little Keller man.

i don't usually do this but i sent laura this post before i published it (new mom and wanted to make sure she was down with the pictures i was going to post. she just had major surgery and is lacking sleep...wanted to be sensitive to that). she approved.

our life has been on hold a bit as our best friend's welcomed a little man into all of our lives. please meet...keller benjamin wright. our godson. not my grandson. a little type-o i made on instagram and twitter. he is so precious and handsome.

  

laura called me while they were on the way to the hospital to tell me her water broke and i did not believe her. it was april fools and i for real thought she was joking. our whole conversation is recorded on video. hilarious. justin and i both planned on jumping in the car to surprise them but since ava had been sick we decided i would stay and justin would go

 

gotta love the suit and tie. when ava was born cliff showed up wearing his attire from our wedding. that still makes me smile. so unnecessary. kinda funny, but i love it. i mean the birth of a child is one of the few...this is like a huge deal. no practicals right now...we gotta be there. we gotta hold him. we gotta love our friends.

justin and i needed to get on the same page before his trip so we spent all day monday together when he got home. we talked through the tough stuff about our marriage. where we have dropped the ball. how we have gotten comfortable. stopped pursuing. being "too" busy and lost sight of the intentionality that is necessary for a crazy, deep, and intimate marriage. i mean crazy in the best way that can possibly exist. the too is in quotations because come on..."too" busy for your spouse? never and i mean ever. new rule for the ryder family. but marriage stuff is for another post.

this is about new life. babies. friends and what matters. life matters. the miraculous creation that is encompassed into a little life. a new little person with hopes and dreams and fears...but for now he is mostly focused on the basics. eat, poop, and sleep. but little baby keller will one day be a husband, father, and friend. his life matters. who he will become matters. what he is about matters. and without a doubt in my mind this little guy will be prayed for and loved so deeply the rest of his life because little man lucked out. he does not even have the faintest idea what he was born into. who is mom and dad are....like crazy lucky. cliff and laura are legit and real and honest and funny. we get each other. you know how you might have a hand full of people that really get you. like get you, get you...well these are two of those for us. they encourage us. teach us. are real with us and we have a created a space in our friendship where we can be brutally honest. about marriage. ministry. our faults. our fears. our joys. our heartache. it has been sweet and genuine and real.

i have not stopped thinking about two things: laura, you are stronger than you think you are and cliff, you love your wife so well. one last thing...you love ava as if she were your own and i have to cry as i think about the love and concern you have for our little girl...when you do not have to love her half the amount that you do. i hope to show you both and little keller the same kind of love you shower on little aves.

 

welcome to the club. the..."i do not know what i am doing half/most of the time but i know how to love. i now know a deep and selfless love like no other." something changes inside you when you become a parent. never again do you think and feel anything the way you did before. it is raw and real and life is no joke. you are responsible for another human. it is humbling. enjoy it and stay close to Jesus.

 

ava hung out with some girls (thank you, katie) yesterday so i could focus on baby keller and be with my friends so today she finally got to meet her new man. first thing she said when she got up (after barely sleeping. horrible night. sound asleep so i moved her right from her car seat to the pack n play and did not change her diaper. fail. she woke up at midnight scared. rocked her. still failed to change her diaper...lazy and exhausted. 2am i can hear her moving around and mumbling...no, no, no. i pick her up and she is soaked. like clothes. sheet. everything. not only is her diaper flooded she is freezing. mommy failure. clean her up and put on the dress she is wearing because i did not plan on staying overnight so i had nothing packed. warmed her up and put her in bed with me. first time ever. not because i am opposed to it necessarily...she just wont do it. so after 3 hours. yup i said 3 hours of on and off movement until we both fell asleep. moral of this story: change your child's diaper.) back to what matters...she asked all morning about baby keller and asked over and over if he would be wearing sparkle shoes like her...first thing she checked when she saw him...no sparkles. disappointed..but not by baby keller. she did not stop talking about him the entire drive home. is it love? we hope so.

 

mostly she liked playing in the cupboard.

  

going.

 

going.

 gone.

 waiting patiently to hold baby keller...but when the time came she got nervous so i stepped in.

 

 

 proud to walk through life with this new mama. can't wait to do this together...even at a distance. we are in this with you. for life.

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to celebrate motherhood...mamalode magazine is giving away a subscription to one random commenter. winner will be announced friday. the piece i wrote is in the latest issue!