tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11920313136108651072024-03-13T11:14:29.772-07:00dontwasteyourcancerlibbyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13276192531203696999noreply@blogger.comBlogger465125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1192031313610865107.post-6577605661440652082016-09-07T08:23:00.001-07:002016-09-07T08:23:50.290-07:00first grade.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
ava.<br />
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so much of the words and the story being told in this place are for you and your sisters. when it started there was only you and i wrote it down so i wouldn't forget. it will be a gift to me one day when you read about how our story changed forever when you were just a little baby.<br />
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today you started first grade. you are there right now. you got early and dressed quickly and asked me to curl your hair. you look so beautiful today. we are so proud of you. we don't always see eye to eye and getting on the same page can be complicated. but my love for you runs deep. my forgiveness is endless. i care more about your heart, your kindness, empathy, joy, and loving your classmates than i do about anything else. i know you are going to do fine. your dad and i are confident about that. you are strong and determined. but don't let the grades, the spelling words, or reading get the better of you. i know your a little nervous because reading isn't your favorite thing. but so much of your education for us is revolved around showing kindness, being a friend, and respecting those around you. i will remind you of all this at bedtime tonight. i told you yesterday in the car after meeting your new teacher...but i will probably obnoxiously tell you over and over. be patient with me. i am not that good at a lot of things as your mom. but hopefully you see the good outweighs the not as good. i am very aware of my own shortcomings. i hope i am aware than you even are...but your very observant so it probably wont get lost on you. i am working daily to focus more on who you are and your character less about behavior and trying to manage it. releasing the pressure to be "good." i don't want you to perform. i want you to be you. make mistakes. try again. work towards a life that exudes deep love for other people. friendships, joy, creating, having fun, and serving people around you because Jesus served first. before anything else. lets both be me more like that. you want to?<br />
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we believe in you. you were created for some many things. specific to you. only ava can be ava. rest in that. no pressure. but learning to confidently live into the girl and someday the woman who God created you to be.<br />
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how special is that!? you don't have to be or look like or act like anyone else. i hope you believe this for yourself so hard. i don't always do this well. i fight the lies daily. on the hour that i am not enough. but i want more freedom for me and for you each and everyday. lets do this together...my sweet little girl.<br />
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since cancer i experience other peoples stories of suffering so much deeper. the tears and the lump in my throat stay very close to the surface. i am intrigued and seek out hearing how others walked through pain and the fear and the unknown. i am forever thankful for the awareness it has given me for others around me.<br />
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i was listening to a podcast recently and the woman speaking suffered an awful stoke that left her paralyzed. when she woke up after a couple months in a coma she said to her dr...<i>i am not supposed to be here. i should have died</i> to which the dr replied...<i>no, no if you were supposed to die you would have died. but you didn't. so don't waste this precious life." </i>she went to say that those words are what have fueled her heart, her recovery her family, her progress, book writing, and sharing her story throughout the world.<br />
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when we walk through something that maybe we weren't "supposed" to make it out of...i hope we grab a hold to the life and purpose that God has for us. to use our story to tell others about the greatest gift on earth. that isn't found in stuff. but forgiveness and life in Christ. an endless path of grace and joy in eternity. we are not our own. but we are His.<br />
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lets share our stories with one another. our pain. our joy. our fears. our truth. the real nitty gritty stuff. that makes life embarrassing at times. marriages falling apart. troubled kids. depression. fear. deep insecurities. you name it. lets share it. because in that we find that we are not alone. not even a little.<br />
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i do not in anyway shape or form have it all together. i hide inside myself. i struggle with an inner dialogue that tells me...do enough today to be worthy of being a mother and a wife. you stay at home so make sure dinner is made. house is clean. laundry is done. and you better do "enough" to be worthy. it's so annoying to be stuck in those lies. what if we could just live our life oppose to battling internally about whether we are valuable enough. i hate the word <i>enough. </i>it literally plagues me. usually just on the inside. its this conversation within me...do more, relax, do more, relax and just be, do more, and sometimes...if i give it space a still small voice whispers..."stop. you are enough libby. because of Who i am and because i made you." i want to stand firmly on that so badly i can sometimes taste it. or i can tell the woman around me that i love the most...you are enough. you are enough. you are believing lies that you were never meant to. why is it so much easier to share with others than believe for ourselves?<br />
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our culture is obsessed with what we do and how much we make. i might be obsessed with that myself. or i've been trained too...either way its never how it was meant to be.<br />
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so my little first grader as you go out into the world today without me or your dad or you sisters...rest in the truth that i am fighting behind the scenes and sometimes in front of you to be a mom that is honest. forgiving. loving. and truthful with the battle inside of her. you may feel the same things as me...we just haven't been able to express it to one another yet. but i want more for you and your sisters. i hope i can go before you and be an example of a mom that is choosing Jesus and grace and love everyday. even though some today i wake up irritated with you...for no reason at all. i am sorry about that. i promise to ask for forgiveness every chance i get. let's be a group of girls who love fiercely, intentional, and stakes our life in Christ...not in this world.<br />
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your teachers and classmates are lucky to have you. let's love them back.<br />
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you're a great friend and a better daughter...even though it can sometimes feel like we don't always get each other. i am committed to working towards knowing you and loving you in the way you need to be loved and cared for...thank you for being patient with me. i desire to laugh more and smile each time we catch eyes.<br />
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all my love. forever.<br />
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libbyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13276192531203696999noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1192031313610865107.post-37538797565639074832016-02-17T09:05:00.003-08:002016-02-17T09:05:56.945-08:00trajectory shifts.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This week my family and friends celebrate 5 years of my body being healed from cancer. It has been a huge month of reflection on that season and where we have come and where we are going. I have been using the word </span><span style="font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">joy </span><span style="font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">as I share our story and give a glimpse into that season of our lives.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I was laying in bed last night thinking about how odd that must sound when so much of the language around cancer and suffering fails to mention joy. I get that. Chemotherapy was awful. Losing my long brown hair was incredibly devastating to me. I was 25 years old with a new little baby girl and a young marriage. But you know what? In the midst of the pain, heartache, fear, and what ifs...I really did find myself.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> I can only assume based on my experiences that is it in the trials and the risks and the unknowns that we find out how deep we can go. that the Lord will in fact carry us through anything. even if we don't "feel" Him or "see" Him...we are never alone in our desperation. especially if our desperate pleas aren't about what we want or what we think is best or where we want go. but we are actually capable of far more than we ever dreamt or imagined when you have nothing to lose...or even if you have everything to lose. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">That the Lord of the Universe...if we confess Him as our Savior and trust Him with everything...than of course we have the opportunity to experience joy in the depth of our souls. He promised us that. He never said...“if” we suffer but instead “when” we suffer. Therefore He knows that in our pain and the unknowns we would be given a chance to fully trust Him with our life and our story. Now I mean really trust. Not just saying it like nice little Christians might say but instead...in life or in death I belong to Jesus Christ. Therefore His purpose for me is the BEST despite my plans or vision for the future. And maybe...just maybe it suddenly becomes far greater than we could have ever even dreamt. That isn’t easy. Not much about handing your life to God is easy. But it is good. It is so good. In cancer I was able to experience the Lord in a new way. the cliches were gone and the whole...this isn’t my plan was thrown out the window. Thus, cancer was the means to leading me to a place of wholehearted, no questions asked, I am ALL in for the rest of life. In laying down of my plans and purpose and life I found the deep comfort and peace that can only come the creator who made ME. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I shared my life story (4 minutes worth) with my bible study and I realized my adult/college life has been broken up into two major areas that had they not happened very little about the life i am living now would even exist. One was the summer I spent at a Young Life camp and where I met my husband and the other was cancer. Two giant life trajectory shifts. Do you see any shifts in your life?Where do you see it? Are you in it now? </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The intimacy with the Lord and how He showed His love to my family so tangibly I decided that I would never turn back. Never turning back doesn’t mean easy. I actually think for me it has been harder. Several moves to new cities and states and new friendships and crippled by my own fear and insecurities. It’s a daily choice to trust Him in the midst of confusion and the honest desire that things would some days look different. Live closer to family, closer to my dearest friends, a real clear vision for life with all the steps laid out neatly for me. But that isn’t how it works. That isn’t trust. So in my doubt and fear I will continuously come back to my illness and how the Lord used the most scary time in my life to bring me to Himself. In that place He provided hope and joy and peace in my heart, my marriage, the relationships around me, and loving my daughter in a far deeper way. It really is all a gift. We are not guaranteed anything. Health, money, career, marriage, love, etc. But and this is a huge but...God loves you and is for you and wants you. All of you. Will you choose Jesus? No matter where you find yourself today. Is He all you want? I would never trade coming to the end of myself for anything because it brought me to a place of realizing my own inability to do ANYTHING outside of His grace and love...including laundry.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Fight for joy. I am not that good at it. I am often lazy and seclude myself despite desiring friendships. I want all of this. I believe everything i just wrote. I want it for you. I would tell you all this if we were on my couch talking. I swear. But i am telling myself these same truths everyday. Often several times throughout the day because I often hear the louder voice that says...you are fat (that one is so funny because I am pregnant but the lies are real), not worthy, not good enough, can't do it, purposeless, without value because I don't have a "cool" career. And the sickening part is this is two days after reading letters from some of the people I hold dearest in how I have not wasted cancer or my life. (it deserves its own post on the epic book my husband and friend annika created for me to celebrate 5 years of healing).</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 14.6667px; white-space: pre-wrap;">No one is doing this perfectly. No one has it all together. Even the really wise authors who write books and speak and share Jesus. We are all in the same boat. Each hour of each day choosing real, deep, life altering joy because we were made for so much more than this. Ask for it. Tell the Lord what you want. The secret desires, dreams, passions. He knows your heart anyways. Life the life you have always been meant to live.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 14.6667px; white-space: pre-wrap;">I am about to fold laundry. it isn't glamorous or cool but it's essential to our families presentation to the world. much of our life may feel way more consumed by that type of stuff...so if that is true for you because you aren't a kardashian who i am assuming have a team of "people" do it all for them. i want to encourage you that you aren't alone. each season of life brings different tasks and responsibilities that seem mundane. but what if...what if these are THE days. like you are actually living your life...today. of course parts of it are annoying and we don't want to do it. i get that. but i think we have more to be grateful for and praise the Lord for than we take the time to recognize. and if you don't believe me. that's alright. maybe find a friend or someone you love and trust to speak into your life the truths about yourself, your purpose, and your heart. because today it is too hard to do it on your own. i get that. none of this is for the faint of heart. this is for truth seekers and life livers. we want more. more of what the Lord graciously desires to cover us with each hour of each day forever. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 14.6667px; white-space: pre-wrap;">and to conclude...i do watch the kardashians. you can judge me. i can handle it. i am also not naive to the fact that even the most seemingly glamorous lives aren't weighted down by self-doubt, fear, and insecurities...amongst many more. don't believe our cultures lies. we are just people trying to find a way. thankfully i know that in Jesus i already found THE way and it is stepping into that daily. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 14.6667px; white-space: pre-wrap;">let's walk in it together. forever.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 14.6667px; white-space: pre-wrap;">***parts of this post are being shared on the website <b><a href="http://www.mybigjesus.com/">mybigjesus</a>. </b>please check it out and read more from other encouraging writers.</span></span></div>
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libbyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13276192531203696999noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1192031313610865107.post-53984794836023219332016-02-08T06:59:00.000-08:002016-02-08T06:59:28.754-08:00this day 5 years ago.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
when we are walking through something it is impossible to see beyond that day or that hour. so we endure and we live and we pray and we trust. we trust without knowing exactly what is ahead or what will come of our lives or our stories...it is in those times that we may choose moments of despair, fear, right alongside a desire to find a purpose and life and Jesus's goodness. despite the outcome my desire is to cling to His truth...<br />
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as i reflect on where we found ourselves 5 years ago today i can not help but weep as i watched the video justin made on the eve of my last and final chemo treatment. ava learning to walk, my wisps of hair hidden under a hat, and a husband who not for one second didn't walk alongside me in the depths of cancer. we look like little babies back then. i am thankful for healing. but more than that i am indebted to a Savior that allowed cancer to bring me to my knees. it's real easy to say we trust God when things are rolling just fine...but what about they aren't? i will always be grateful beyond words for how the Lord used our suffering in cancer to demonstrated the depth of his love for me. cancer will remain as one of the major life altering events that had it not happened...i would love to think my passion and trust and love for the Lord would be the same as it is today...but i will never know and i don't really care. I am madly in love with a Father who will use any means possible to bring me to Himself. our purpose isn't about our job or our marriage or money or stuff. although those things are nice. but that is all but a moment compared to eternity with a God that would do <i>ANYTHING</i> to spend eternity with you and with me. that is crazy. that is an invitation. take it. nothing else will fulfill you or give you life. i promise. not even a million dollars. even though a million dollars would be nice.<br />
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i have thought of this verse all morning as i prepare to share our story with my bible study tomorrow morning. i love the timing of it all. sharing on the exact day of last chemotherapy and sharing what the Lord is continuing to do in me five years later.<br />
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2 corinthians 16-18. i would encourage you as you read this verse which you have maybe read or heard a hundred times to ask the Lord to allow His words to deeply imbed themselves in your heart today.<br />
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"So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light and momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal."</div>
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wherever you find yourself today hold His truth close to your thoughts & your heart. He is with you.</div>
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from justin. 2.8.11</div>
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Dear Libby,<br />
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I cannot remember all the chemos individually. I can just remember seeing you suffer and sleep and I hated them more and more each time. I remember taking pictures to send to family and friends and you smiled in the beginning every time! The smile gradually faded, but your faith did not. I am so thankful that you BELIEVE, really believe, that the Lord's good hand has been apparent in this from the beginning. Because of that I am so thankful for you as my wife, our friends and family who prayed through this -- I will not think back to those times and hate them. I will never forget what this has taught us.<br />
