playing catch up.

first off...thank you thank you for the incredible comments and emails that were written after this post. it is comforting to know that i am not alone in this. that we are all a little messy.

***

it was a busy weekend. in a good way. work. leadership. mexican food with our yl team. where ava on her own asked our server for..."guagamoly please." she then proceed to ask to get out of her high chair so she could say hi to friends. two little girls were sitting next to us so she joined them for a bit. she likes having friends. i like that she is social. headed home late. got up saturday and had all of our yl team leaders over for breakfast. justin was ambitious and the night before went to the store and got everything for pancakes. i had to run to the store early on saturday because the coffee he had bought the night before was previously opened. here is how it went...

that was just funny to me. great morning with leaders.

***

then our fridge stopped working. so i brought a ton of food to my friend ashley's house so it would not spoil. put some stuff in coolers. someone came and fixed it and there really was not much to fix...somehow the freezer temperature gauge had been turned down so low nothing was able to stay cold. later that night we went bowling. i did surprising well and ava was hyper. like out of control running everywhere. after we were done a few us hung around and had a little dance party with ava. girl loves to dance. put her to bed and watched moneyball. um we loved it. justin said at least twice...babe, i love this movie. for what it's worth we liked it.

***

got up sunday and felt a little funny but headed to church anyways. where i proceeded to throw up three different times before we headed home. slept. threw up. slept. ate a bagel. tried to lay on the couch with ava while she watched curious george. it was impossible. she was all over me. threw up in the laundry room sink. gross i know. justin told me. threw up a little more. slept. missed out on two possible super bowl parties. thankfully justin and ava will still able to attend. drank some gatorade and went to bed. woke up this morning feeling better but anxious about all that i needed to do for work this morning. finished my progress notes and other paper work and the day began. like five errands later ava is napping and about to do the same. trying to fight the anxiety i have about my growing list of things to do and how desperately i need to clean. it will have to wait. i am attempting to live life with a bit less doing and more being. more present if you will. not defined so much as a doer but a be..er (made the word be..er up. need spaces or else it would have been beer and that would not have made any sense.

***

more to come this week. like a fun giveaway and we have a little something or maybe a huge something to celebrate on thursday. try one year anniversary from my last chemo. WOW.

love him more today than every before. being on the same page in marriage is so key. let's stay on the same page, paragraph, sentence, and word for life. we do not have it all together. yesterday we fought over dumb stuff like..."are you really sick? i mean you were not sick last night." how silly is that. but we got in bed and apologized for where were both fell short. gotta do it. set the pride aside people and fall in love.

p.s still running and i still hate it.