let's start with pure joy. thank you narnia girls for loving her so well today.
lately i have felt different. like i am experiencing my own life in a new way. i feel more myself than i have in a while. i bit more comfortable in my own skin. i certainly have missed it. the last year and half was an out of body experience for me. i mean i was alive. i was moving. i was present. i am well aware of what happened and where we were and where we are and the changes we have walked through. but i finally seem to be catching my breath. able to feel secure and confident and peaceful. not all the time. i still struggle with being myself and feeling totally comfortable and not worrying about what people think of me or don't think of me. but i am seeing the light. i am hopeful. i have hope for this new town. these new people. this new beginning. i love relationships. i am thankful for the friendships that span across the country. but this new place in life has left me stuck in many ways. finding myself more considered about people's opinion than being true to who i am. i am not that confident or that strong or that sure of what i am. let's just get that out there. it's freeing to be honest. i have struggled with even knowing who i am this year. so that all seemed to collide when we moved somewhere new and i carried this heavy weight of...i feel like i am supposed to be all of these things and i am not sure what that is so in turn i am failing because i am not sure of who i am or what i am about. please do not miss this. i know that in Christ i am full and complete. i hold these truths close. i find my foundation in that. but since i am a little bit of a mess and do not have it all together i felt so uncomfortable in my own skin. not every second or every day or every week...but it was always lingering. this horrible pressure. that no one put on me...but me. which seems to be the case most of the time.
but the hope. the glimpse i have been living out this past week or so has given me such life. such vision. such peace and such joy. today after a few leaders left our living after a great couple hours of talking and connecting and lots of..."yes...totally...i agree...i feel the same way..." i felt alive. i felt like screaming...YES...this is what it is about. talking. connecting. ava running around without pants on b/c she is working the whole potty thing and she screaming and jumping and then sometimes a little too quiet (to which i found her reading in her room...precious). this is life. this is freedom. this is being a mom while walking alongside so many people i care so deeply for. i felt like myself and it was natural. i have missed natural and easy. justin and i had dinner with some new friends last night and for nearly four hours we sat around the table and talked and shared stories and a new friendship was born. all the while our two little girls playing and laughing and literally destroying the house. but they were living. doing what kids need to do and should do.
these are just two examples of where i have seen a shift. a shift from being a little wounded and overwhelmed with life. again, not all the time...but whether it was on the surface or pushed way down deep it was there. this uncomfortableness that i could not escape.
i am seeing new relationships form and beginning to go deep and be real and fun. people are fun and i love being with people, but i also like to be alone. i have embraced that about myself. i sometimes just need a second. i am not totally confident. i have not arrived but i am moving. i am seeing such hope and joy from really doing life alongside my new friends and my heart feels full and peaceful. i am thankful people have accepted us and pursued us and shown us grace in this new season of life. i love that i am still walking through life post cancer and discovering where it is taking me and for now...i am hopeful and looking forward to the future. i just had this random thought...it is so funny what ends up on the blog when so much goes unwritten and not shared. along with this new hope has come living on a budget (i hate it), thinking i was pregnant (which i am not), getting good time with justin and our family, working, exhaustion, and thinking about my new grey and white chevron curtains more than any human should think about fabric.
such a time as this...jmu graduation tomorrow, almost summer, the pace of life seems to slow a bit & i am ready for it.
the view from the top of our street.
yup, those are mountains in between all the trees.
yup, those are mountains in between all the trees.
i love angie. i am so proud of how far she has come and that she is making her God given talents and passions a reality...sister has a little business that one day will be a big business. we all start somewhere. angie designed our blog a few months ago and i love it. it feels like me and she just finished up on my friend elizabeth's new blog design. she is using her graphic design skills and creativity to make custom wedding invites, save the dates, birth announcements, etc (all found on her design blog HERE). but today she officially opened her ETSY shop full of creative and real prints for your home, office, dorm, etc. what is perfect about her prints is that you can print them off at home. when you purchase a print a PDF file is sent to your email within 24 hours. no shipping and handling. no waiting. boom...ready to go. i have this one ready to be hung in little ava's nursery. we sing it to her every night. this one will be gracing our walls very soon as well..gotta love katie davis.
***in celebration of her etsy shop opening...how about a GIVEAWAY just for us? because everyone loves something for free and it is fun to win something. one lucky commenter will get THIS print (also see below). it is one angie's favorite and my mine too. giveaway will end sunday 5/7 at 6pm. tell me...what you are hopeful about? comment away and winner will be announced monday night. ***
happy weekend. let's really enjoy it.