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I am so proud of you babe! Whether today or tomorrow, you have endured. Having been carried along by the prayers of many, you have made it through. Seriously, all Glory to God for this day! I am so excited to spend it with you. Today, and thank you Lord, the rest of our lives.<br />
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It is a true gift, and I will not waste one second of it. I love you.<br />
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J<br />
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check out our video below. just press the words below.</div>
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<a href="http://vimeo.com/19735616"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">We never wanted to forget last night, so I interviewed Libby</span></a></div>
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libbyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13276192531203696999noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1192031313610865107.post-21104273743510545582016-02-01T17:14:00.005-08:002016-02-02T13:28:15.548-08:00not alone. not even a little bit.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
thank you. last week i was welcomed back with such love and affirmation and encouragement from you. my friends. most i've never met but i consider you my friends because i know what its like to share in someones story and words and feel like i know them. i would hope based on what i write and share that you would get the best and most real version of myself. thank you for making that safe. thank you for the feedback and comments. but they were so much more. many of you shared your heart and your struggle to find purpose and life in the midst of the various places and seasons we find ourselves. grateful for each and everyone of you.<br />
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i read this on instagram this morning.<br />
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"one of the most important things you can do on this earth is let people know they are not alone" shannon l. adler.<br />
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i love that. i love that for timing. in just the past 7 days experienced friend after friend echo...<i>you are not alone. </i>what a joy to experience community even while being states and cities away. what a relief i feel in my heavy heart when i hear woman i love and respect so deeply say...<br />
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me too.<br />
i feel that way sometimes.<br />
i wish i had courage.<br />
i am scared to take a risk.<br />
i have this dream but it will never happen.<br />
i want to do or say or write or create xyz but i don't even know where to begin.<br />
i don't feel good enough.<br />
i think i was created for more but what does that even mean or look like.<br />
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i think when we open ourselves up to other people and share exactly what keeps us up at night and what we toil with throughout the day...we begin the process of unpacking what our dreams, passions, fears, and obstacles even are and how often we allow our fear to paralyze us. because when we share it and say it out loud and give it some validity it creates a space for people around us to say...<br />
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you can do it. you are believing lies. don't let fear keep you there. i think you are stuck...do you want to get unstuck. i love you. you are valued. your dreams matter. let's do this together. how can i pray you. lets pray against those lies. lets look to see what Jesus says is true about you.<br />
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today i went to the doctor for 3 hours because i failed my glucose test. it is a test you take when you are pregnant that detects gestational diabetes. i will find out this week if i passed this second round. while i was there i reading and came across this in isaiah (i am studying isaiah in a weekly bible study i am apart of so i find myself there often).<br />
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isaiah 43:1-3<br />
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"But now thus says the Lord, "he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: "Fear not, for I have redeemed you: I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall now overwhelm you; when you walk through the fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior."<br />
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the creator of the universe is providing us with <i>his truth, his words...that we are his.</i> whatever we walk through...no matter how wavering, deep, and scary...nothing can overwhelm us or consume us because the Lord has us. all of us. each dream. each fear. each lie. each joy. each trial. each broken heart. he holds us and deeply cares about each of our hearts. what a gift and treasure. one i so quickly forget. my desire is to stand firm on his truth has i lay down the lies and the fears. my hope is that you will also lay in bed at night and hold those lies captives (thank you laura wright) and hand them right back to the God that gave us the ability to think and dream and have a heart with such depth. but he didn't give us the lies. we sit there on our own as sinful and broken people. thankful for the endless grace and forgiveness our God that wants us to start new each and every day. praise the Lord for that.<br />
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before i get the girls to bed i have to share this.<br />
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since last week. unrelated to the blog because i don't think the people that called me here in NJ to hang out even know this blog exists. but either way i saw the Lord move in a very tangible way since i shared last week. people asked me to hang out and we hung out and it was fun. i am thankful for them and how the Lord answered a very real prayer for me last week. i had to share because i don't want us to miss the many times...big and small that the Lord answers our prayers. let's not miss that and move on to the next thing. ok? want to try that together.<br />
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my heart has felt more alive and purposeful than it has in a while. mainly because of this space. because of you. for texting, calling, emailing, commenting and engaging with me about your own fears, your heart, your own trials, the lies you find yourself paralyzed by...i am so grateful that grateful doesn't even do it justice. my heart is a little more full and a little more alive. this place has always provided that for me and i guess i forgot what a joy and passion it is to connect with people. we are not alone...never alone...in it with you forever. let's just keep reminding one another of that truth.<br />
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would love to hear from you. your heart. email me @libbyryderblog@gmail.com<br />
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libbyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13276192531203696999noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1192031313610865107.post-44984929751019936632016-01-25T16:02:00.000-08:002016-01-25T16:02:01.596-08:0012 months later<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
its been almost 365 days since i have opened blogger on my computer. that didn't happen intentionally. i didn't decide one day to just stop writing. i just gradually stopped writing. i made excuses. lots of excuses. some may have even been super valid. either way i am finding myself back on this page. trying to ignore the lies and stop allowing fear to win. since moving to nj i have day by day begun to only listen to one voice. the one in my head that is mostly lying to me.<br />
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you have nothing to say.<br />
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your story doesn't matter.<br />
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people don't even care. they stopped reading once cancer was over.<br />
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you aren't learning anything...why force it.<br />
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you have no friends. no one likes you. what is purpose other than "just" being a mom.<br />
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lie after lie after. but the thing about lies is that if we allow them to settle inside us...they make a home in our heart and our head and it they aren't lies anymore...they are our truth. before we know it we aren't even sure how we got from back there to over here to right now.<br />
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but i am making my way back to what i know is true. i never stopped believing that jesus loved me, i was enough, heck i am more than enough because the creator of the universe made me.<br />
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be back. children yelling.<br />
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i wasn't thriving. i wasn't choosing joy. i was settling for comfort. stuck. new place. new home. not many friends or fellowship. trying to rally. it just felt forced. i felt insecure. not sure of who i was. it sort of felt like i was in middle school. just trying to find myself and make a way in a new place.<br />
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now like most seasons of life it wasn't all hard. all the time. i wanted to add that.<br />
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but as i reflect and look back and see a girl i do not want to return to...i am holding tightly to the friends who in the past weeks have spoke truth. encouraged me. loved me. allowed me to be me. in those moments i felt more alive than i have in a while. so here i am. pregnant. praise the lord for this precious baby girl. that i am walking into a new season as a woman. than a wife, mother, and new mom to this new tiny life. it all seems fitting. as i am making my way out the lord is bringing a new life into our family and into our hearts. i am grateful for the timing. 4 more months for this baby to grow and for me to begin...every day, every hour to choose jesus and what he thinks about me and my life and my purpose and in that...choosing joy.<br />
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my prayer is that the Lord will make a way (isaiah 43). i am not sure what that looks like or even really means. i don't think it matters. i am convinced life is far more about the day to day than the big picture. so for today i am moving towards truth and leaving each little lie at the door and believing that the Lord will make a way for me in this new season and new place.<br />
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i want to come alive here. to thrive where i am. maybe even bloom where i am planted. but what if you don't love where your planted? can you still bloom? does that even matter? what do you think? seriously what do you think. leave a comment or email me. libbyryderblog@gmail.com. i am dying to know if i am alone in this or if anyone out there is struggling to find passion and purpose and life...in the midst of the mess of our head and our hearts and lies we believe.<br />
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i am peeling back the layers of my heart and exposing what i have been keeping bottled up inside.<br />
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thanks for making this a safe place for me to do that.<br />
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more to come.<br />
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libbyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13276192531203696999noreply@blogger.com20tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1192031313610865107.post-17371658931360187992015-02-02T11:21:00.000-08:002015-02-02T11:21:19.745-08:00moving forward. it feels good.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
last night our house was filled with 15-20 rutgers university students. if you are new to this space here is a quick recap. my husband has been on staff with Young Life for 8 years and we recently made our third move with YL to new brunswick nj. we are helping to start YL at rutgers university and the surrounding high schools and middle schools in the area and eventually the whole state. we moved from a place we loved. harrisonburg, va. left many people we loved and a new home and a life that felt so good in so many ways. i miss it everyday. but the lord made a way for us here and we moved this past august. <div>
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bc of hard work, prayer, courage, and the lord our home was filled with rutgers students we love. the only common denominator is jesus. 5 months ago we didn't know a student on campus. i still don't really. my husband and our dear friend morgan have paved the way. meetings, coffee, events, conversations, prayer and the lord...we now have 20 plus college students going through the YL leader training program to begin ministry with students in our area. </div>
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since the beginning of all this i have been on board. not just a little bit but all in. selling our home, most of our stuff, saying goodbye to people i love, and starting our adventure in nj. no friends or family near us. but the lord made a way. he always does and he always will. but my heart. my heart hasn't been all in. i desperately wanted it to be. but i felt a separation between what justin was doing actively on campus and what i was doing at home. i am not currently serving in a specific roll with YL i didn't really know any of the people justin was meeting and what he shared never seemed to be the same secondhand. </div>
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but i am watching my heart grow. my desires to invest in people and care for them and build new relationships. i think i needed this past semester to grieve a little. miss the people we left that had become family and cared for our girls and cared for me. it was really hard to leave. </div>
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i couldn't or i didn't allow myself to be all in here. i needed some space. some time. i felt insecure and intimidated around people. it is hard to be uncomfortable in our skin. but haven't we all been there? i was fragile at times. </div>
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i wanted to open our home. i wanted friends. i wanted to be brave. but instead i hid a little bit. i spent time decorating our new place. being more present with the girls. worked on our marriage and basically got to know a new city. how to get to target and costco and ikea. my time and energy was spent simply adapting to this new place. i am not beating myself up. it was what it was and now we move forward and reflect a bit.</div>
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but i am seeing growth. a desire to be bold. to take risks. to be uncomfortable. to ask questions. to invite people in. to share our home. to feed people. to love others. like in a real way. not just a "supposed" to kind of way. i think i was a little selfish. i was focusing a lot on me and often thinking...what about us? doesn't anyone care that we are new and starting over? but to be honest for the most part i was ok with it. more time with my husband as his work pace looked so different since this is more of a start up phase to his job. our family grew. our marriage grew. so it wasn't a waste. i know that. none of it ever is when we use it to grow and learn.</div>
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thankful for what is to come and for a home full of people who are willing to take a risk for jesus through the ministry of YL. i like to host. i like to feed people. even if it is in the form of lots of costco food where i can basically just use my oven to heat it up. but it doesn't matter. our home was full of laughter and knee football and joy and christ and fellowship and community. we all want to be apart of something. so i am in. i will begin to believe what the lord says is true. i am brave and i am ready and i am also scared and a little uncomfortable. praying for vision and bravery in my life and yours too. what a difference we will make if we start being honest and real and trusting the lord in every tiny little way. he is good. so good. trying to be grateful for all it. mostly the tough stuff.</div>
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libbyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13276192531203696999noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1192031313610865107.post-91160425196297612032015-02-01T12:59:00.001-08:002015-02-01T12:59:49.497-08:00oceans.I am back. More tomorrow. I swear. My heart is stirring and overflowing. I started exercising this fall and it's changing me. Watching my body do things I never thought it could. I felt so strong Friday as I was running and listening to oceans by hillsong. I was actually crying pretty hard while mouthing the words. I wasn't embarrassed bc maybe people thought it was just a lot of sweat on my face. Either way I am feeling alive and grateful and passionate. I haven't felt that a lot this fall but The Lord is working in me. I can feel it and I love it. Listening to oceans on repeat has been this continuous reminder about what is true. About Jesus and me and what he wants for me and what he has more me and that in my trust of him and the story he has for me...well it's hard and big and small and scary and awesome. I want more Jesus in my life and my actions and my heart. I am not that good at it. But I will never stop fighting to give every ounce of my fears and insecurities and frustratation and jealousy and judgement at the foot of the cross. It's all we have. It's all I want (and some new trendy boots i just saw online).<div><br></div><div>when I was sick people came out of now where and showered us with the most love I have known. Tomorrow a woman I don't know with a little baby like Ava starts her first round of chemo. Pray for jenna. May she feel clothed in prayer and comfort as she begins her cancer journey. Our journey was doable because of you. So thank you. </div>libbyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13276192531203696999noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1192031313610865107.post-16791358057511747572014-10-30T16:12:00.002-07:002014-10-30T16:12:59.162-07:00the crossing guard made me cry.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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so a few weeks ago i cried in the car-pool line. it isn't actually a line. it is almost funny how it difficult the simple task of picking up your child from school seems to be. due to lack of parking spots, one-way streets, and my inability to be on time. if you aren't at the door at 2:55pm she is in the office by 2:58pm crying because she was forgotten. it only has happened once. we all survived.<span class="s1"></span></div>
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<span class="s1">it was a rainy afternoon and the girls and i were headed to NY to spend the weekend at a young life camp called lake champion. i was a tiny bit rushed to pack the car and wake lyles from her nap and get to school on time to get aves and get on the road before the traffic got bad. the traffic in NJ is almost always bad but i was trying to avoid awful. so i am on my way to get her and the van in front of me stopped because it wasn't sure where to go for pick-up so as she was talking to the lady at the cross walk i sort of decided to go around her on the left side in an attempt to cross the street before i was going to be late. instead i got yelled it...she asked me to back up...what was i doing...not sure how they drive in VA (i still had va plates) but in NJ we don't do that. kind of a lie as drivers are crazy here but whatever. then another mom on the side of the road yells..."welcome to NJ get used to it." i am not entirely sure what that meant. was that nice...like welcome we love you so glad you are here or little harsher like...pull it together momma this is NJ and you need a thicker skin. i think it’s latter but i wanna give people the benefit of the doubt. so the crossing guard and i have an exchange. not heated but i wasn't super kind either. finally i am on my way (late) and the tears start coming. i pull it together to grab ava and get her in the van.</span></div>
