triple r ranch and getting up early.

weekend recap...but first her scrunched little nose. so precious.

we spent the weekend in chesapeake and it felt good. the drive there took forever. sometimes it flies by and other times is seems to crawl. we hit traffic basically everywhere you could imagine. thankfully ava was great. she does well on road trips and that eases my anxiety. as long as she has her books. dvd player and she some snacks, preferably the small stick pretzels. i had mixed the sticks and the twists into the bag i gave her and from the back seat she said, "here you go momma.." as she handed me, one at a time each of the twists. she knows what she likes. can't argue with that.

we spent some time praying for the weekend and justin practiced two of this four talks (he is speaking this coming weekend in Ohio and we are going to video tape them this time. in case you would be interested in hearing him speak). i am bias. always will be. but they were really great. justin is a phenomenal public speaker and that was clear after he shared this weekend. the truth of who Jesus is and why He came to this earth and what that means for our life now. it means everything. i sat in the back of the room as he shared about sin and the condition of our hearts. he shared our story. the day we were diagnosed and how i was dying on the inside even though from the outside i appeared fine. so it is with our condition of sin. we may appear to be fine but in actuality we are dying. i wept. a steady stream of tears that i could not seem to stop. i went back to where we once were and how our life, our story, our cancer is being used for something so much greater. that was our hope from day one.

in addition to the scrunched nose she is loving the lip. not when she is sad just whenever she feels like it. usually if makes an appearance when she is acting shy or nervous or clingy.

 

ava and her favorite guys. but daddy is her most favorite.

we had great time with friends this weekend. thanks grassfield girls for taking the time to grab coffee and come to triple r. we loved being with you all this weekend. what a joy you are to my life.

thanks leslie for taken some picture for us. loved meeting your high school girls and getting the chance to spend this time together. your friendship is so dear to me.

 

i have been talking about this forever and not actually following through with it...but today i did it.

i got up before ava.

i had time to drink coffee. spend time with the Lord. shower. respond to emails. start laundry. all before ava woke up. i am going to try and do this every day from now on...i felt entirely different having spent time with the Lord before anything else began. it was a joy. will try again tomorrow.

this morning i was looking back on my journal and read this from when i was sick...

dear you. i love you. for many reasons but mostly because i deserve nothing and you give me everything. thank you for providing me your arms when i can not seem to stand alone. i pray i never leave this place. sick or healthy i will cling to you.

my desire remains the same although i am in a much different season of life. i know i am quick to forget the utter dependence i had on the Lord when i was sick. but i want to remain solely dependent on Him. even though i fail everyday.

what about you?

tomorrow is a special day. a little bittersweet. celebrating life but quickly recalling the fear in wondering...will i be here for another birthday? the answer is YES! YES! YES! tomorrow we will celebrate.