reflection.

(this was written on thursday while flying home from oklahoma)
the absence on the blog should tell you that life lately has felt full. full and complete in the best way possible. our recent travels took us to kansas as we watched two people very much in love whom we are very close get married on a chilly day in the most gorgeous outdoor wedding i have ever been a part of.  justin married our dear friends john and stef and this time i sat in the back row and wept. thankful to be his wife and thankful that marriage even existed on that day for john and stef to begin their life as one. we were honored to be there and to be apart of one the best days of your lives. as we danced under the stars and i for some random reason decided to ignore the fact that i am 6 months pregnant with number two and i danced. like really danced. it's during these special moments with friends and food and dancing that i always try to take a step back even if i don't stop moving and be  thankful. for my life and my marriage and my sweet little girls. life is joyful. not all the time but this trip was full of more life than i can remember in a while and justin and i were barely on the same page all weekend. but that is marriage sometimes and you gotta love it and your best friend. at least i do.

oma and papa took ava for the weekend so we could assist in the wedding activities and enjoy very special time with a lot of people we really love. based on the steady steam of texts from my mom of ava at legoland, swimming, and going out to eat little aves had a great time. thankful for parents who love our daughter so well and so specifically. hence the tinker bell costume worn all weekend. that  would never have happened with me and that's why grandparents are the best.

more to come in our few days in tulsa with my parents and the chance i was given to share our story. i may even start a speaking tour. i mean if people are interested. what stuck out to me the most as i shared our cancer diagnosis and all that followed that life changing news i decided: when it's
your story it never feels that inspirational or extraordinary because it was just my justin and i walking down an unexpected road. but Jesus...He can make all things great. that is why our story just like your story is great when Christ is glorified.

right now i am sitting on the plane ride home and experiencing something i too often miss. i feel peaceful and settled. ava is sleeping next to me. the plane is mostly dark and adele is on repeat. a few things just occurred. i glanced at ava and began to cry. my strong and active little girl is sleeping and finally resting. she needs rest. number two is stretching or something because my ribs just moved. taken a back after sharing a season of life that brought much fear and unknowns to be alive and pregnant and experiencing life alongside ava. thankful i was not just a picture or a story or a faint memory. but being able to be her mom as i had always envisioned i would. there is a strange wes anderson movie on that i do not understand but makes me feel close to justin because he loves all wes anderson movies. but instead adele is moving inside my soul. she does that to me. every time she sings it elicits emotions that i hope are not fleeting but genuine and helps bring things to the surface that often stay inside. thankful for this sweet time.

we still have one more flight and we have been traveling for well over 9 hours but this little break. this time to reflect is such a gift. thank you ava for sleeping for 1 hr and 26 minutes to be exact. this is all i needed. just a little break. a little time to myself.

dreading having to explain to ava for the 5th time today that oma and papa will not be on the next
plane. poor girl can not wrap her head around the fact that we said goodbye to them until Christmas time. those of you that live close to your family do not forget to be thankful for all that family
means. regardless of what might be hard about it...i know for me that living closer to family will always be something i treasure. 

feeling a little sad and joyful on this late night flight. allow yourself the space and time to reflect. it puts our hearts in the place they were meant to be.

where you are right now. it's up to you whether you will choose joy.

it's up to you whether you will waste it or not. every big moment like a wedding or the small gift of a child sleeping. it is all a part of what makes life even matter.

you can do it Casey. it's hard but it's good.

i said if again a couple of times this week and i will say it again...i would not change cancer for anything. for all that it did to me and my relationship with Christ.

perfect timing. ava is up. both on the plane when i wrote this and right now as i edited it into blogger.

enjoy your weekend.