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<span class="s1">why are you crying libby? over and over i say this to myself. what is wrong with you? toughen up. this isn't VA and no one is against you and also no one really cares that you just moved here either...so pull it together.</span></div>
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<span class="s1">i wanted to scream...hello people. cut me some slack. i just moved. i need a second. left people i love. a house, friends, and nice little town. please someone give me a prize for being strong and selling stuff and moving for Jesus. please. anyone? anyone? </span></div>
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<span class="s1">in my tears and anger i decide the best thing to do is to pull ava out of this school and send her somewhere with adequate parking and kind crossing guards. that will fix it. maybe a nice little christian school...not this big bad public school.</span></div>
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<span class="s1">so i call my people. i call a few women in my life who know when i need truth. not...oh, poor libby you got yelled at? oh, so sad for you. your life is so hard. i love you and you are awesome. sometimes you need that. of course we need that. find those people and hold on to them. they are a treasure. encouragement from people we love is so key. but not this time. this time i needed some truth and some perspective. </span></div>
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<span class="s1">i love when you dial those people and they don't pick up and you get pissed because they should know you need them like right now. but then one does. she listens. she is caring. she loves me. but then she points me to jesus and truth and what this is really about. it has far less to do with school and a crossing guard. but much more to do with myself and my heart and feeling alone. not like alone alone. just a little like....i want to scream to everyone...<i>please be nice. i just moved. this isn't easy. go easy on me. </i></span></div>
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<span class="s1">the thing i have learned in these short two months is that no one really cares. (clarification. people care. my close people care. they call, text, email, visit, they love me. i know this. so thankful. truly). but the big bad world...well they do not really care. not in a bad way necessarily. just in a matter of fact kind of way. everyone has stuff going on. everyone is walking in something. in the midst of it or just got through it or man can't seem to move past it. we are all working through something. that is life. that is our nature and it is normal and real.</span></div>
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<span class="s1">i require perspective a lot. i need to get outside of myself and my own head and my own woes sometimes. not in a way that is like...pull it together, be tough, you be strong, come on you can do it. i think its both and all of it and everything in between. i believe the fact that i cry easily is because i feel deeply about things and people and life. i am thankful that sometimes i am fragile and emotional and not very strong. i want that. i am ok with wounded and broken. my intimacy with the Lord has grown the most in the midst of suffering. not all the time. but as i reflect i see my own heart and perspective on life, my calling, and my passions seem to be shaped in my brokenness.</span></div>
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<span class="s1">also i am prideful. i sometimes want a prize or some recognition. you see me? you see my family? we take risks. we leave what is safe, comfortable, and what we know. and we go. we leave it all. for Jesus? yes of course. but what if i have missed it and it is sometimes about being noticed and receiving praise. that is embarrassing to admit to you. but it is true. it is what i feel inside and some days i sit in it and get lost there. </span></div>
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<span class="s1">but.</span></div>
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<span class="s1">i choose to get out. to see what else is going on here. what in all this is about my sin? my pride? my selfishness? my comfort? my desire to want the world to fill me? praise me? care about me? i think it is normal and human to feel and have these emotions and feelings. who wants to be a robot? i want to feel things deeply and passionately. even if in those places i get lost and see things about myself, admit to things about myself that are hard and ugly and gross.</span></div>
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<span class="s1">i am learning that when it comes to this stuff. this move. the crossing guard. being uncomfortable. first impression after first impression and the game i play in my head afterwards...was that nice? did i ask her enough questions? wait did i sound rude? did i talk about myself too much? it is exhausting. starting over is exhausting. i am tired. i want deep and authentic friends here and that takes time. but more than that i want a deep and authentic life and i think it happens in seasons and months and years. but i do not want to miss the moments and hours and days either. they are rich too. when the tears and loneliness come and i get lost in my own head and begin down that slippery self-loathing slope. i want to feel those feelings. express them. cuss about it. cry about it. share it. hand it over to Jesus and yell out loud..."does anyone care?" does anyone care that this isn't easy and you know what? thank goodness HE does care. He cares deeply about my heart and my tears and my fears and my pride. and that my friends is<b> enough</b>. i may not always believe it or live it out. but man in my core i believe it with every ounce of my being. i pray it is more than enough for all of us. because people will fail and they will miss it and wont ask how we are doing or maybe they can’t ask. maybe there own pain and hurt is too deep. but it makes me more and more thankful for a God who has a capacity that is never ending. </span></div>
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<span class="s1">all these thoughts and feelings i have written down are not able to be tied up in a nice little bow. i can't reconcile it all or make it all come together. because i think we need to feel. feel the hurt and pain and sadness and joy and frustration and gratitude. but alongside all of that is learning how to climb out of it. maybe it is slow. for me i got the feelings thing down. i can feel. i feel a lot of things. but i do not want to be defined by a feeling that is very real and has merit and deserves recognition and attention to be all that i am about. the world is not about me and my family and our moves and our starting overs and the exhaustion that comes with the newness of it all. that is a part of it. but a far grander part is that we are all living a story that the Lord is writing. </span></div>
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<span class="s1">but i don't want to be stuck in my own stuff forever. it is the tension of...<i>this is about me and also this really isn't about me.</i> can we have both? i think we must. who we are and what we are about is very real and very personal but i also desire a life that looks outside of myself. learning to love people deeply because Jesus did. i want to be about things that matter. eternal stuff. big stuff. i think this one life it is all about bringing them both together. i want it all. i think you can have it all. if your ALL is in Jesus. He wants to give us every ounce of Himself to better understand ourselves.</span></div>
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<span class="s1">what a God we serve. i will take it. the hard the ugly the being yelled at...when it is about stretching and growing my heart for Jesus and who is creating me to be. forever and ever. </span></div>
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libbyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13276192531203696999noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1192031313610865107.post-67748257228642308462014-09-05T16:26:00.002-07:002014-09-05T16:26:24.828-07:00airy.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
when i talk to friends i keep describing our place as "airy." not even sure what that means. but i guess to me it means open, white, uncluttered, simple, a little tidy (some days). it is also higher in the sky because we are on the 8th floor so i do feel a bit like we are in the air being as we are above the trees. we lost the place i instagrammed above chipotle so we are in an older peoples home and i love it. i promise to take some pictures as it comes together.<br />
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in this "airy" place i am finding that our life. at least mine. my husband is starting a lot of new things and meeting people and making connections and doing a lot of detail type work. just imagine all the things...the big and little that come with a "start-up" of any type of business or work or ministry. so he has full days. but they look different. for now our nights are a bit more open. we are accustom to many at least 3-5 nights a week where he or i would have commitments. so this change of pace...at least for me is a treasure. a little gift. as things begin to grow (the lord willing) i know our schedule will change again and it may look more like the past 7 years that we have grown to know and love. but for now. for this little change of season i am welcoming it with open arms. making dinner. eating as a family. taking turns putting the girls to bed, spending time together alone at night...just us.<br />
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back to my heart. this time and this new place has felt surprisingly not as lonely as i feared it would be. starting over is never easy. i know that. but for now it doesn't feel hard or scary. it feels right and ok. spending intentional time with the girls during the day. taking walks. running errands. going to the gym (i have started working out regularly for the first time in nearly 8 years). watch out. discovering our new home, finding parks, checking out the library, farmers markets, and lots of target runs. it feels nice. it feels slower...because it is slower. but with a lot more traffic.<br />
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monday ava will start school. that will give our life and schedule a little more structure and a welcomed routine. but mostly i am just thankful. thankful that this...this big, fat, scary, i didn't really want to move...this whole "thing" well it is going well. we are adjusting and i feel content. slowing down, less busy, and hectic than i have been in years. i think our family needed this. i just didn't realize how badly.<br />
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our apt is smaller than our house. we sold a lot of things and the simplicity...not that it is that simple...i have made several ikea and target runs. but still it is less stuff, with less going on. and for me, for now a little less going on. it certainly will not last forever but it is a cherished gift. it is teaching me a lot about how i have lived my life in the past and where i want to go next and what the Lord has for me in the midst of it all. every season of life holds growth and truth. i learning about where i have found my worth in the past and how much of my identity i find in the magnitude of what i have going on and how busy i am and how needed i am. right now in nj not many people even know i live here or even care. so it has basically been about our family and i like that. but also ready to see where the Lord opens doors and where new friendships will begin to grow. i am certain nj has some good mamas i just need to meet them.<br />
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my writing view because i like to see where people live. </div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">again i will not be posting many pictures on the blog so instagram @libbyryder is the best place follow along with us.</span></div>
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libbyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13276192531203696999noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1192031313610865107.post-28519059803676716092014-08-29T05:50:00.000-07:002014-08-29T05:59:30.449-07:00where we've been.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
this is for my friend ashley. who we lived with almost all summer and did life with almost everyday. she told me to write, to blog, and to share. i never did. this is for you. thank you for being one of my best friends and for pushing me to write and share my heart. i am so thankful for you.<br />
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so here we are. it's been a while. but it is good to back. i have been thinking about writing almost everyday for the past 3 months but never sat down to do it. its funny how i work like that. think about something. something i am passionate about. even write posts in my head at night when i am laying in bed. but for one reason or another they never made it to this page. but today they will. ava has been waking up really early and it frustrates me so much because i know around 3pm she will be exhausted and crabby and if she naps she will never go to bed. but today after asking to her to go back to bed several times and she was not capable of doing so...i decided to get up. the house is quiet. she is playing in her room. i made coffee. texted with a good friend who is in a very similar life change as we are...nice to have people in your corner. even from separate states.<br />
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so here i am. living in highland park NJ, in an apt (in a building with all old people. it is funny and they are kind). we are unpacked. it is just the decor and organizing part left. i like our home. we have a great view and the girls love the elevator.<br />
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before we head into where we are right now let me quick share about where we have been. we sold our first home very quickly. praise the Lord. we sold a ton of stuff. i even sold our king mattress to the termite inspector. we had a giant garage sale with 3 other families and packed it up and moved. justin had to get to MI for young life camp in june so he left a few days before the girls and i. that was crazy. thank you to those who helped me with the girls, move boxes, clean, donate stuff, cut our lawn, clean out our fridge, and the million tiny things that come with moving out of your house and storing your goods for 3 months while you head to MI for camp and then live with friends for july and then move at some point in august. honestly it was all so crazy that there really wasn't time to process it all. i cant lie and say i don't like stuff or furniture or clothes. because i do. i really enjoying decorating and making a house a home. but i found freedom in the riding ourselves of stuff. even with all we gave away and sold we still have so much. i don't want to miss that. i know we can't take any of it with us but when you spent weeks assembling a truck load of furniture and then you sell it off...i just needed a little second. but now i am over it. it's just stuff.<br />
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so packers and movers came (thank you young life) and took our stuff to NJ to store. i then loaded up my van with my bestie laura and our 4 kids and drove to MI to meet our husbands to spend a month at a YL camp. our van was exploding with stuff but considering we had a 4, 2, 1.5, and an 8 week old...our kids are awesome and so is a DVD player. this month is something special. i came into it all worn out and exhausted from the past 6 weeks but am thankful how we were swooped up from the chaos of our lives (our friends were moving to charlotte, nc for yl later this summer as well). i needed that break. to breath. to be present. to think about what had just happened. not in a bury inside kind of way but in a perspective kind of way. change is hard. duh. and we were about to embark on some serious change and i loved that we were taken out of our daily lives and brought to camp where someone prepared our meals, cleaned our rooms, relationships developed, kids played, students heard and started a relationship with jesus, my husband made me laugh, and i got spend a lot of time with other women who are wiser than me. i like that. most of my family made the trip to camp and experience a week of camp. having them see what we do and how funny justin is and how its all for the joy of the Lord is such a gift. thank you for coming and for supporting us as we move and walk in faith and it's scary and unknown. i am grateful you are in it with us. it makes the difference.<br />
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after a great month we drove home and pulled into a residence inn in harrisonburg b/c we were homeless by choice. got up at 6am the next morning to take ava to get her tonsils and adenoids removed. i always thought tonsils were like no big deal. i learned that yes surgery wise it isn't anything serious. i know that. but man the drugs they put ava on made her crazy. honestly it was like someone had taken over her body. we had to stay over night in the hospital so made it all seem way more serious and real than it actually was. physically she healed so well but one of the hardest parts was having her stay at minimal to no activity for 2 weeks. note to self...tonsil removal is way easier in the winter when you are stuck inside anyways. she was irritable, mean, inpatient, and bedtime was the worst. on a few nights she told me over and over how much she hated me and hated her life and her friends and i was the worst mom and she was the worst person. it was scary and awful. tonsils were way harder than i had prepared myself for...just an fyi.<br />
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we moved in with our friends ashley and greg bellamy. a separate post should be written for them. but considering my writing track record for consistency i wouldn't hold your breathe. but they gave us a home, freedom, food, help, friendship and joy. thank you for taking us in and for so long. for caring and loving our girls. it wasn't always easy...but not because of them. since they are easiest humans to live with on the face of the earth but more for myself. living in harrisonburg. our home. but not having a home so it felt like i was there but wasn't. justin went to yl camp right after we got home from MI with all the high schools in our area. great week for him and leaders and students but for sure the beginning of his transition out as we prepared for our move to NJ later in the summer. it is all so emotional and difficult because you are leaving people and a place that you've grown to love to move to place where no really cares you are there. it's not like when the movers arrived in NJ anyone was like..."oh, we are so happy you are here. heard you sold your house and most of your stuff to come here and start YL. we've never heard of it but i am sure it is great or maybe it's not. we don't really care. oh, you left people you love...sorry about that." now that would have been nice. but instead it is all about faith. the Lord opened this door and brought us here and will not leave us. it may have challenges but i know that life is full of hard stuff. thankful two of our good friend's from Syracuse came down and made our move in weekend even possible. thank you katie and billy truly. i needed you here. not just for ikea assembly but having familiar faces in an unfamiliar place really helped me our first few days. thank you.<br />
