Wednesday, April 18, 2012

where i am meant to be.

first off...thank you for the many kind words i received from many of you after reading the blog on monday. it encourages me and allows me to see that i am not alone in this with so many of you. whether we know each other or not it does not seem to matter. we are all trying to make it. just pushing through another day and attempting to not waste it...even when it hurts.

last week when ava and i drove home from ky...justin's mom met up with us followed us back home to viriginia for a little visit. over the past week i have enjoyed the luxury of more time to myself than i have had in a while. having the freedom to grab lunch with a friend or sit in starbucks simply because i can. no need to find a sitter...roma is in the house = laundry is done, closets organized, shirts are ironed, and ava has had about 500 books read to her.

honestly it has felt nice. nice to sleep in a few mornings. read. work. hang with friends. browse through stores simply because i can. no little two year old crying or asking to leave. i even got my nails done after my doctor appointment today. why? because i could and i found the best $10 manicure in town. then met my friend ashley for lunch and when were done i realized i had two hours before work and we could go get a mini dairy queen blizzard and stroll through tj maxx for things we may or may not  needed for our homes.

i have nothing to complain about as we have such phenomenal friend's and young life leaders who are more than willing to watch ava when i work or have errands or appointments...but family is different. i miss it.

but as we prepare for roma to drive back to ky and resume our normal routine and schedule...i realized when i got home from a meeting at work (where i learned the importance of music. try playing more music in your home and in the car. it is good for all of us) and had only seen ava for about 5 minutes all day...i missed her. like really bad. but i will say a tension remains. torn between loving being home with her all day and the joy of working, feeling productive (i know i am productive with her too). the foreign world of meetings and starbucks and conversations without any interruptions. aspects that are nice and i have enjoyed the freedom that roma being here has offered. but i like that i can have both. the joy of being able to say home with ava and do life with my girl and enjoy the change of pace this week has offered. i believe both exist quite well together. thankful for it all and random afternoon visits to a petting farm. yes, ava loves animals & for now i know i am exactly where i am supposed to be.

check the is seriously growing. also it is decided that bunnies are her new favorite. tears came when we had to say goodbye.

i rarely share the music i am listening too mostly because i am usually at least like 9 months behind cool music and am slightly embarrassed about it. but after tonight i am motivated to make music a more intricate part of our family. my heart has always moved from music and evokes something in me i had no idea was there and i want to tap into that more. so here judging allowed. this is a safe place.

shake it up.   someone like you.

we are young.


  1. speaking of music, keep your eyes open for this: rains for roots ( coming may 15 if you want some kids music with lyrics to love but not tunes to make you crazy. =) i think you may know some of those artists through young life perhaps? also, slugs & bugs ( has some solid lullabies. the songs are fun, too. my 2-1/2-year-old can sing most of the three albums. just thought i'd throw some ideas your way if you're wanting more music in your home!

  2. Love those songs! Loved what you said about true! I guess God wired us for both...loving time with our children, and appreciating time away. Time to re-charge makes us better when we're with them. I love that you're savoring it all -- home or away.

  3. Beautiful pictures.......Glad you had a good time. Love the new banner picture of Ava. What a cutie.

  4. okay so couple things:
    1. i cannot get enough florence and the machine- so great choice.
    2. youre hair is getting so long and i love that for you.
    3. youve always been a hero to me, but seriously thank you for your life, the love between you & ryder (i was reading a letter josh sent me at saranac and said how thankful we were to be able to see how you guys handled cancer- a testament for our future relationship together- i dont think we tell you that enough, but we are so blessed by your guys love for each other), and for letting me borrow your boots.

    love you, ryder, & tell ava we said hello.


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