movement.

before i begin to write. i must confess i am feeling overwhelmed with everything i learned, experienced, and felt last week. i am still processing all that i heard. all that i lived. all that i shared. it was big for me. it is changing me. Jesus is in the business of change. of newness. of restoration. of desperation. i want to be a desperate women.

i like to grow. i am okay with change. maybe not at the time. but i know things change. seasons change. people change. hearts change. last week the Lord began a movement in my heart. one i have been bearing deep inside for a while now. i thought it was easy to ignore it. to push it deep down where no one could find it. especially me.

but...

i got found out. i am now exposed. i am okay with it.

i want to be in the business of change. the Lord is changing me and changing people around me. specifically those who do not know Jesus and have no chance for life. until someone steps in and shares with them the greatest love story of all time.

the gospel. in a few sentences. it is okay to share what is true. you need to. you have to. if Jesus changed you. if He brought you from dark to light and death to life...shouldn't we at least share that news with our neighbor.

the gospel: God sent His son to the earth. He sent Him to die so we could have life. He rose from the dead and is alive and wants a relationship with you. He wants to live inside you and change you. over and over and over He wants to provide forgiveness. truth. love. joy. LIFE and life to the full.

do you want that? you can have that. it is free. it is for everybody. it is for you. the sin. the shame. the guilt. the pain. He bore the burden on the cross so that you may now be free. free to live. really live.

choose Jesus. not because you should or you think it is a good idea or your grandma was a christian. but choose Jesus because He is the one thing. the only thing that satisfies. satisfies forever. who does not want that?

i have more inside me than i can even begin to share. so i wont push it. i will keep writing. i will keep sharing. all week. all month. all year.

i felt stuck. read it here. but now i am moving. moving towards what i am not totally sure. i know a few things. the Lord is in it. it is time to begin dealing with cancer and i am not afraid anymore to enter this place. the Lord will carry me like He carries me through everything. He knows that i a mom and a wife and a friend and a sister. that i have a life and responsibilities and obligations. 

i have never wept over cancer. like crazy on the floor crying so hard you think you might die. can't breath kind of tears. i thought i needed to be strong. for justin. for ava. for everyone. so i kept it together.

few of my thoughts:

i am angry. i am angry i even got cancer. 

i am thankful i am healthy.

i feel guilty that i lived and many do not.

everything surrounding cancer is hard to talk about it.  

on sunday as i was walking in the hotel lobby to get us coffee real quick and i stopped and spoke briefly with a couple who is on young life staff in virginia with us. he said...looking directly into my eyes. nearly my soul with all the confidence in the world..."libby, you are a walking miracle. never forget that."

i wont forget that. ever. i often times think...my cancer was not that bad. it could have been worse. i need to be thankful it was not worse. how can i even be angry if i am healed. my brain is my own worst enemy. feeding me lies all day.
but...i am becoming unstuck. i am ready to mourn. grieve. cry. rejoice. laugh. be angry. hit something maybe. i need to allow myself to feel. process what i have been pushing away deep down inside.

it needs to come out. i will be stuck forever it i don't.

so here's to Jesus, counseling, and movement.

the Lord wants to change you. move you. take you to places you never knew possible. He is God remember. He can do that. we just need to let go. to trust. to allow Him to reveal things that are ugly and painful and scary. 

i am ready. 

***while you are at let's pray for kristi. a young mom just like me in idaho who was in flordia last week. battling cancer. lots of cancer. there is not a lot of hope as the cancer has spread. with a husband and two little boys. she is not alone. please join me in praying for a miracle. for life. that her story, like mine, will be one of hope and healing and walking miracles.***

home.

i love going away. we need it sometimes. i crave it. the Lord filled us both. it was an incredible week. i have so much to share. it was like nothing i have been apart of. maybe ever. but our baby is sick. so sharing my heart will wait...

trying to keep it together.

so tomorrow i will no longer be a single momma. i will actually still be a momma just without her baby. i am heading to orlando to meet up with my husband. who i now know. for sure. so positively that i like life so much better with him in it. i think i knew that already but these past nine days confirmed it.

i am heading to the young life all staff conference in flordia. it only happens once ever four years so it should be good.