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but i skipped a little bit. living with your bestie is fun. justin kind of likes his own space and i do too but mostly i like hanging with my friend, ashley whenever i want so that was a perk of living with good friends for almost 6 weeks. wow that is awhile. but they travelled and we travelled so we weren't on top of each other for days on end. i tried to soak it up with friends and with ashley b/c i knew that friends. the real, deep, special ones don't happen over night. i am thankful that we didn't live in someones basement for the summer (we were offered that i turned it down only b/c i knew that would make me sad and very separate from all our people) but instead shared life with some of our dearest friends. i mean who doesn't want to drink diet coke, watch each of your kids love one another and fight but mostly love, watch hgtv, e, friday night lights, and parenthood at night with your friend on your old white couch that you bought for your bedroom and sat on twice and then sold to your friend because you were moving to a smaller apartment. see i want all those things and i got all those things. thankful for the friendships in harrisonburg. the forever friends. those are the best kind. please come visit.<br />
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i didn't want to move to harrisonburg. it was not easy at first. but to think what the Lord provided and did in 3 little years...well that gives me great hope for our new home in NJ. i miss people in harrisonburg and leaders and friends at jmu. i have a heart so of course it is sad. but. but it is getting better here. everyday. i am thankful for my husband and for my girls and for ava and how resilient she is and how she transitioning just fine. i am so grateful. lyles has no clue the difference. praise the lord for that.<br />
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before we moved we had our annual vacation to flordia with justin's sister and her family. we changed it up this year and rented a house in seaside fl. before we met up our family spent a couple days in atlanta and we loved that. a little mini vacay before it all really began. seaside was magically. bike rides, great good, pool, ocean, kids playing (loudly) and being with some of our favorite people. i thankful for the summer vacation tradition that justin's dad started. we don't plan to ever stop. i am thankful for a sister like sara. our time together is always real and fun and easy. i love vacation. it wasn't restful and kids got up early and we swam all day but these years of little one's is precious and i don't wanna miss it even though the whole concept of adult conversation is a rarity. it's how it goes with 5 kiddos under 5. thankful for family.<br />
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it is hard to recap 3 very full months of our lives. so about a thousand things were missed. but this was a summer of joy and also heartache. trying to stay on the same page with your husband when you don't have a home and are living out of a suitcase and your kids are wild and you are terrified for the future and starting over. but in the midst of arguments or frustration with the kids or mommy guilt about the chaos of it all. i tried to stop and remind myself of truth. it is all ok. we have each other, food, a place to live, clothes, and about a hundred other things we take for granted daily. this time of change was constantly about perspective. a lot of times it felt very #firstworldproblems. meaning things really were not that bad. the Lord is for us and in this with us. that is where my hope is found. it isn't all easy but when is it ever really "easy." this time has been refining for our marriage. who i am as a mother to these 2 girls. i am more present than maybe i have ever been. i don't have anyone to hang out really but them. honestly i love that. i mean i don't always love playing kids stuff like when ava wants to pretend she is dog and i don't feel like it. i dig. i dig deep inside and engage and pretend and explore and take walks, get ice cream, cuddle. it is all a gift. it doesn't always feel that way. but i don't always feel like a lot of things. so i will show up. everyday. as a wife and a mother and a women and a friend. we are not alone. no matter how hard it feels.<br />
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more to come this weekend on <span style="background-color: yellow;">NJ</span> and what we are up to and how we are adjusting. just wanted to recap our last few months. thanks for stinking in this with us and for praying and supporting us in this new endeavor.<br />
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to see our summer in photos check out my instagram feed: @libbyryder </div>
libbyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13276192531203696999noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1192031313610865107.post-72795167175064401962014-05-28T09:51:00.000-07:002014-05-28T09:51:15.916-07:00from grace...let's rally. for real.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">Hi everyone! My name is Grace, and I’ve hijacked the blog for today (thanks Libby!)<u></u><u></u></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">I met Justin and Libby a few years ago when they moved to Chesapeake to lead Young Life at our local high school. I could spend this entire post writing about how amazing and inspirational Libby is….but if you read this, you already know that. Instead, I’d like to tell you about something she’s inspired me to do - The RALLY Campaign.<u></u><u></u></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">When Libby was diagnosed with lymphoma, it was the first time anyone in my life had been touched by cancer. But just a few months later, one of my close friends from high school was also diagnosed. And then a coworker. And then a friends’ mom. After every diagnosis I felt helpless – people I cared about were fighting for their lives and there was nothing I could do to help. So I started running marathons with a program called Team in Training (TNT). </span><span style="font-family: Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">TNT trains (slightly crazy) people for "endurance events" - mostly marathons, half marathons and triathalons. In exchange, the participants raise money for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society (LLS). Fundraising for LLS made me feel as though I was making a small difference....while I couldn’t make my friends feel better after a chemo appointment, I could raise money to help find a cure, and to help make life a little easier for current patients.<u></u><u></u></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">Earlier this year, The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society honored me with a nomination to run for the 2014 Woman of the Year award. Woman of the Year is a 10-week fundraising campaign in which candidates compete to raise funds for LLS. At the end of the 10 weeks, the candidate with the highest fundraising total wins the title of Woman of the Year. While the title itself means very little to me, raising an incredible amount of money for this organization would mean the world. With the support of my team, The RALLY Campaign, we’re on a mission to raise $150,000 in just 10 weeks.<u></u><u></u></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">We’re 8.5 weeks into the campaign at this point, and I’m so proud of what we’ve accomplished so far. I wish I could share our progress with you, but candidates are asked to keep everything confidential until the end of the campaign. What I can say is that I’ve been amazed at the generosity and support from our friends, family, and even complete strangers. The RALLY Campaign has brought so many people together to pursue a common goal: to raise an insane amount of money. We’ve hosted multiple events, asked hundreds of people for donations, and applied for countless grants and sponsorships. And now we’re asking for your help as well.<u></u><u></u></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">I hope you will consider joining The RALLY by making a donation in support of our campaign. All donations are fully tax deductible, but must be received before 10am on June 5<sup>th</sup> to count towards our total. No donation is too small – every dollar counts in this fight.<u></u><u></u></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">Thanks in part to campaigns like this, we’ve made huge strides in the fight against blood cancers. </span><span style="font-family: Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">But despite the significant progress, the fight is still an uphill battle. Every four minutes someone is diagnosed, and every ten minutes someone dies. Blood cancers are the third most fatal form of cancer in North America, and cause more deaths than any other cancer among children and young adults. <u></u><u></u></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">I rally because almost four years after their diagnoses, my friends are all alive and healthy. And Ava now has a little sister. I rally so more families can celebrate birthdays, anniversaries, and first steps. And fewer families have to sit through chemo. I rally for the families who had to say goodbye too soon. I rally so future families don't have to. But mostly, I rally with the hope that one day, we won't need to rally anymore. Will you rally with us?<u></u><u></u></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">Please visit <a href="http://www.rallyforlls.com/" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank">www.rallyforlls.com</a> to donate, or to learn more about our campaign. If you have any questions, comments or would like to learn about other ways to be involved, please email me at <a href="mailto:grace@rallyforlls.com" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank">grace@rallyforlls.com</a><u></u><u></u></span></div>
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libbyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13276192531203696999noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1192031313610865107.post-42489433782059575332014-05-13T09:08:00.001-07:002014-05-13T09:08:43.524-07:00Moving ahead...Our house sold. Our first home. Well not our first home. We've lived in 6 different homes since we were married 7 years ago yesterday. Whoop whoop for marriage and my husband who surprised me with a night away and a 10 course meal tasting. To which I was nauseous with a headache and barely ate. I asked him last night when I was starving if we could try again...maybe next year. But our first purchased home is sold and we move out in a few weeks. Store our stuff for two months and live elsewhere for June and July. Thankfully June we will be at a young life camp in MI so our housing is set and we will find a place here for July. It's a lot of logistics and storage units and movers and details. But it's coming right along. sitting in my living room after a morning of a school drop off, a dr appt, target, screaming lyla (teeth are hurting her), calling storage units, emailing the moving company, selling items on Craigslist, and catching up on the one with friends. Now I am sitting in my living room. My favorite spot in the house because of the incredible light and feeling a little paralyzed. With a growing list of things to do and needing to shower and laundry to put away...I am here. On this blog. To share a bit about where we were are at...because right now feels like a lot. Not too much. Not stressed. A little anxious. Not sure where to begin or if I should begin or if sitting here is ok. as I teared up a second ago my mind was filled with relief. This is not it. This isn't what we life for. Houses and furniture and stuff. All fine things. Houses are precious and full of life and gifts and memories. But this isn't it. Our life is about a life beyond this world. An eternity in paradise. But today I am experiencing both. The peace that this isn't all I live for alongside with the need to make plans and pack boxes and possibly buy a house in New Jersey this weekend. The two exist together and I love that. <div><br></div><div>My desire for control has really come to the surface when the "plan" isn't precise or efficient or even known. We just keep moving and show up and do what needs to get done. In times of change and transition and moves and houses and plans...I sometimes wanna quit and pretend it isn't happening. But it is and I am in and I am up for change and adventures and surprises. I want that. I am ok with risk and uncertainty. Maybe not everyday or all the time. But I am learning to live a daily life that truly rests in trusting The Lord. Trusting him with the big stuff and the tiny details. It doesn't mean I sit back and assume it will all come together. It takes action and plans and emails and phone calls and conversations. I can handle that. But I have a peace and a trust that regardless if this process is seamless or packed with bumps and mistakes we will keep moving forward. I believe that this move is right. Not just for me or my husband or our family or young life or Rutgers or anything. It's about Jesus and He is moving and stirring in this place and we will go and be apart of what he is already doing and will continue to do. Easy and hard. It will be both and a million things in between. I believe that The Lord is going before us and in the midst of my tears and lack of motivation to pack and prepare...He is with me and that is enough. Making plans and having it all tied up neat with a bow isn't real and isn't usually how it goes. Thank goodness for the freedom.</div><div><br></div><div>Today I am thankful that our house sold. Quickly. That is a gift. I don't want to miss that because I am so focused on storage units and move dates and details. I think both can happen because both are happening. The Lord is taking care of one piece of this transition at a time. I want to rest in that and live out of that. One thing at a time.</div><div><br></div><div>If you pray and think of us this weekend I would ask for guidance as we look at homes <span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">to purchase and to rent. clarity for to both Justin and I. </span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">Thank you for entering into our lives. Maybe it started with our cancer journey or with lyla's birth or this move. Whatever the time or season I am grateful for a place to share and be real and know that people from all over are in this with us and the community that has been created is real and authentic. I am thankful for you and for this life and what is next...</span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></div>libbyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13276192531203696999noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1192031313610865107.post-47946194346661378302014-05-01T09:53:00.000-07:002014-09-10T18:01:44.171-07:00to the kids out there...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
ava had a real simple little thing this past week. just a sleep study. nothing crazy or serious. but man it has messed with me a lot since. i guess seeing your little love all full of wires and tubes just does something to your insides. for me this was the first thing we've had to do with ava in regards to medical stuff. my mind has been tricking me all week that when it comes to my kids i am weak. i fall apart. i believe those are lies. you can be both weak and strong. i think that is possible and must exist alongside one another. i cried laying in bed with her during her study. she hated that silly tube they put in her nose because it was scratchy. but our girl. well she did it. she let them put wires all over her head, face, and chest. she did it. mostly because i think she does really like doctor stuff and because it didn't hurt. it was harmless. mostly annoying to sleep with your face covered in tape and electrodes. what an awful word electrodes is. she slept. they got the information they needed. she got pancakes for breakfast and a new stuffed puppy from target. all is well.<br />
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mostly i am writing today because our routine (just making sure she is getting all the oxygen she needs while asleep) sleep test is nothing. i mean nothing compared to those of you out there who have dealt with some stupid hard stuff when it comes to your kiddos or siblings or grand kids or friends. it does something unnatural to your heart to see children in pain. especially when they are too young to possibly understand why it is happening to them. had i not had cancer i do think i would have this outlook or maybe i would. we wont ever know. but i learned that we are capable of more than we ever might imagine we are. i know this to be absolute truth. if we were given a book with our entire journey written out we'd probably cripple under the pressure and anxiety and worry in what that book might hold. i would prefer no book. i do better with walking in stuff as it comes. not that i am good at it or anything. just that it gives us a little at a time instead of one big overwhelming book.<br />
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for those of you who have walked this road or started today (follow sweet <a href="http://www.witmers.wordpress.com/">maureen</a> and her family. we love you, tiny john, his life and for each step ahead) or maybe next month. i am sure you could echo that in the midst of heart break and worry the Lord has provided at each step and in every way. even when it was all way too much. i lived through cancer and often continue to think...<i>how did we do that? seriously. how? </i><br />
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in the midst of tuesday night with ava and this tiny little test my heart grew. far deeper and wider than before we walked into that room. to all of you who have walked a tougher road. not being able to take the pain away from your child. tests and tests. chemo and chemo. shots. surgery. and death. i am sorry. i hate it. today my heart is for you. lifting you up and praying that the Lord gives you more joy and strength and hope and community and whatever it is you need to sustain yourself another minute or hour or day or month or year. i am pleading on your behalf. i simply had never dealt with more than a little shot at the pediatricians office. even though ava did not experience discomfort or pain it brought something to the surface that i didn't know was in me. i mean i hoped it was. i figured somewhere inside it was there. but tuesday i experienced it for the first time. i felt it and acknowledged it and thought...this is nothing. our girl is going to be okay. but what about those that aren't or will be but first need some surgery or medicine to get them there. thankful i live in a place where that is accessible.<br />
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i was going to share a little picture of ava from tuesday but it seems trite in comparison to the battles being fought out there today. thank you for standing by your babies and making the painful decisions on their behalf and the exhaustion and stress and questions. oh, man the questions and the options. i pray you are carried today in a way that you've never felt before or even knew existed. you are not alone.<br />
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from one mother to another. you can do it. even though you don't want to and it would be easier to fall apart: feel free to do that though. you are noticed and thought of and prayed for and even if only for a second the burden and weight you carry will feel a little lighter.<br />
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<i>psalm 138: 7-8a</i></div>
