Thursday, September 19, 2013

school and teachable moments. for me and her.

since i am continuing to have a hard time with the ol' blog i thought i would do a little ryder family update. i am not sure why i am not writing. i think about it. i think about it a lot. not that i see this place as a "should do" or a "have to." that's a little silly considering i write on this blog for no other reason than to share my heart and our life and it's a great way to not forget stuff. but it's not like i am getting paid or signed a contract or anything like that. it's here and it's free and it's not going anywhere. no promises about when i will write next which has to be annoying if you follow our blog. it would annoy me because i get sad when the sites i read don't post for a while. but as we get into the routine of the fall and school and the hecticness and wonderfulness about young life i hoping to get into a nice little groove. whatever that might look like.

ava started school a couple weeks ago. two days a week she heads to school where her favorite part of the day is...recess. shocker. after her first day when i went to pick her up i asked her teacher, "how did ava do?" to which she said, "good. we had a good day." this is where i sometimes can't help myself but i need to learn to help myself. i ask, "anything we can work on at home or any concerns." side note: i guess i ask stuff like this out of my own insecurities about ava and her behavior and blah blah blah..she is a reflection of me and i can't control her and she can be loud and yell and not listen and sometimes push and sharing is not her strongest gift. i guess i asked that because i assumed she maybe had done one or all of the things i just noted. her teacher said, "oh, she just needs to learn the routine and how she can't go first all the time. but it's fine she just needs to get into the rhythm of school." ok so not that bad. she didn't say anything hurtful or mean. she just shared more because i asked for more. i wanted some details. but this is where i need to just stop. she had a good day...okay moving right along. because i am ava's biggest fan i was quick to read into it and think...oh, man she didn't listen and wanted to be first, etc, etc. but here is the thing i kinda just wanted her teacher to say something like this..."oh, ava she is smart and friendly and a leader and knows what she wants." i guess i wanted that. but i realized that maybe i shouldn't ask questions to which this 1st day of school momma whose heart is sensitive wasn't able to handle. i want my girl to flourish and grow and have fun...and all of those things are happening. but i need to lay down my own pride and my own...this little peanut is a reflection of me and our parenting and when she is gone at school i really have no control of what she does or how she acts. but this is good and right and normal. whatever normal is.

my girl doesn't have it all together and thank goodness because neither do i. my hope for ava is that she is able to grow and be her own person and be creative and mess up and learn and say sorry and forgive others. it can seem complex but really it's not. i am thankful for the spirit the Lord has given ava and the way she loves people around her and we are working on her sharp tongue when she screams, "no." but i am proud of who she is becoming and that i get a front row seat.

classic and kinda sad recess story. on the way to school this week i asked her who she was going to play with today. (i ask ava about school on the ride home every time i pick her up and she has already forgotten what she did that day so we usually just wait for her to share about her day at random times when she is ready). anyways, she shared this. "i was at recess and wanted to play with "michelle" and she said her group was too big and that i couldn't play. so i told my teacher and she gave me a napkin because i had a tear." my heart broke. into a million little pieces. her group was full? seriously. who has "groups" in pre-school and that girl is crazy to not bring ava into her "group" because if i may say so myself...she's the life of the party in my humble opinion. but this is where having two parents comes in real nicely because to be honest i hurt for ava. i hate that she felt left out and her feelings were hurt. i know it is not that big of a deal and i did not get all dramatic about it...i just think i realized that this was the beginning. the beginning of what life outside of our the home and in the home can look like. girls can be mean. i know because i was one. insecure and selfish and so desperate to fit in and be accepted that how i treated people in the process tended to get shoved to the wayside. but justin came in and encouraged her to ask someone else to play and make sure no one on the playground was playing alone and to ask "michelle" if she wanted to play today. try again. we reminded her that now that she knew what it felt like to be left out and how her own heart will be aware of that and how we want to play with everyone. always kind. never exclusive. i want her to know that meanness is not how we roll. to teach her that life is too precious to be mean. we never know what people are walking through...even at 4 years old. what is happening at home and behind closed doors. since we don't always know the whole story or any of the story sometimes...let's be a family that is about people. loving them. asking questions. sharing what we have. for ava maybe that is her favorite dress up clothes and for us it's opening our home and sharing a meal with people. we want to be about others and have a heart that is looking outward. inward is okay. but we don't want to be too into ourselves. i am thankful that because our little girl is strong and sensitive she can live both out in different ways. i am scared and honored to walk alongside her as we both try and navigate through it all. thankfully we are not alone.

i think life and parenting is all about teachable moments. with our kids, spouses, friends, family. discovering how can we be a light to one another...everyday.

(next post. lyla update. but for now...that open mouth smile. it's too much).

1 comment:

  1. Oh pre-school can be so heartbreaking. We had a similar moment with my daughter recently. Her cousin is in the same class but was sick one day. I asked who she played with and she said "I played by myself." I felt so sad for her that maybe she only plays with her cousin normally and she was lonely without him. Tough on the mama heart :-) We also don't receive much feedback from the teacher. Our teacher said that unless there is an ongoing issue she doesn't let us know every time they wind up in time-out. She says to just "assume they are being three" and acting just like the other kids!


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