reality hits hard.

ava and i arrived home last night after a nine day trip to ky. that is a long time. in a good way. my anxiety about flying alone with ava eased as we made it through the first leg of the trip in glorious fashion. i am not sure who that little girl was who flew with me yesterday but either way it made for an easy plane ride home. we were greeted by justin and as soon as ava saw him she went running. i love the love between them. ava has always been a bit of a momm'a girl but that is changing more and more. anytime i mentioned dadda while we are gone...she would pretend cry. she sure did miss him. i missed him too.

it was sad to leave. the little glimpse of life right near my family was nice. but it was just a glimpse. it was all about several days of halloween festivities, the horse track, running errands, meals out, shopping, starbucks, late night talking and the honest joy of simply being together.

i know that being close with your family and your in laws is such a gift. they are not really in laws to me. that is just what everyone says i guess. it is always so clear to me when i am there and then when i leave and look back...what a treasure family is. i am thankful for mine. more now than ever.

so now we are home and it is about laundry. bills. cleaning up. grocery shopping. catching up with friends, running errands. emails. phone calls and finding a little job. (yup i am going to start working again. just not sure what that will look like or what i am doing. still holding out for that perfect scenario where i can still be home with ava, have flexibility, and make money. does that exist? if so please let me know). 

i told justin this morning reality hits hard. boom back from vacation and it starts. i know it is normal because we all experience it but i wish we got just one day to chill and ease back into it. not the case.
but i would not trade little vacations for anything in the world. even when the coming home part is hard. it still is worth it. more than worth it.

a few highlights from the trip:
*a nice little road trip with roma and ava. 
*being with my dear dear friends in lexington and finally seeing all there pretty houses.
*errands with my sister. (seriously i like being the passenger)
*ava with her cousins.
*ava holding her own with her two big boy cousins.
*ella's deep love for ava or as jack now calls her...avie
*drinking lots of coffee.
*celebratory dinners out and in.
(it is funny when you start writing your highlights down and realize you could about 50. that means it was a good trip.)
*the four days worth of halloween events.
*pedicures. opi's private jet. i love it. (thanks aunt janie)
*putting my niece to bed. wait...her requesting that i put her to bed. enough said.
*being genuinely proud of ava and her behavior and the little girl she is becoming. i love her so.
*sisters.
*realizing as ava and i sat on the plane about to take off sitting in her own little seat that my baby is not a baby anymore. but a talking. running. really smart little girl.

there is something unique about life now. just the deep sense of thankfulness that i feel in my heart. i may not always act like it and i get caught up in life and everything going on. but my heart. it bursts with joy for where i am today and where i was last year. even though i hate my hair right now. more than ever in this whole growing it out process...thanks angie and allison for your styling assistance. i know that it could be much worse than worrying about my silly hair. i am thankful to be here and to meet people who have shared in our story and the encouragement they found. to hear of more women battling through where we were last year. thank you for reaching out and allowing me to enter into your story.

to never going back but only moving forward.

 that smile.

let's end with a little video of ava dancing. she is currently obsessed with the movie happy feet...
you may want to turn down the volume because my voice is obnoxiously loud. sorry about that.