<i>though i walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life; you stretch out your hand against the wrath of my enemies, and your right hand delivers me. The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever...</i></div>
libbyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13276192531203696999noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1192031313610865107.post-65834891960142436222014-04-26T08:06:00.002-07:002014-09-10T18:01:26.897-07:00rutgers.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
with joy and tears i share the news that our family will be moving to new brunswick, new jersey this summer to start young life college and young life in the surrounding areas. if you are reading this and just finding out i am sorry i wasn't able to share this personally. it has been quick. so here we are...<br />
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what a spring it has been. we were asked to pray through the possibility of this job back around christmas. we talked and we prayed and without clarity or peace we turned it down. not because we are not mobile, up for change, into adventures, and above all completely and utterly willing to follow the Lord wherever He leads our family. we will go. every time. anywhere. wow i just wrote that. so even though that terrifies me i know that is where we stand.<br />
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side bar. i have been thinking a lot about <i>calling</i> and discerning the Lord's voice and direction. not an easy thing to navigate in my opinion. but i do believe the Lord is far clearer than maybe we want to acknowledge. mostly because change is hard. i am not sure i have met many people who say...."i love change. i hope my life is full of change and change and more change." mostly it sounds a little more like this..."i have a really hard time with change. can't i just get a break from it all." i think that is ok. i think change can bring fear, hardships, and trials. i know they do. i've lived it. but i have also experienced growth, intimacy with the Lord, depth with my husband, new relationships, joy, and memories that i would not trade. in my own life i can not think of many things i would trade. because i do believe that what we walk through is making us into who we are going to be forever. i am less fearful about new jersey not because i am strong and i handle change well. but because i have seen in tangible ways the Lord take care of me and provide me what i have needed in every major life transition thus far. graduating from calvin and moving to lexington, ky for a boy and a MSW. big move and best move. some of my closets friendships have come from that year. then we headed to chesapeake, va. i only ever had a couple friends my own age in a similar season of life. that was not always easy. i longed for my college roommates, my sisters, and just a few woman to really do life with. but the Lord provided for me in ways i would not even know to ask for. friendships with high schools girls through young life that now...a few years down the road we do life together. from all over the state we celebrate marriages, births, heartaches, and joys. the age gap doesn't matter. thank goodness i was not too ignorant to think we all have to be the same age to be friends. in addition were woman on our yl committee and community around us that literally made the chemo road feasible. meals, child-care, house cleaning, healthy smoothies, talks on the porch, prayer, gifts, cards, and tears. since my own mom was across the country the Lord gave me with other "moms" to care for us on a daily basis. for that i am grateful and for that i know that change and moves do not have to be as paralyzingly scary as i thought them once to be.<br />
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then harrisonburg. a few months post cancer we left a place where i think i experienced the most growth and change to date. newlyweds, a baby, cancer...those are just the big things. i became a wife and a mother and a fighter and a survivor and a hundred other things in that place. my heart is now scattered all over grand rapids, mi and lexington, ky and chesapeake, va and harrisonburg, va. some parts of that are hard. i often dream about living on the same street as my sisters and my parents and our kids growing up together. there may still be a season where that exists but not right now. oh, harrisonburg. i arrived here tired and depressed and scared. fighting to be happy and serve and smile and care for others. i like relationships and doing life with people. but it was coming from a place where i had nothing to offer. so in that first year i tried. i tried my best. but i know for a fact a lot slipped through the cracks and that is okay. we can't do it all. we were never meant to. but after some healing i built friendships, entered into the lives of college young life leaders, and we had lyla. this place now has my heart as well. i love that. this place has taught me yet again...that the Lord will give me what i need even if it looks different or feels different than i thought. i happy to admit i am usually wrong and that is fine with me.<br />
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in chesapeake and harrisonburg i have never seen people genuinely love our daughters simply because they want to. no obligation. but because they want to serve our family and love out girls. even if ava and lyla wont remember everyone (i hate that and i am sorry) but i know that my girls have seen community and fellowship and love and investment and joy from those of you, our dearest friends who have gone above and beyond for them. thank you.<br />
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this move is emotional. i often think emotion just means sadness and tears. not sure why i narrowed it down to those two emotions. but i did. i am experiencing daily and sometimes hourly the range of emotions that come with leaving a place and people you love. like<i> really love</i>. sell your first home, buy a new home, and all the details that can sometimes feel really paralyzing. justin is way better at managing things than me or maybe we just manage different things so it looks different. we are a team in that way and support each other in the areas we serve and work out of and i am beyond thankful for that. this move brings me to tears in two ways. sadness to leave and sadness that for nearly half a millions students in new jersey that don't have a young life leader to walk through life with. or hear about jesus from and experience a far grander life that the Lord has for them than ever could create for themselves. but there is joy. i love that we will be close to nyc. we love that city. i love the adventure, culture, diversity, and opportunities that await us and our girls. i am looking forward to what is ahead while also grieving for who and what we will leave.<br />
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but...as my husband shared in his last leadership meeting with our 80+ leaders that our eyes set on an eternal life far grander and far more real and right than this place. our eyes are on heaven. that is not to minimize or ignore how difficult this move will be but to rejoice in that this is far bigger than any little earthly move. someone told me that they think i am strong. i think strength is viewed highly in our culture and that is not necessarily bad at all. strength and perseverance are essential in life. along with humbleness and patience and grace. it is ok to be a mess. i think we need to hear that more. IT IS OKAY TO BE A BIG OL' MESS. you can stay there for a bit or a lot a bit. but i do believe there is danger is staying in the mess indefinitely. we can do hard things. you see it written everywhere. believe it. we can. we can do things we never imagined we could. believe that truth. and with God? well there is no ceiling on Him. get ready. its real and its big and its major and He wants you. all of you. believe that He will do whatever, whenever, however He wants to bring Himself glory and bring you to himself. that is the life i want. so am i strong? sure i am. you are too. but i know that a lot of where my heart is right now about heading to place i had never been before last month is experiencing more confidence than any other move because HE TOOK CARE ME THEN AND HE WILL TAKE CARE OF ME NOW. that is in caps and you know how i feel about capitalization so clearly i am passionate. the confidence and direction and call we are experiencing about rutgers university in new jeresey is because He hasn't failed me yet. not in leaving my hometown, leaving ky, leaving chesapeake, and now leaving harrisonburg. i know it wont be easy. not many things are easy. except turning on the tv for your kids to watch indefinitely while you nap. but other than that most of life takes drive, energy, time, willingness, and an hourly belief that because of Christ we can live.<br />
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i know it will be hard. big bad new jersey is going to be different and that is alright with me. justin says all the time..."do you think when we die we will say...why did i take so many risks for Jesus?" we personally doubt that. so we are taking a risk and we are on board and we are united and we feel sent and care for and we are seeing the Lord go before us in countless ways. thankful He is beside us and behind us and we are covered in prayer and support. i want that. we need that.<br />
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more to come this week on moving and calling and when to go and when to stay. i don't know much about staying but i do a lot about going and both are good and right and necessary. the Lord has us where we are for a season or a lifetime and i LOVE that. risk doesn't have to mean moving or new cities or new countries. it certainly can be that but it can be digging deep in a place for 60 years and you know what...those are the people that have made our moves and transitions possible.<br />
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i am not sure where we will end up and right now i do not really care. new jersey is what is next. we are thankful for the support and encouragement from young life as a whole as they send us to this new mission field.<br />
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if you have any connections in the area of new brunswick near rutgers or live there and i want to be my friend or want to move there and start young life in the nearly 500 high school and middle schools around us...email me at libbyryderblog@gmail.com<br />
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this is big for us. it is good for us. we want it. we are in. we are sad. we are joyful. we are scared or at least i am a little. but my husband is a man of vision and training and he is a dreamer. i will follow him anywhere and i am good with that. especially when we are united in the way that we are about new jersey. the Lord moved in me at a meeting 7 weeks ago and i was so overwhelmed with emotion and the holy spirit that i could not stop crying. my head was flooded with this..."move. move your family. go. adventure. risk. it might not go smoothly. but move. move. move. move." so after prayer and counsel and the Lord showing us in very clear ways we will go.<br />
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libbyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13276192531203696999noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1192031313610865107.post-10059135927105535552014-04-10T04:13:00.001-07:002014-09-10T18:40:34.001-07:00hope spoken<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
last march when tickets were released for <a href="http://www.hopespoken.org/">hope spoken</a> i had no idea what it was. i kept seeing the picture/logo show up all over instagram. the ladies organizing the event were not blogs i had read but now i do and i only recognized a few of the speakers. however, one of the key note speakers was going to be <b><a href="http://www.shaunaniequist.com/">shauna niequst</a> </b>who wrote <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Bittersweet-Thoughts-Change-Grace-Learning-ebook/dp/B003TFE1Z8/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1397077768&sr=8-1&keywords=bittersweet">bittersweet</a> and <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Bread-Wine-Letter-Around-Recipes-ebook/dp/B008EGV68M/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1397077826&sr=8-1&keywords=bread+and+wine">bread & wine</a>. two books i recommend and bittersweet was sent to me by five different people when i had cancer. i am drawn to her writing and wanted to hear her in person. a few girlfriends from ky whom i know through justin (and have become dear friends) were also going so i tagged along. cory, <a href="http://jenniferbrzinski.blogspot.com/">jen</a> (she blogged the details of this weekend) and rachel our woman that i respect immensely and love and barely see. so a few days in dallas, with some girlfriends, no babies, worship, sharing, and hearing about all different aspects of life and hardships and joy that all...i mean all...point back and directly to Christ.<br />
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what went on during this weekend you can't fake. thank you danielle, emily, and casey for that. you can't fake genuine and raw. i love that. i love that it felt nothing like a conference where you feel more like you are observing all these really cool people who get to be the speakers and share about their lives. but instead it felt like i was a part of it all. like my presence mattered. not in a self-centered kind of way but more of that it didn't matter if you were "blog famous" or had lots of instagram followers or wrote books or sold cool stuff. we are all woman trying to make our way. but i would be lying if i wasn't a little intimated by the well of knowledge, life, humbleness, and really amazing woman that filled that room.<br />
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the weekend felt humble. not fancy. although the decor was impressive and creative. if we had all been in our pajamas it would have really been my perfect dream. i am drawn to humbleness because i was struck with how prideful i am. how much i want to matter. be important. be asked to speak. share my story. when i realized the woman who shared this weekend were nervous, intimated, shy, hated public speaking (which i totally do so i am not sure why i want to speak at stuff). my pride. i see it everywhere.<br />
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i not only watched and listened but i experienced other woman's lives as they shared on abuse, infertility, adultery, depression, anxiety, adoption, death, broken relationships, mounds of deep and dark pain. but the game changer was that in all of that. every ounce of the stories shared you saw surrender, joy, contentment, birth, forgiveness, life, adventure, risk, hope & life. this place was my jam. i am saying that a lot these days to work with me. i felt like i was with woman who were like-minded. no matter the age, state, story, or vision...it all pointed to the gospel and the ocean of grace we can all experience everyday from the Lord. i thrive in thinking and processing and rejoicing and crying in the midst of hard freaking stuff and then...when you can't take it anymore you see a glimpse of joy, sovereignty, forgiveness, life, purpose...a story. our story. my story. your story. the one that He is writing everyday for us. i love that. this weekend was about sharing those stories. no matter where you're at or where you're headed or what was behind you. the Lord is writing your story and the way i believe we honor Him the most is by sharing them. allowing others to enter into them. all of it. the messy stuff and the easy joyful stuff. i think woman have the ability to speak into one each other's life with encouragement and scripture when we share where we've been and where we might be going.<br />
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although i would love to give you all little nuggets of truth from the speakers...i cant find my notes and if i don't press publish now this post wont happen since i currently am not sure what lyla is doing. so instead here are the links to the blogs of the ladies who were real, humble, shy, hilarious, truth tellers. i love that. i want to give more of it and i sure want to experience that more with the woman i live life with...both near and far. to take off the masks and the fear and pretending that it's all ok. but man when it is all ok we need to praise the Lord and live out of a place of gratitude. the unique thing about the Lord is that He can provide us with that place of gratitude in the midst of wherever we find ourselves.<br />
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<b><a href="http://www.danielleburkleo.com/">danielle</a> & <a href="http://www.wifeysinger.com/">hannah</a> && <a href="http://jonesdesigncompany.com/">emily</a> (one of the first blog i ever read and we ate most meals together. love her.) <a href="http://www.thenatos.com/">jami</a> & <a href="http://topofthepagewithleslie.blogspot.com/">leslie</a> & <a href="http://www.thewiegands.com/">casey</a> & <a href="http://www.theandersoncrewblog.com/">emily</a></b></div>
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in life i think we often find ourselves at a point where we can either choose fear or faith. i want to be a woman who chooses faith. i want to be convicted and broken and vulnerable when i know Jesus is the prize. His truth and grace. everyday. everyday single say until eternity.<br />
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this weekend showed me that so much of my life is bound up in this earth and my stuff and my family and my hopes and my dreams and my story and what i want. between seminar one and seminar two my heart flipped. i want more of Jesus on this earth. i want my eyes to be kept on Him no matter the season. i want more us to live like that. to talk about why it's scary and what we are holding onto on the inside and where we fail and where we thrive and that no matter how it all unfolds...Jesus is the one thing.<br />
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<a href="http://topofthepagewithleslie.blogspot.com/">leslie </a>passed photo cards out to those that attended her session and this has been written on my heart.</div>