i am excited in theory about it. i know it will be fun but life has felt so unsettled lately. way to many lists. too many to do's. sweet friend's hanging with ava (we could not do it without you). a new job. scarves (love the order overload). i do not feel rested. not at all. i am looking forward to getting away and enjoying 80 degree days. but there is a twinge of guilt about ava. not that we are going to flordia exactly. i have not felt very present with her this past week. way to many days that were go...go...go. i realize this is just the way it happens sometimes. that is fine. but for tonight. for this moment i hate the anxiety i have inside and i wish i had a cleaning lady and someone to pack my bags. maybe in another life.

hopefully once i am finally packed. i give little ava a goodbye kiss and i am on the plane i can relax.

enjoy the week. i maybe back again this week or i might take the whole week off. we will see.

that face. i am in love.

beautiful people.

http://www.babaloud.com/2011/05/amazing-inspirational-quotes/amazing-inspirational-quotes-19/

that is some good stuff. i don't care who you are...that is good.

when i read it yesterday i could not stop thinking about it. as i read the beginning

about defeat, suffering, struggle, loss i thought of cancer. of july 2010. of justin. of ava. of our family. of our friends. of myself. of what was ahead and this scary unknown world of...cancer. i never wanna go back.

but i spent more time thinking about the rest of it. i know we struggled. a lot of people struggle. we all carry our own pain and loss. sometimes with the world like we choose to or sometimes alone. i hate that people walk through the valleys alone. but they do. maybe you do. but i could not stop thinking. literally could. not. stop. 

the part on appreciation, sensitivity, compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. 

is that who i am?

do i love deeply?

am i really that compassionate?

how gentle am i?

i think it is good to reflect. i think we need to stop or maybe not literally stop because i have not stopped in the past 72 hours. but mentally allow yourself to go there. to really think about your life. your heart. how you care for others. who you are. what you are about. where you have been. where you are going. what has made you...you.

where are you hurting?
what is your pain?

i so easily get engrossed in my own life. the whole...i am too busy thing.

please. we are busy. you are busy. everyone is busy. 

but you make time for what is important. i know that i fail everyday. i can not be all things to all people. that would be bad for them and for me. 

i do not have any answers or much wisdom on this to offer.

i simply had to share because i could not stop the way it is taking over my head and my heart. i desire that our pain. that cancer. wow i hate cancer. that it did not happen in vain...but me. my husband. our little girl..well..i will just say it...that we would come out of it as more beautiful people. because the grief and pain of cancer made us into different people. we are not the same. something like that is too big. it does to much to your heart to simply go back to way things were. what i do love is that in many ways our life has returned to normal. i am thankful for that. but who we are in our heart and in our gut...well beautiful people do not just happen. i believe our pain has brought us more beauty and joy than we ever knew before i got cancer.

the pain, sorrow, suffering, and loss we all experience is not wasted if our understanding of life and our heart and our compassion demonstrates that our pain...can also be our joy. i do not want to miss what the Lord is doing in me and in our family. about who we are. what we are about as a couple and what we are about as a family.

i want to be one of those people that elizabeth kubler ros wrote about.

do you?

i miss my other half.

i like my life better when my husband is home.

letters are from restoration hardware (6 years ago) 

the ampersand is from hobby lobby.

the inn and my hobby.

my husband hates surprises. he seriously gets a little mad about it. but me...i like surprises. i pretend like i don't...but i do and my husband is good at surprising me. he did real good on friday night. i had no idea about anything and when i did find out about it was friday afternoon and i thought we were going away saturday. then on friday at 7:30pm after yl leadership he said let's go home and pack a little bag because we are headed out of town. i of course did the obvious...

"what?...now? where? who is watching ava? what should i pack? i need to clean up the house if people are coming over to watch ava and the guest room is really messy..."

he of course did not answer any of my questions. so we packed a little bag. straightened up the house. perrin and trish came over and off we went. (thanks girls for loving ava so well).

it was dark and we drove through the mountains and 45 minutes later we arrived in the little town of Luray and stopped HERE.

we are not fancy people...clearly...but i did feel fancy when i saw that our room had a fireplace, robes, and a jacuzzi. i felt like "pretty women" except we're married. it was the best night. i had no idea it was happening. i love being with my husband. i love that we celebrate just to celebrate. thankful for another positive dr appointment. thankful for life & for my husband...who loves me so well. 

don't waste your chance to plan little surprises...big or small they go a long way.

