don't waste your cancer & a giveaway.

anything bold and black is a link

we know i am all about not wasting your cancer...or your life. but i have never actually used that as a title for a post. but today i am. i woke up this morning (writing this thursday but posting friday. tricky) and immediately thought i got chemo today last year. this exact day i received chemo. it was by far my worst treatment of the 12. not sure why. there really was no rim or reason. all i know is that from 10am thursday to 10am monday i threw up anything and everything. even a few saltines made me sick. it was really awful. i remembering laying in bed and begging...pleading to the Lord to take it all away. the cancer. the pain. the nauseous. the fatigue. on sunday morning while justin and his mom were at church and ava was napping. she probably should have gone with them but she was sick too and when i was sick i struggled a bit with control and wanting to prove to whoever...clearly myself that i could still take care of ava regardless of how sick i was. this day was no different. as i laid in bed i wept. over the pain. over the cancer. over my life. over my fear. over how much i was missing out on life. i now know that in many ways these valleys. these trials. my cancer...well...this is life. we have no idea what is in store or what is ahead. but we can choose to fear it or we can choose joy in it.

choose joy. 

i think if you know me personally or know me through this blog than you know that cancer was not easy. i did not like it. i hope i never get it again. but i did learn very quickly and held it tight throughout my treatment that in the midst of pain and fear and asking god why? it only brought me to a place
of despair and anger. you need to allow yourself to feel. but after much reflection and reading emails from people about someone they know with cancer and not knowing what to do or say i believe my encouragement is this... simply this...choose joy.

i am still reading one thousand gifts and loving it.

i read this a week or so and it is not even from the author. it's from scripture. something i have read many times before. but i could not stop thinking about it as i began to write this post.

"I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. I know now how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether is it with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little."  Philippians 4:11-12

but what Ann Voskamp helped me see...really see for the first time is what Paul says twice...


learned.  


nothing happens overnight. nothing is automatic. we can not just tell our hearts to feel a certain way and then it does. like it is with cancer...or with any type of suffering or joy...in order to find life. fullness. joy. real joy is to learn to live in such a way where your heart yearns and craves for joy. it's simply the nature of your heart. as Ann says, "learn to live fully...like i know my skin, my face, the words on the end of my tongue. Like I know my own name. Learn to be thankful-whether empty or full. Could the list (her one thousand gifts) teach me even that hard language? Over time? Gratitude in the midst of death and divorce and debt-that's the language I've got to learn to speak-because that is the kind of life I'm living, the kind I have to solve. If living in gratitude is the key to unlocking the mystery of life, this I want."

also for me...this i want.


my inbox has been full of new cancer stories lately. other young sick mom's. many with babies. trying to do it all in the midst of it all. some are sharing their story just like us. but for now it is still to hard for me to read. at least it was last night. i know it is Christmas time and no one should have to be sick at Christmas, but many people are...my encouragement is this: although i do not know your story or
what is ahead...this season will pass. you will not be the same. cancer will change you. but my prayer
is that you are made new, healed, and full of life. i hope you begin to develop a far grander vision of the Lord and your life.

choose joy.

i hate chemo. i hate it for you. i wish it were not your story. i really do. no one picks this story. but this will not always be your life. although every story is different and unique...i can only speak of my own. but one year later we are in a new house, new job, and new town. this Christmas my time and energy is spent decorating, baking, shopping for gifts, hosting Christmas parties, wrapping gifts, and living. really living. if you had told me this last year i would not have believed you.

even when it hurts and your sick and your scared and your angry and your real and your raw. i believe 
you can experience all that and still choose joy. i tried to then & i try to now.

everyday in every moment we are given the chance to decide what are we about...how we act...how we speak...how we respond. without joy we may quickly become bitter and angry.  but what if...even in the midst of chemo, dr appts, scans, blood work, fear, anger, and pain...

choose joy.

it was nice of people to tell me that this would not always be your life and chemo was healing me...but i hate chemo. i am thankful it exists and the Lord used it to destroy the cancer inside
me but it sucks. i get it. every story is different and i will not pretend i know you and your circumstances or the road you are on...but if it's cancer than i have walked a similar road.

there is another side.

this will not always be your life.

it will end. it always does.

cancer will always be a part of your story but not your whole story. last year it was our story. we were walking right in it...but now...on the other side of cancer. the healed side (that is all i know how to speak to). it's a part of our life. mostly our hearts. they are new and know grateful on a whole new way.

i pray your heart does not become callus and hard and bitter. although there maybe be seasons and moments of that. do not stay there forever. we were not meant to.

so if you will or at least consider it...
choose joy.

in cancer we tried our best and it made all the difference. in life post cancer we are continuing that and it is making all the difference. don't waste it.

*** now on a lighter note and because it's the weekend baby

let's have a giveaway ***

our sweet Katie from One Delightful Button is giving away a $25 credit + free shipping to her adorable store. check out her adorable shop HERE.

to enter simply "like" her on facebook HERE & then come back to our blog and leave a little comment love.

winner will be announced monday on the blog!

lastly i am linking up with another libby today in her 10 things series. check it out HERE.

don't waste your cancer. choose joy. celebrate the weekend.