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libbyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13276192531203696999noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1192031313610865107.post-33398634539430516772014-04-07T09:39:00.001-07:002014-04-07T09:39:12.388-07:00rally<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 19px; line-height: 29.86666488647461px;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> I RALLY for Libby. I RALLY because Ava needs her Mom. And Justin needs his wife. Because while every blog post was emotional, none made me cry as much as this one...</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #ef4135; font-size: 19px; font-style: italic; line-height: 29.86666488647461px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: start; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #ef4135; font-size: 19px; font-style: italic; line-height: 29.86666488647461px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: start; vertical-align: baseline;">February 9th: we are home. we made it. we made it through 12 chemotherapy treatments. it was joyful and emotional. hard to celebrate because i really do not feel very well at all. but either way its over and i never have to get chemo again. i can not explain what this means to me. i have cried more today than i have since this all began. i had no idea i would feel like this. but i am so thankful its over. and i did it. we did it. we freakin' did it. its done. i could scream. justin did scream in the car when we drove home. i will scream when i feel less exhausted.</span><br style="color: #eeeeee; font-size: 19px; line-height: 29.86666488647461px; text-align: start;" /><span style="background-color: white;"><br style="color: #eeeeee; font-size: 19px; line-height: 29.86666488647461px; text-align: start;" /><span style="border: 0px; color: #ef4135; font-size: 19px; font-style: italic; line-height: 29.86666488647461px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: start; vertical-align: baseline;">thanks for loving us. and for the texts, emails, mail, and flowers that arrived today. it helps that so many people are celebrating right along with us.</span><br style="color: #eeeeee; font-size: 19px; line-height: 29.86666488647461px; text-align: start;" /><br style="color: #eeeeee; font-size: 19px; line-height: 29.86666488647461px; text-align: start;" /><span style="border: 0px; color: #ef4135; font-size: 19px; font-style: italic; line-height: 29.86666488647461px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: start; vertical-align: baseline;">i am in bed. ava is sleeping. and we are watching top chef. our favorite. my husband is beside me working on his lap top. its so nice to be together. to celebrate how far we have come together. i thought we were a strong team before...but man...cancer does something crazy and special and deep to a marriage.</span><br style="color: #eeeeee; font-size: 19px; line-height: 29.86666488647461px; text-align: start;" /><br />or this one...<br style="color: #eeeeee; font-size: 19px; line-height: 29.86666488647461px; text-align: start;" /><br style="color: #eeeeee; font-size: 19px; line-height: 29.86666488647461px; text-align: start;" /><span style="border: 0px; color: #ef4135; font-size: 19px; font-style: italic; line-height: 29.86666488647461px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: start; vertical-align: baseline;">February 18th: Final Test Results - i woke up early this morning. i could not sleep. i emailed my doctor and within minutes he called me. he said immediately, "I am calling with good news, Libby!" that was all i needed to hear. but then i asked to be sure, "So i am cancer free?" and he said, "yes, congratulations Libby!"</span><br style="color: #eeeeee; font-size: 19px; line-height: 29.86666488647461px; text-align: start;" /><br style="color: #eeeeee; font-size: 19px; line-height: 29.86666488647461px; text-align: start;" /><span style="border: 0px; color: #ef4135; font-size: 19px; font-style: italic; line-height: 29.86666488647461px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: start; vertical-align: baseline;">i hung up and just sat in my bed. i did not react. almost like when we heard i had cancer. i know i have emotion but for some reason i felt nothing. so i text justin asking him to call me asap and that it was good news. he asked, "how do you feel?" and i thought for a second and said, "good. i mean i knew it. i knew it inside that it was gone but this is the confirmation i needed. i feel relieved." he said me too. but i know myself and the emotion will come. its not usually immediate. its like i need a second. well its been over an hour and its sinking in. ava woke up and we got her dressed and justin made breakfast and we really did not talk. we ate on the porch and then my heart began to open up. not with tears but i am beginning to process that i do not have cancer anymore. I DO NOT HAVE CANCER ANYMORE.</span><br style="color: #eeeeee; font-size: 19px; line-height: 29.86666488647461px; text-align: start;" /><br style="color: #eeeeee; font-size: 19px; line-height: 29.86666488647461px; text-align: start;" /><span style="border: 0px; color: #ef4135; font-size: 19px; font-style: italic; line-height: 29.86666488647461px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: start; vertical-align: baseline;">i often think that our story is not that unique or special. people get cancer all the time. and people live and people die. and i found myself feeling guilty that our story of cancer was maybe not as tough as other people's. justin said that was dumb and not to think that. so i will try not too. but we changed. forever we are changed. and i would not trade that for the world. my heart is new. and i am still broken and sinful and clearly imperfect but cancer did something big to me. and to justin. and even though ava is so young i know our family's story will change her too. oh, i pray it does.</span></span><br style="background-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); color: #eeeeee; font-size: 19px; line-height: 29.86666488647461px; text-align: start;" /><br style="background-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); color: #eeeeee; font-size: 19px; line-height: 29.86666488647461px; text-align: start;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 19px; line-height: 29.86666488647461px; text-align: start;">I RALLY because almost four years after her diagnosis, Libby is alive and healthy. Because Ava now has a baby sister. I RALLY so more families can celebrate birthdays, anniversaries, and first steps. And fewer families have to sit through chemo. I RALLY for the families who had to say goodbye too soon. I RALLY so future families don't have to. But mostly, I RALLY with the hope that one day, we won't need to RALLY anymore.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">(all the above was shared by grace ng on the <a href="https://www.blogger.com/goog_733838182">w</a></span><a href="https://www.blogger.com/goog_733838182"><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">ww.</span>rallyforlls</a><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><a href="http://.com/">.com</a> website)</span></div>
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<span style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">i have been trying to write this for a few days but i didn't want to just share a link and a story and ask people to just enter into this campaign. i want to articulate in the best way i can that this is way bigger than raising awareness or money. it is about dreaming of a day when cancer isn't a part of any of our stories anymore. because enough research has been done to obliterate this disease. but since that day is not today i want to share about our friend <b><a href="http://www.rallyforlls.com/">grace.</a> </b>her family has been long time supports of the ministry of Young Life and our family. justin and i have had the honor of walking alongside grace's two younger siblings, abigail and jon while living in chesapeake.</span></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="border: 0px; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: bold; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Grace Ng</span> graduated from the University of Virginia in 2009 and took a job at Barclays in New York City where she currently works as an Assistant Vice President in Institutional Equity Sales, responsible for covering institutional asset managers with respect to their equity market investments.</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">After moving to NYC in 2009, Grace discovered the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society (LLS) through their endurance sports training program, Team in Training. Team in Training trains individuals to compete in marathons, triathlons, and cycle events while they raise funds to support LLS. In the past four years, Grace completed 5 marathons and half marathons with Team in Training, and is currently training for a half marathon in June!</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">In addition to her own training, since 2012 Grace has served as a captain for Team Barclays, a Team in Training corporate team that has supported more than 350 employees in endurance events and raised over $1 million for LLS. At the invitation of LLS’s NYC Chapter, Grace also serves as a member of the Team in Training Executive Leadership Committee, an entity tasked with growing and developing the Corporate Team Division of the program. (this and more about grace can be found at <a href="http://www.rallyforlls.com/">www.rallyforlls.com</a>)</span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Grace has accepted the nomination for the LLS 2014 WOMEN OF YEAR rally campaign. the rally campaign is a 10 week push to raise $150,000 for the LLS.<span style="text-align: justify;">The</span><span style="text-align: justify;"> </span><span style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: bold; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">Leukemia & Lymphoma Society</span><span style="text-align: justify;"> </span><span style="text-align: justify;">(LLS) is the world’s largest voluntary health organization dedicated to funding blood cancer research and providing education and patient services. Founded in 1949, LLS is relentless in the pursuit of its mission to cure leukemia, lymphoma, Hodgkin’s disease and myeloma, and improve the quality of life of patients and their families. When I was sick we were given a $5,000 check from the LLS to help with our medical bills, medication, and treatment. That significant contribution alleviated the financial burden that cancer treatment brings to so many people. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">will you rally?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">no matter the amount it makes a difference. all those $25 donations add up.</span></div>
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<a href="http://www.rallyforlls.com/"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">www.rallyforlls.com</span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">follow them on twitter @RALLYFORLLS</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">connect on<b> <a href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/The-RALLY-Campaign/343495682419279">facebook</a></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">mostly this whole thing is very humbling. humbling that people continue to rally around our story, cancer, and finding a cure. when we were walking through cancer i share all the time that the reason we even made it through that time without going insane was because people rallied around us in every capacity possible. <b><i>but it begins with a cure. </i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">email me if you have questions or want to get involved.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">libbyryderblog@gmail.com</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">thankful that LLS had done enough research by the time i was diagnosed so we had treatment plan designed specifically for hodgkin's lymphoma. i was stage 4 when my cancer was discovered and i feel confident that because of the 4 drugs i was <span style="background-color: yellow;">given</span> at chemo in addition to the Lord's grace i was healed. today i am healthy wife and momma to little girls. i can feel how close we were to that not being our story.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> because campaigns like <a href="http://www.rallyforlls.com/">this </a>exist i was able to be treated and healed.</span></div>
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libbyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13276192531203696999noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1192031313610865107.post-69900364379408380412014-03-31T08:09:00.000-07:002014-03-31T08:09:05.733-07:00"See, I am doing a new thing...I am making a way..."<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px;">i just returned from a long weekend in dallas, tx with three good friends for a gathering of women who love the Lord, have a story (which we all do) and want to share it glorify the Lord with all the sweet and broken parts. <a href="http://www.hopespoken.org/">www.hopespoken.org</a>. it is happening again next year and you can get your tickets soon...do it.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px;">still processing and let it soak in. because united airlines has something personally against my flights to and from texas were either delayed, cancelled, or delayed some more. how about planning to leave at 11am and not getting home until 2am. not sure what united has against me but i am home and back with my family who i missed terribly. today we rest.</span><br />
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<i><b><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px;">See, I am doing a new thing! </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px;">Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.</span></b></i></div>
<br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px;">In many ways i feel like my life has been broken up into two parts. Before cancer and after cancer. Going along and living your life and then something seems to shift. I believe for many people (because they told me) that the story we were living in cancer was the greatest fear for many people. Ever wonder if the fear and worry in your life is causing more anxiety than when you are actually living in the wasteland? I do. I think we spend more time worrying and controlling our life than actually living the story The Lord is specifically writing for each and everyone of us. We think we know what we would do when life takes the turn we weren't expecting. I think the unplanned and the unexpected road is actually one of our primary purpose in life. The Lord will use whatever means He sees fit to bring us and others to the feet of the cross. What are we about when life feels like a wilderness wasteland? When we are stripped of what we've looked to for life. Thankfully the God we serve, He shows up. As Isaiah said..."See I am doing a new thing." We often assume that new thing will be one bound up in joy. What if it isn't? Than what? For me our story took a turn when I was diagnosed with cancer at 25 and had just become a mother 6 months prior. Our new thing was cancer and because our God can make a new way in the wilderness of pain it became a chance to grow and bind ourselves to Christ. To experience a deep intimacy in my relationship with The Lord for maybe the first time in my entire Christian life. Praise The Lord that we serve a God that uses cancer to be the new thing and brings you to a place when it is only about Him and only a little bit about cancer. The thing that shifts your life and your heart in a way that you would never pick than becomes what changes your inner most parts like nothing else could. Praise the Lord for making a new way in my life.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px;">The Lord made a unique and intimate way for our family in the midst of pain. It's about living in a daily way that reflects how He used the greatest pain to spring up joy and purpose and people and life in the midst of death. </span><div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px;">Where is The Lord beginning a new work in your life that could possibly be the thing that changes who you are in Christ forever? Do not miss that He will use it all. The ugly, the pride, the embarrassing, the secrets, the pain, the heartache, the humiliating, the...<i>this is too much. too scary. too hard. </i>AND He will use joy, laughter, the beach, friends, relationships, church, His word, prayer, children, your marriage to bring you to Himself. I think for some it is easier to cling to Christ in desperation and for others it is harder in the seemingly mundane nature that life can take to really experience His grace and love and direction. Thankfully it's about all of it. The gospel is evident in everything if we choose to keep our eyes only on Christ. it is only about Him. everything else will fail and this weekend reminded me of how the Lord uses ALL OF IT to bring us to Himself.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px;" /></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px;">I will make an active choice everyday to keep my eyes on Christ and what He says is true about me and my life and my purpose and my story. Even when i have a hard time believing i will turn to what scripture says is true. Because grace is an ocean we can continue to live out of Him in the midst of grief and joy. I believe that at times in our lives the two extremes are what get us through. In the grief and pain of my father in laws sudden passing came a week before the birth of our precious lyla. In the wake of fear and pain in cancer we experienced community, vision, purpose, and love like I have never known. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px;">I hope we can all move in a direction that draws us closer to Himself...regardless of our season of life.</span></div>
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libbyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13276192531203696999noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1192031313610865107.post-7761986130958633212014-02-27T11:49:00.001-08:002014-02-27T11:49:35.609-08:00discontentment can be a dangerous place if you stay too long.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
i have been way<i> off</i> this week and realized that i have an easier time telling other people that it is ok to just feel a certain way and not have to justify it. but i sometimes ignore my own advice. i need a reason and sometimes a long explanation as to why i am feeling how i am feeling. for some reason that makes it easier for me if i have a giant justification for myself and what is going on inside. however, i do not necessarily recommend living this way but for now...for me...this is where i am.<br />
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so i think everyone can agree (unless you live in fiji) that it has been an incredibly cold and long winter. our triple the normal month electric bill stands behind that. but in the midst of a cold and snowy month i had two things i was really looking forward to: two out of my three sisters were coming for a visit. my sister allison came for her spring cabi show. she sells <a href="http://www.cabionline.com/">cabi</a> which is a really cute clothing line. basically it's an excuse to come and see us. a weekend consisting of laying around, her cleaning up our entire house while we attended a funeral, watching lyla while i took ava to med-express for an ear infection, lots of food (sushi is our jam), catching up, and being together. when she is here i am reminded once again that right alongside the fact that i love our home, this town, and our people...i miss my family. her early morning departure last monday was hard but not nearly as sad as usual because a few days from then justin's sister and her family were making their first visit to harrisonburg. it made the goodbye a little easier.<br />
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we welcomed an unexpected surprise of sun and warmer temps here this weekend. good for downtown walks, loads of sunshine streaming in the windows, picnics, and playing outside. between our two families we have 5 kids under 6 years old. so it's a little crazy and loud but thankfully our kids are obsessed with each other. we are so thankful that despite the distance my girls love and miss their cousins. however, parallel to the obsession and love between them we encounter tattle tailing, chasing, smelling booties (don't ask), and the unwillingness to share. i don't enjoy the bickering but i kinda like the chaos. it's like i don't love the clean up but man i love the party. it can be loud but it is mostly laughter and running around. don't get me wrong at the same time i would like to sleep in and have a break but once it's quiet around here again i miss it. i do love panera and starbucks in the morning, guys bike riding, kids singing "frozen" over and over, walks, food, conversations, late nights, good drinks, and sara and i talking about how we want to exercise and lose weight but than fail to leave the couch. when i married justin i gained the gift of one more sister. no words. so thankful. side note: i am joining a gym. for real. i want to be healthier.<br />