 

* * *

making and selling scarves. i love it and so do these ladies.

nice picture angie.

congrats sweet friend.

if you would like to order your own cute little scarf for the winter

email me at libbyryderblog@gmail.com

this is just funny.

happy monday.

a little saturday special.

let's start the new year off right...with some great products, blog headers, and our little getaway.

***

Pip & Bean 
love them and they are back this month with some great capes.

We’ve always been struck by the importance of creative development and imaginative play for children. The quest to keep pace with our own children’s imagination led to a number of costumes and creative projects.  Whatever it took to unplug our kids from the TV and help them build a world of their own.   Eventually a birthday present for a daughter’s friend turned into a booth at a craft fair, and then an online shop.  Almost two years (and thousands of capes) later Pip & Bean sells custom superhero capes, costumes, masks…etc. all over the world.  Pip & Bean is an active supporter of “Inspiration Through Art” (www.inspirationthroughart.org) an awesome NPO that supports children with illnesses by helping them see their own inner super hero. 

Check out Pip & Bean at http://www.etsy.com/shop/pipandbean

***
Give Jewelry
thank you for those of you that have already begun supporting this amazing business
& even better cause.

 Give Jewelry is a sustainable movement to provide food for children of The Bali Orphanage. The vision is simple: “1 piece-1 child-1 week of food.” With every piece of jewelry purchased, Give Jewelry provides one week of nutritious food (that's 21 meals!) for a child in need. So whether you choose feather earrings, a necklace, or bracelet you're really choosing to make a difference.

Give Jewelry: The most affordable and effective way to make a difference in the life of a child.

Put “Libby” in the comment box at checkout and receive 5 free leather bracelets!
check out the site HERE. 

***
Shabby Apple.
love love love it all.

 i love shabby apple.

they help dress us all no matter what age or season of life. jewelry. babies, toddlers and maternity. check it out HERE. they are kicking off the New Year at Shabby Apple with a SALE!  how does 20% off site wide sound? the sale lasts through the entire month of January.  use code NEWYEAR at checkout for 20% off! www.shabbyapple.com.

  
*** 
Shaklee

keeping our house safe and clean.

I have begun using these products in our home over the past couple months and they are great. 
pure. clean. safe. i am loving it.

I’m Missy. I blog over at The Domesticated Diva. I’m here to share Shaklee with you! Shaklee has been around for over 50 years and is the number one natural nutrition company in the US. You may have heard about Shaklee’s awesome non-toxic cleaning products from the blogosphere, but we offer so much more! Here are a few things you can expect from Shaklee: Our products are always safe, always effective, and always green. We have products to help you maintain a healthy home, healthy body, and healthy weight. All of our supplements are truly top of the line and we have a great weight loss program (perfect for your New Year’s Resolution!) It’s been great meeting you all. Visit my Shaklee site to begin your journey to wellness! 

***
PomLove
kirsten over at PomLove is currently making some custom designed tissue poms for ava's nursery. 
i. can. not. wait. will post pictures when they arrive and are hung up.

PomLove sprouted in early 2008 by a crafty mom who was experimenting with handmade decorations for her 6 year-old's birthday party. It evolved into a business that same year - partially due to countless requests for poms from family and friends. PomLove is the original (that's right, the very first!) pom shop on Etsy, providing the biggest, fullest and most vibrant tissue paper poms, made from 100% recycled paper. With over 80 colors to choose from, and dozens of color combinations available, they are sure to brighten up any space - whether it's for your next party, or just to brighten up a room. Take a look at all of the eye-candy: www.PomLove.etsy.com - then use coupon code BLOG15 to get 15% off of your order with us. 

***

  thirsty hearts design.

every blog could use a little update. maybe a button. a new header. a custom signature or an entirely new look that represents you. angie is your girl.

check out these amazing blogs she did. HERE & HERE & HERE.

Here at thirsty hearts we believe that life is meant to be lived in transparency and authenticity.  Therefore let your blog be a reflection of you.  Each design is created with the finest detail in mind.  We're now offering design services for baby announcements and wedding!  please email angposton@gmail.com for more info.

***

now a little treat. 

our blog...in headers.

 

there was a lot of fear and heartache in that very first blog picture. sara took that of us just days after my diagnosis. but our joy has remained throughout. i love looking back. 

i love remembering where we have been and where we are going.

what picture is your favorite?

 ***

justin surprised me last night with a little getaway to celebrate life, each other, and our marriage. the inn is gorgeous. here is a sneak peek. more to come next week.