summer.

Just a little quick one

Much more back story is needed for this post but it will come another day.

I am in Floridia with my dear friend who is getting some tests done and seeing doctors who we pray will diagnosis her pain.

It all happened fast and lyla and I are thankful to be here. Lyla just goes with the flow and i am so thankful.

After I booked my flight in the car on our way to Virginia beach for a wedding this past weekend I began to cry. So hard.

I looked over at Justin as tears streamed down my face and I said...I have no idea why I am crying. Maybe it was the beauty of the drive. Lyla was sleeping in the backseat. Ava was at home with her grandmas. We were listening to incredible music. Music touches my soul. But above all I felt overwhelming gratitude to The Lord for saving me. For sparing my life in cancer and healing me. It was all worth it to be able to be here with my friend. To understand the fear that health can have over you and the exhaustion of the unknown. But above all we know the truth. The truth that lies in Christ. Nothing is too much for Him and we were created to depend on Him alone.

In the midst of appts and tests and scans we can laugh. Eat cookies. Experience joy. Drink starbucks. we have a joy that is far deeper than any pain or discomfort.

I love the mystery in Christ. We don't always know or understand things but we trust Him. Even when it's hard. Especially when it's hard. But that He knew this friendship would grow and our spirits would connect and we would be here together. To walk through this together. Hard things bring people together just like joyful things bring people together. we are experiencing both.

Thankful for lyla. she is bringing smiles to faces of so many people who are having a hard time seeing joy given where they are and what they are walking through. God is good and babies are beautiful.