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all this to say that when monday hit and the floyds left and we waved goodbye and ava talked about them for the next hew hours straight...i entered a dark little place. overwhelmed with the absence i feel by living far away from my family and in an attempt to shove my feelings elsewhere i swept floors, changed sheets, did laundry, cleaned bathrooms, made dinner all to avoid my feelings and inability to pull it together. oh, and that it all needed to be done regardless if i was feeling up for it or not. ava watched a lot of tv, we skipped dance class, and i felt pretty down. after not being satisfied by my days accomplishments...ie housework which seemed like the most lame way to justify how i spent my day. i decided i needed to do something that warranted growth and change and purpose and how i was currently living was not "enough.". i was having a little identity crisis. embarrassed to admit that i thought things like...<i>so this is it? my life is cooking, laundry, and cleaning and caring for the girls? this is it? i need more. i have to have more. i need to find more purpose. something of far greater weight than a stay at home mother.</i> i am hesitating to say all this because i would not tell anyone that this things are even truth. it's just a glimpse into my head and the parts i like to keep to myself. i realize this has far less to do with the girls (whom i love dearly...duh) laundry, the house, etc but everything to do with how and where i find my worth, purpose, and identity. this week my head has been full of thoughts about my identity and what i am worth and what i am capable of and where i am failing. its been a bit of self-loathing. on monday to warrant my day as "productive" we went to target at 5pm to get a few things to not consider myself an utter failure as a human. however, we all went in our pajamas.<br />
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reality check...life is a whole mixture of all sorts of things. not many people are passionate about cleaning bathrooms or unloading dishwashers...they are just a part of life and someone has to do it. passionate or not.<br />
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i know that i am a feeler. i am way more emotional than logical. grey always makes more sense than black and white. i am cool with the middle of the road. not when it comes to Jesus and being married and other obvious things. those are black and white. you gotta be in and in.<br />
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my emotions have been dictating how i feel, how i spend my day, where i go, what i do. i have been "doing stuff" in order to make myself feel like my day and my life and my purpose can be considered worth while. in my head i am at war. this battle between what i want to believe, what i do believe, and how that all plays out in my life. in my head it is one jumbled mess of things like this...lazy, no purpose, "just" a mom, alone, and when can i go to sleep next. not the best place to be. i get that. i am well aware that this week i have not totally been myself and i am sure it is a mixture of all sorts of things. looking forward to family visits that have come and gone...but so good while they were happening. it's cold and i am over it, sick kids is taxing, and sleep is a treasure.<br />
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what it all comes down to is this. it is ok that i am having the post my family is gone blues and winter has been long and i am ready for warmth, playing outside, adventure, exercise, and sun. all of those are good and true. i know it is way deeper than all of that. i am admitting that i am a bit of a chronically discontent lady. grass is greener. i have to admit it. because i know it's a lie. grass is grass. life is life. things are not always what they seem. for example this morning i sent a text to my friend summing up my desire to possibly work outside the home and discontentment and all that comes with staying home raising the girls and my struggles with motherhood. to which my single, educated, driven, successful, passionate friend said:<i> that's funny. let's trade. that is all i ever wanted. this is just my back up plan.</i> boom. she got me. it hasn't left my mind. what i want at times she has and what i have she wants. see the whole grass and greener thing is just one big fat lie. we both agreed that our chronic discontentment is a miserable place to be. i know that joy is stripped when your eyes and your heart are looking at things and people and seasons and stuff to bring joy and purpose and peace and happiness and contentment. i have the answer. i have the one thing. i know its the Lord. i know and believe that joy is stripped when you look to the world to complete you. it will only keep you searching and longing for more. i need truth. i need to be reminded and broken over where my life is found. i know the answer. logically i know. but my heart. my feeler instinct seems to have won. it wont win for good but for now it is winning.<br />
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coming up we have a young life weekend full of worship and truth and relationships. my soul needs it. craves it. i just hope i can show up and not sit in my own lies. i wanna be genuine and real but i sometimes feel fake. i know Jesus shows up everyday. i know He will show up this weekend. i know this is about me and not about Him. He is constant. i am flippant. His love is eternal and unchanging. i am flighty and tired and weary. looking ahead to march we have a wedding, i am attending a conference in dallas with myself and 3 other friends and a lot of other ladies who love Jesus that i hope are in the same boat. not going to hold out for these events to make it better or staking my hope in them. but looking ahead and seeing it all as a gift. that i will be surprised and broken and healed and that my passions and visions can some how be formulated into what the Lord has for me. but what if i don't know my passions. can i take test or something to tell me. i think i want more. i think that is ok to say right? i know that "more" can be overrated. this has far less to do with adding more to our life and our schedule and our time. but maybe it is me discovering what gives me purpose and live and joy in addition to everything else. can you even have it all? what does that even mean? i think that no matter what you do or how you live or spend your time...life is full of sacrifices and choices.<br />
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this is not meant to be a "woe is me" i get it that life is not just about the "or." married or single. kids or no kids. work outside the home or work in the home. healthy or sick. grief or joy. life is about the "and." i am a woman and i am married and a mother and i stay home and i kinda wanna work and discover my passions and i do lots of laundry and make dinner and sometimes i experience joy and grief in the same moment and same day. life is a whole bunch of "ands." thank goodness for that. <i>or</i> is boring. it is way too black and white and concrete for me or maybe for most of us. i like the <i>and</i>. i like that my life and my heart and my mind and who i am is a whole lot of <i>ands. </i>and for right now i am thinking beyond some of the basics. i have had seasons of being more content in my life and seasons of growth and challenges and risks. i want to be that person. i want to be that wife and that mother. that is passionate and risky (in a good way) and also loves to bake and put my kids to bed and play games. i know this is has nothing to do with wishing away this season and longing for the next. i do not want to miss the now. yes i want spring and summer to come but i refuse to miss the process. the process of becoming who i am and changing and forming. i love that. i want to change and evolve and stretch and work hard. but if i am honest with myself and everyone else...i am scared and timid and not sure what this means. my tendency is to stick with what is safe and comfortable and although i want to take challenges i have a track record of not following through. i am afraid to fail. but i know that along with risk comes failure. it is not an easy street. every choice we make usually means a sacrifice somewhere else. i guess i am not sure what i am willing to sacrifice.<br />
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i like the idea of being this person. that mom who seems to juggle it all. it is such a fallacy though. i know that. i believe that life can seem to be one jumbled mess of trying to find contentment, joy, safety, wholeness, freedom, and love as we manage the tendency to feel like we need to keep it all together, not fall apart, have direction, and not be afraid. what i think i have come to as i am writing this is that...it isn't about having it all and always being happy and having it together. i do believe the most vulnerable and broken and honest and risk taking people are a little more interesting. but i also know that what i want and what you want and where i am going and where you are headed is different. what a joy that is. the freedom that we do not have to be same or look a like or do what same thing to matter. our worth isn't found in that stuff. i am trying to navigate the place that i am in where i feel a little restless. not sure where to go or what to do or what it means...my husband and my girls and our home and our life and town and our family and our relationships and life. it is a treasure. one that i do not want to miss or ignore or fail to thank the Lord for everyday. those things i believe are right and true.<br />
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i guess i am ready and willing to move towards what the Lord has for me...either in our home or outside or alongside justin or on my own. but thank goodness it all gets thrown together into one big ol' <i>and</i>. i want the <i>and</i>. i want to be more than this or that or blah, blah. i do not want to waste my life and i do not want to miss my life because i am too busy trying to find it instead of experiencing it everyday. </div>
libbyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13276192531203696999noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1192031313610865107.post-60513094823296836922014-02-10T18:21:00.000-08:002014-09-10T18:01:13.305-07:00House update<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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so i've been wanting to do this for a while but stopped myself. for several reasons...i wanted to use our real camera for photos not my phone, it's a mess, it's not done, etc. but tonight i decided that i was missing the point. it's all about the process. i love our new home and i am enjoying the process of...finding good deals, browsing Pinterest, hanging pictures, getting things organized, fixing things (don't totally enjoy that part), and gradually making it our own. so tonight i ignored all my reasons for not posting and thought about what i love when i check out blogs or websites for decor ideas. i simply enjoy seeing into people's homes and i don't care if it is done or pristine or any of that. anyone who loves to decorate or DYI projects or simply searching 100s of random things on Pinterest just to get some ideas than this is for you. nothing looks fancy or like a magazine with flowers in the shot. these are all from my phone and i barely picked up the house...but enjoy.</div>
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<b><a href="http://libbyryder.blogspot.com/2013/11/our-new-home.html">Here's a few before shots</a>. </b>also <a href="http://thenester.com/">the nester</a> has helped me embrace the whole..."it doesn't have to be perfect to be beautiful." we aren't really into perfection around here anyways.</div>
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In the kitchen we painted the cabinets and got new hardware and added decor. but nothing else major. i do believe the built ins are a bit cluttered...)</div>
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Ava's room </div>
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i am truly obsessed with the big gold polka dots in Ava's room. i saw them on instagram and immediately thought they were perfect for her room. you can find some for your place here: <b><a href="http://www.uwdecals.com/">www.uwdecals.com </a>.</b> i can't express my love for them. so easy. they come off easily as i have rearranged them a few times...but still continue to stick to the wall perfectly. i totally suggest them for any room. <a href="http://www.uwdecals.com/">Urban Walls</a> website has a ton of shapes and sizes and colors to choose from. so great for renters and spaces that don't remain permanent (college dorms or office space, etc).</div>
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Main bathroom:</div>
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It's getting painted tomorrow. A grey/navy color. </div>
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i plan to stray paint the hardware and install a new faucet. than i would like to frame out the mirror and update the shower curtain (new paint color is close to the color of the curtain so a little change will be good).</div>
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There was old bright red carpet on the stairways and hallways so we changed it to a light grey color. I am planning to paint this wall black and create a gallery wall with white frames from top to bottom.</div>
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Our bedroom: it originally had red carpet that was torn out we replaced it with a laminate hardwood. Justin did it himself and we hired out for the baseboards because the cuts need to be precise and we don't own a saw that can do that nor is my sweet husband a carpenter. </div>
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Basement family room and playroom </div>
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A few randoms of guestroom, living room, and entryway. Lyla seems to be sleeping whenever i am taking pictures. her room is white, coral, navy, and pink. also we painted both the girls ceilings pink. a nice little touch.</div>
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So here's where we are at. it's been a lot of purchasing and returning and trying and finding deals (target clearance is my best friend) and spray painting. we did hit up ikea for some new pieces: couches, bedroom dressers, round mirror in entryway (thanks mom and dad), kitchen island, curtains, frames, and some smaller decor items.<br />
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i feel very passionate that you create a space you truly love and not spend a lot of money. i found our bedroom lamps for $10 a piece from target. our 9 x 12 living rug from crate and barrel was originally around $1,000 and we got it for $300. i like to find decor pieces (frames, vases, etc for cheap cheap. like $10 or less). i asked for gift cards for christmas that went straight to the house. it was perfect timing. i just want to encourage people who are on a budget or do not have any extra money for housing update. you really can do it affordably. wait for things to go on sale and use craigslist, ross, tj maxx, and target end caps. use spray paint and thrift stores and what you already own. a new lampshade or new paint color or using it in a new space can really go a long way. some hate this process but i have found in order to get things done i need to find great sales and be willing to be patient. so far it is working and i kinda think it is fun.<br />
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comment with any questions or where we got stuff or ideas or suggestions. i would love that. also these pictures are so bad. sorry about that...</div>
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libbyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13276192531203696999noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1192031313610865107.post-4033602161869160142014-02-06T08:42:00.000-08:002014-09-10T18:02:25.645-07:00three years.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
so my friend laura and i are pretty much the only people that actually remember my last day of chemotherapy. i am sure...i mean i guarantee it is because its her birthday 2.9.11. although the 9th is on sunday it was actually 3 years ago today (on a thursday) that justin and i got our final starbucks run on our way to treatment. i don't really remember anything about it anymore. i guess that is one more reason why this blog holds such a special place for me...because its the keeper of all my thoughts, memories, and emotions that have since faded. in some ways i am okay that it all doesn't feel so fresh and raw and real anymore. time does that. it heals. i am grateful for healing and that what i mostly remember about this day three years ago is that i slept. a lot. justin planned our nyc trip while i slept so not to ruin any surprises. sleep is good sometimes for that reason. my mind was able to rest and escape the smell, the room, the people, the sadness. a chemo room is sad. i would look around and wonder what stories were in that place. were they almost done like me? just starting? scared? alone? in pain? i did not really take the time in chemo to hear people's stories and get a glimpse of their hearts. i wish i had. but i couldn't. i didn't seem to have the energy to carry other people's heartache. i was trying to manage my own pain and fear. but this treatment. number 12. well it was a means to end for me. we knew that i was responding and that this would almost one hundred percent be it for me. so there was some joy for us that day. knowing that our cancer story was coming to a close that day. at least the chemo part. we said good bye to my nurse nora. i felt stronger today because i knew i could do one more. i had finally reached our finish line and i am so glad justin did <a href="http://libbyryder.blogspot.com/2011/02/last-chemo-day-from-justin.html">THIS</a>. or else i may keep forgetting.<br />
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i have shared our story many times and i hope to keep sharing it. i believe our stories matter and whatever they hold we need to keep sharing them. it matters. your life matters. i wrote for a magazine called <b><a href="http://www.mamalode.com/">mamalode</a></b> a while back and last month they emailed and asked if they could run it again online. i was thankful because i have been absent from this place for a while and having a hard time finding my way back. then i got an email that it was running today. 3 years exactly from when we ended treatment. timing of things are funny sometimes. we don't always know why or if it matters. but re-reading what i wrote and thinking about our journey and where it has brought us took me the Lord. thanking Him for His everlasting faithfulness and love. He is in it with us. all of it. even when we feel alone and scared. i feel both those things often. my courage and joy comes from Him because without it i would prefer to curl up into bed and in turn might miss my life. but i don't want to miss my life. my hope is that i can live each day with purpose, love, patience, joy, and even when i feel like i can't do it all anymore. i wont beat myself up. i will give myself and those around me the grace to simply live. to not compare or feel lazy if our day is full of cartoons and food. but to really live in a place of contentment because i know that story that the Lord has for me and for you is not one that is consumed by insecurities and fear and heartache. of course all those exist and we live them out daily sometimes i hold firm to a greater hope. a hope that last forever. so instead i will choose life. cancer is real and scary and many of you are walking in the trenches of that now. for yourself or family or friends. cancer is everywhere and i hate that. but because our stories will be filled with life (our good friends had a little girl today and i will celebrate her new life along with the new life i was given in being free from cancer) and our stories will be filled with pain and grief...in the midst of it all i will choose Jesus. to rejoice with in life and cling to for hope and comfort in death. you see as the creator of life He can hold it all. wherever you are at today or tomorrow or last year or in ten years the creator of this world wants to walk in all of it with you. you are not alone. in the joy of new life...life sweet baby ella and the sting of lost...like pop pop the same God is in it all. i am indebted. i need Him and you need Him too.<br />
