the flying song.

clearly since it took me a week to get back to this place it means that nothing really happened that was more important than where ava pooped. not true. but she has not pooped anywhere else besides the toilet since last week. progress. basically it has just been hard to come and sit and write and make it all happen in the midst of life. i made a promise a while back that i would not force it. i would never force the blog. lately i have just been crazy exhausted and i am spending more of my computer time writing my notes for work than writing about my heart and my life. but i read plenty of other blogs where i know for certain they are busier and more tired than me and they bust out a little post. so it is really not about making excuses but more about where i am finding myself these days and for whatever reason it has not been here. but hold tight. don't leave us yet. it wont last. i am thankful for readers and emails and how i know the Lord is using this space in countless ways even though my writing is not the most consistent.

so where we are today: (added after i posted: this is not to offend anyone as we realize we are in the minority with this whole decision...)

happy halloween. i have never been that into this holiday. grew up dressing up and getting candy but never got into the skeleton, devil, and witch side of the whole thing. but because i can not shield ava from everything she has begun talking about witches and ghosts and caused us to stop and think. we are well aware that you can not protect your kid from everything. sheltering does them no good. but there is a time and a place for everything and at 2.5 years old we do not want her little mind filled with that stuff. i am down with candy and dressing up and having a great time but we have decided for our family...not yours...just ours that halloween will not be a real big deal. so instead when she wakes up we are making brownies with orange frosting, drinking apple cider, and having a family dance party. that was justin's idea. i realize that we will need to address this next year and then again as she gets older and her friend's are trick or treating and figure out what is best for her and for us. this year we were just taken a back a bit at how aware of it all she is and how she does not seem to miss a thing. so we decided we do not need to walk around the neighborhood as she observes an assortment of costumes...some that may scare her or some that she won't stop thinking about or talking about which is what has happened a bit for the last week or so.

what are your thoughts on halloween? or your family traditions around it?

ava did however wear her tinkerbell costume to run errands today. since oma took the time to get it all together for her she wore it for a bit and it is great for dress up since she is currently really into tutu's.

***

today as we drove around town we were listening to a cd from our friend's wedding and ava got a hold of this song called rocking chairs by the branches. she wanted it on repeat and loud. louder louder she yelled from that back and calls it "the flying song." it will for sure be heard on repeat during our fall dance party tonight.

***

a while back i wrote about feeling stuck and then wrote about movement. it has been almost a year since i wrote them and in many ways i am still in the same place. good sign? maybe not. i am sure there has been growth. we are always growing. but i re-read those posts as i have been thinking a lot about what i am learning about myself and jesus in a study i am doing with some friends called stuck by jennie allen. after those posts from last year i got an email from a friend. we have not met but we are still friends. blogs connect people. a bit from the first email:

 You mentioned in your most recent blog that you had experienced being stuck. And you have experienced being unstuck. :) These were powerful words to me, as I have spent a lot of time over the last couple years thinking about being stuck/unstuck. I am an editor in the Christian publishing industry. One of the last projects I worked on there before I resigned was one called Stuck by Jennie Allen. It is a Bible study for small groups and it is truly amazing. It's message is one I need to hear every day. It is life-changing. And I just wanted to share it with you in case you are interested. Jennie also has a book coming out this spring. She is like you in that she is vulnerable and courageous in sharing her heart. She is authentic and talks about her walk with God in a way very few people do. Here is the link to a little bit of info about Stuck: http://jennieallen.com/projects/stuck . It's not that I'm trying to promote the product, I really just think you would love it.

(she sent me a copy of the study and although it sat in my front hall closet for a few months it is out and it is challenging me and changing me)

more to come as i form my thoughts and ava just woke up from her nap. but i loved this from stuck:

freedom is found in:

~allowing God to defend me, even if that means I don't see it until heaven.

~accepting that my life is not right an fair now, but it will be.

~loving instead of defending or fearing or fighting.

~giving freely and not having a sense of entitlement.

~embracing my faults, rather than proving my point.

~releasing others' perceptions and understandings of me, and holding on to God's, since He knows my heart.

~embracing the dead of my rights and desires, and receiving His will for me.

He wants us to hear this and trust it, and we don't always know why. He never said it would be easy to follow him.

girl after my own heart. no one said anything was going to be easy. off to make cupcakes. enjoy!