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our story. if you've read it a hundred times or new to this place. this is where i believe my own story in many ways began. <a href="http://mamalode.com/story/detail/this">READ HERE</a>. i don't usually do this but i think it matters. our stories. the happy ones and the sad ones they all matter. so share ours. share it because it's one of hope and pain and fear of death and life and healing and because suffering will happen. maybe not cancer but it will be something. sorry to be a downer and since easy was never guaranteed i do believe what we do with our pain and joy and grief and hurt and when life feels out of control...<i><b>it all matters</b></i>. so lets enter into one another's stories. let's keep it real and raw and genuine and safe. i believe we all desire to be a part of something where we feel safe and accepted and heard and loved. so let's do that for one another and for ourselves. we are not alone. even if we feel it. it's a lie. so cling to what is true. <br />
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today i am reflecting on where we were three years ago today and in that place i have cried a lot and it is not even noon. but it has less to do with chemo and cancer and more to do with how deeply i seem to feel things now. cancer brought an already emotional girl to a whole new level. i am hopeful for sweet tears of joy today.</div>
libbyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13276192531203696999noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1192031313610865107.post-85093799327607750322014-01-15T05:02:00.001-08:002014-01-15T05:02:53.559-08:00Lyles and her first year of life.<div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-hdqwUfg0xb8/UtaGcG04iwI/AAAAAAAADWU/iUO8NCVghpM/s640/blogger-image--2143962482.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-hdqwUfg0xb8/UtaGcG04iwI/AAAAAAAADWU/iUO8NCVghpM/s640/blogger-image--2143962482.jpg"></a></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-Vo5ZS-Uii7o/UtaG--n1BYI/AAAAAAAADXM/mEz7qjHVF7Y/s640/blogger-image--1334924645.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-Vo5ZS-Uii7o/UtaG--n1BYI/AAAAAAAADXM/mEz7qjHVF7Y/s640/blogger-image--1334924645.jpg"></a></div><br></div>After the girls party we sat around with friends while kids played and reflected briefly on this past year. Sharing about how it was only the Lords provision that I had the strength 38 weeks pregnant to stand alongside my family as we walked through the tragedy of pop pop. Then getting permission to fly at 39 weeks to attend his celebration of life service. My midwife asked..."as long as your willing to have a baby in ky than you can go." It would have been a fine state to have a child but alas she stayed put. It's not that I am trying to make anything about the few weeks prior to her brith about me...because I am not. Far bigger and harder things were happening. But simply grateful that I didn't deliver on a plane or that when she did arrive on 1/14 that she was healthy. As we walk through complicated pregnancies with friends I am reminded daily that a healthy baby...well it is a precious miracle. So for our little lyles I see her life all wrapped up in what was happening preceding her birth and than three years before when freezing eggs were suggested. To which we opted to skip. I was talking to my sister yesterday as I party prepped and we joked..."ha who needs frozen eggs...not us!" See I know that life does not always work out the way we envision or hope or even beg for. So in the midst of the heartache we must try and seek joy. In the small and in the big. I can't even write about lyla on this blog without tears streaming down my face because I want to scream out loud that her life represents everything to me. All wrapped up into one tiny and sweet life. As she was sitting in her high chair eating cupcake número dos because you only turn one once I literally couldn't touch her or kiss her enough. her birthday brought me back to aves first birthday party. Which despite the food and family and decor (thank you sara) it was sad. Maybe I was just sad inside. Mid chemo treatments and although we were completely sure that I would fine it was just such a trying time. So three years later to be in a new home which I love and friends and kids and party decorating for both my girls who are celebrating another year of life. I feel full. The mess, the kids, the time with friends, and knowing that none of this is promised or exists for everyone. I didn't want to miss that or focus on things that don't matter. But my girls...I know that the life they lead and the woman they will become...that matters. So I won't stop. Teaching and guiding and comforting after scary dreams and changing diapers and cleaning up and doing laundry. Not because I love love all those things but because that's the package deal you get with kids. i often loose sight and get frustrated but yesterday gave me a breath of fresh air and the reminder that lyla wasn't always a done deal but she represents hope and how The Lord wants to bless up abundantly. It's our choice if we will miss his abundance if it ends of looking a little different than what we thought we signed up for...<div><br></div><div>But lyla. Man I am glad she's a part of what we signed up for...she's our little bundle of joy.</div><div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-wGCI-UdDznA/UtaG5Irw2QI/AAAAAAAADW0/YrTQviKvm8Y/s640/blogger-image-1285138511.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-wGCI-UdDznA/UtaG5Irw2QI/AAAAAAAADW0/YrTQviKvm8Y/s640/blogger-image-1285138511.jpg"></a></div></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-LLhk0YsxWKE/UtaGQkky_6I/AAAAAAAADWM/SpnOHKSPLYg/s640/blogger-image-1636978897.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-LLhk0YsxWKE/UtaGQkky_6I/AAAAAAAADWM/SpnOHKSPLYg/s640/blogger-image-1636978897.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-QKyRkMHkRoM/UtaG1KIx2_I/AAAAAAAADWk/rRTEEQkiP6Y/s640/blogger-image-885046379.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-QKyRkMHkRoM/UtaG1KIx2_I/AAAAAAAADWk/rRTEEQkiP6Y/s640/blogger-image-885046379.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-1mz8aKZ5vrY/UtaGzKQN-LI/AAAAAAAADWc/7cO8WbG7Axg/s640/blogger-image--730024935.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-1mz8aKZ5vrY/UtaGzKQN-LI/AAAAAAAADWc/7cO8WbG7Axg/s640/blogger-image--730024935.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-5SO3_OcFohc/UtaG7JAYdRI/AAAAAAAADW8/7nXFaExYc54/s640/blogger-image--1068225115.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-5SO3_OcFohc/UtaG7JAYdRI/AAAAAAAADW8/7nXFaExYc54/s640/blogger-image--1068225115.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-TljsDn4zKcU/UtaG89tBjBI/AAAAAAAADXE/ALVgi90dv50/s640/blogger-image--1434418653.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-TljsDn4zKcU/UtaG89tBjBI/AAAAAAAADXE/ALVgi90dv50/s640/blogger-image--1434418653.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-p-flDCvLP9k/UtaGOvDN8tI/AAAAAAAADWE/bf86hi20J5s/s640/blogger-image-703906773.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-p-flDCvLP9k/UtaGOvDN8tI/AAAAAAAADWE/bf86hi20J5s/s640/blogger-image-703906773.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-yX9dSDYEYU8/UtaG3IsvVcI/AAAAAAAADWs/C00WA5MiE-o/s640/blogger-image-1970828614.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-yX9dSDYEYU8/UtaG3IsvVcI/AAAAAAAADWs/C00WA5MiE-o/s640/blogger-image-1970828614.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-2IgxhPbqvLQ/UtaGKu2KUfI/AAAAAAAADV0/RJnAe7hSt2w/s640/blogger-image--819429087.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-2IgxhPbqvLQ/UtaGKu2KUfI/AAAAAAAADV0/RJnAe7hSt2w/s640/blogger-image--819429087.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-jhfwMTi_Z3Y/UtaGM-UQ9VI/AAAAAAAADV8/ZAcIx_KYySg/s640/blogger-image-828317572.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-jhfwMTi_Z3Y/UtaGM-UQ9VI/AAAAAAAADV8/ZAcIx_KYySg/s640/blogger-image-828317572.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Our girls. Praying to impact their lives even a tenth to how they've changed mine.</div></div></div></div>libbyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13276192531203696999noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1192031313610865107.post-19452254712208925652014-01-13T12:22:00.001-08:002014-01-13T12:22:06.783-08:00sharing a bit of our story.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
my sweet friend maureen works for an incredible website called...<span style="color: #76a5af;"><i><a href="http://takethemameal.com/"><b>takethemameal</b></a><b>.</b><a href="http://takethemameal.com/"><b>com</b></a></i>.</span> it is far more than a meal website and is full of recipes and encouraging writing. i emailed her a while back to share a little of our story and how our journey of cancer was impacted significantly by a meal website. i mean who doesn't love food dropped off at your doorstep...i know i do. people were so quick and willing to enter into our lives and help in ways that changed how we walked through that season of life. you can read more<i> <b><a href="http://takethemameal.com/blog/what-encouraged-me-most-during-cancer.php">HERE</a>. </b></i><br />
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we cant always or ever really remove pain and sorrow and heartache from those around us. but we <i>can </i>bring meals, send cards, babysit, clean, send emails, texts, gifts, etc. we can ease the burden in small ways. before cancer i often felt paralyzed when i heard other people's stories and what they were walking through and often thought...<i>oh, that is awful but what can we really do?</i> thankfully there really is a lot we can do and i continue to challenge myself to not forget how quickly and abundantly people cared for us. My desire is to pay that forward and never forget where we were just three years ago. also health update: on new years eve i got a clean report. blood work looks good and my physical went well. i will have another scan later this spring.<br />
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also little lyles turns 1 tomorrow. seriously. one. more on her tomorrow. i promise. </div>
libbyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13276192531203696999noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1192031313610865107.post-26098082687400493042013-12-17T06:27:00.001-08:002013-12-17T06:27:40.326-08:00Why the lack of writing...<div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-tQ8l6Mw27wo/UrBfQbW9srI/AAAAAAAADUc/r6p51sqDNro/s640/blogger-image--1461190304.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-tQ8l6Mw27wo/UrBfQbW9srI/AAAAAAAADUc/r6p51sqDNro/s640/blogger-image--1461190304.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-W6XJiu7U5zI/UrBfLfFzPUI/AAAAAAAADUM/wP2jqk9Yzu4/s640/blogger-image--540830695.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-W6XJiu7U5zI/UrBfLfFzPUI/AAAAAAAADUM/wP2jqk9Yzu4/s640/blogger-image--540830695.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-eLnBkP-Ms0c/UrBfOS4e1jI/AAAAAAAADUU/DFl7CawVM7Q/s640/blogger-image--809468574.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-eLnBkP-Ms0c/UrBfOS4e1jI/AAAAAAAADUU/DFl7CawVM7Q/s640/blogger-image--809468574.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-AF_OvlGjuWk/UrBfSlMMvaI/AAAAAAAADUk/MZhOPo1JR80/s640/blogger-image-235815230.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-AF_OvlGjuWk/UrBfSlMMvaI/AAAAAAAADUk/MZhOPo1JR80/s640/blogger-image-235815230.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-JVphUEup37Y/UrBfUlwfofI/AAAAAAAADUs/GpF7bmE3P78/s640/blogger-image--1302152786.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-JVphUEup37Y/UrBfUlwfofI/AAAAAAAADUs/GpF7bmE3P78/s640/blogger-image--1302152786.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-t1Qms7bSDgQ/UrBfWlCXP4I/AAAAAAAADU0/9NIdjZ-ZjI8/s640/blogger-image-73871154.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-t1Qms7bSDgQ/UrBfWlCXP4I/AAAAAAAADU0/9NIdjZ-ZjI8/s640/blogger-image-73871154.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Thank you for the scarf orders! I am overjoyed and overwhelmed. But in a good way.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><img border="0" src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-JVphUEup37Y/UrBfUlwfofI/AAAAAAAADUs/GpF7bmE3P78/s640/blogger-image--1302152786.jpg"></div><img border="0" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-AF_OvlGjuWk/UrBfSlMMvaI/AAAAAAAADUk/MZhOPo1JR80/s640/blogger-image-235815230.jpg"></div><img border="0" src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-eLnBkP-Ms0c/UrBfOS4e1jI/AAAAAAAADUU/DFl7CawVM7Q/s640/blogger-image--809468574.jpg"></div><img border="0" src="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-W6XJiu7U5zI/UrBfLfFzPUI/AAAAAAAADUM/wP2jqk9Yzu4/s640/blogger-image--540830695.jpg"></div><img border="0" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-tQ8l6Mw27wo/UrBfQbW9srI/AAAAAAAADUc/r6p51sqDNro/s640/blogger-image--1461190304.jpg"></div><br><div>See you again in 2014 when our furniture is finally assembled.</div><div><br></div><div>Merry week before Christmas!</div><div><br></div>libbyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13276192531203696999noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1192031313610865107.post-29567920692816584772013-11-24T13:09:00.001-08:002013-11-24T13:09:53.823-08:00Self promoting. Is that ok?So I got an email that one of the editors at healthline.com nominated the blog as a part of heathline.com 2013 best health blogs. Now because this blog is not totally about health per say I looked into it...<div><br></div><div>Thankfully I realized that this contest includes blogs under these categories: fitness, mental health, weight loss, health and oh, yes...lifestyle blogs. I would put us under that category. So basically anyone can nominate anyone who has a blog they like and feels is worthy of the title "best health blog." I will be the first to admit that my blog doesn't really pertain to weight loss or fitness but my heart is that the blog does focus on an overall theme of living a healthy life under the framework of family, kids, decor, life, my heart, the lord, a little cancer, marriage, friends, etc. the whole overall picture of life.</div><div><br></div><div>If you would like to vote for us you can. First prize is $1,000 and the contest ends on 1/20/14. You can vote once a day until then. This is sorta my attempt at redemption when Ava didn't win that animal noises contest. Even though so many of you faithfully voted. We got robbed. Haha. </div><div><br></div><div>this whole self promotion thing feels a little silly but I thought why not. We have a family of readers out there and it could be cool to win a little blog contest. </div><div><br></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; ">You can find our blog at</span><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; "> </span><a href="http://www.healthline.com/health/best-health-blogs-contest" target="_blank" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; text-decoration: none; ">http://www.healthline.com/<wbr>health/best-health-blogs-<wbr>contest</a><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; "> </span><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; ">by searching or sorting alphabetically.</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; "><br></span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; ">Let's see how dont waste your cancer of your life does in this contest. I would feel fancy and grateful if we won. Thanks readers and friends.</span></div><div><div><div><br></div></div></div>libbyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13276192531203696999noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1192031313610865107.post-31769343690844097532013-11-21T07:58:00.001-08:002013-11-21T08:00:46.397-08:00The houseI am writing from my phone...hence capitalization. I cant find my charger anywhere so my laptop has been dead all week. <div><br></div><div>because we have amazing friends we moved in two hours in Saturday. The fact that we moved two blocks up the same street also helped. Either way we our indebted to all those that helped. Thank you. <div><br></div><div>After everything was moved you are left with a house full of boxes. I guess adrenaline set in and a couple girls willing to organize our closet and keep the girls occupied made that possible. So we set up rooms and made beds and found toothbrushes and underwear. You know the essentials. after getting like 75% done this past week I have hit a bad spot. The house smells like paint and saw dust is covering our laundry room so washing clothes feels like a waste since you are washing them in a dirty room. Why not clean it up you ask...great question. maybe i am just stuck a little today and i would rather express my inability and lack of desire to unpack than actually unpack one more box.We have hit that point where most stuff is put away but we are waiting for furniture and floors to be done so you can't really move anything into those rooms until they are done. I am trying to tell myself that this is a part of moving and to enjoy it and to take it one box at a time. Sadly to be honest the boxes left sorta scare me because it's all random things that need a home and we aren't throwing away...just not sure where they are headed. This is not meant to sound all...poor me...or first world problems. I realize that I really have no room to complain since on top of friends willing to help and meals being brought nightly...life isn't all that bad. I know that. I promise. I just am trying to find that place between wanting to hide in my bed and just pushing through because it needs to get done at some point. So why not today? Right. Or maybe tomorrow. </div><div><br></div><div>Where we are today....moved in, loving our new house but not totally loving it's currently state. It's only 10:50am so maybe after a shower and a few minutes alone...I will rise to the occasion. </div><div><br></div><div>Excited for what this place is going to be. Yesterday I texted my friend who owns the house we've been renting for the past two years and told her we had moved out, cleaned up, and it was good to go. The Lord works in fun ways so the backstory to the house is cool. Long story short she had been reading the blog while i was sick and prayed for our family and has since shared our story with many other cancer patients and survivors and those needing some hope. Because our moved happened fast we ended up needing a place late in the game and preferably near campus and downtown. We ended up living in the perfect little house on Paul st over these past two years and she is the owner and was looking for renters exactly the same time we were looking for a place. Needless to say it was a gift for our family to find such a great place and knowing the owners cared about us and we shared a unique friendship. </div><div><br></div><div>Anyways...yesterday she texted back "I hope your new house blows the river house away." I cried then and I teared up now. Although I am overwhelmed with the mess and boxes and clothes everywhere...I already know for certain this place. Our first place we've ever owned is most certainly going to blow away the river house. Praying this home is a place of growth and warmth and people and family and memories and where my girls first real memories of a home will be. I love that. So I will unpack and organize even though I would rather take a nap. Because it takes some work to make a place a home and man I can't wait for this place to filled with more and more life and more and more joy.</div></div>libbyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13276192531203696999noreply@blogger.com1