Thursday, May 19, 2011

3 months and a ct scan.

today marks our three month anniversary of cancer free! what a joy. really. three months. wow. so fast and yet seems like yesterday in some ways too. but in the midst of that joy i got to begin the day with drinking a large berry "smoothie" in prep for my scan. its not a smoothie. not at all. but they call it that. it creates a contrast inside you to help them see if there is cancer or no cancer. we are praying for no cancer.

its been hard around here lately. some cancer stuff and some not cancer stuff. justin and i did get to sneak away to virginia beach on tuesday for the night minus little ava. it was good to get away. to enjoy the ocean. we love the ocean. and enjoy the amazing gift we have of living on water. its incredible. we like little getaways. even if its for less than 24 hours. its nice to talk, take a walk, read, rest, and be together. that time with my husband is so good for me. to just slow down in the midst of it all.

but...

sometimes when we slow down i do begin to over think everything. like why am i so tired lately? is cancer back? no its not back. not possible. how could it. its only been three months and lymphoma is a slow growing cancer. i am just tired for normal reasons. that little pain in my hip. its in my head. i am sure of it. its not as bad as it was before so it must be nothing. round and round i go. who am i? this is not me i don't think. i am pretty tough. i try and see what's good in the midst of what's not so good. i do trust the Lord. i am just having a hard time slowing my thoughts down before they get out of control. praying for peace. lots of peace. and resting in Him. i got a text this morning as i was driving to the my scan and i said...i am not as strong as i used to be. to which she responded...it's okay, He's got you. true and true. He does. everyday. if i allow myself to rest in what is true not become overtaken by the lies in my little head.

cancer has been on my mind a ton lately. not in a good way. in a scary way. but two things have come from it.  although the idea of cancer returning causes a big lump in my throat and tears form in my eyes. we will do it. we will go through it again if we have to. because His plan is the prefect plan and i trust His over my own. and by next week when we get the results i can laugh about this post and how crazy scared i have been lately. that's my hope. laughter. lots of it over my week of anxiety.

thanks for those of you that this read blog and are continuing on with our family as we entire into many new phases of this whole cancer thing. there has been a little more cancer talk on the blog lately than i would have hoped. but its heavy on my heart and it's what's going on in this house right now. not overtaking it. not at all. but a little subtle underlying tone.

good thing life keeps happening...laundry, mopping, ava's doctor appointment today, cleaning my car, grocery store...the usual.

will post results when we know something. thanks for your encouraging words and prayers. it really has and does make all the difference.

18 comments:

  1. Praying for your continued healing, and wishing for nothing but the greatest of results next week. God has you wrapped in his arms, and He will take care of you.

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  2. You are so strong, and He does have you... so continue to pray and I know everyone that reads this blog even though we don't know you personally, we are all praying for you too! :) And if it makes you feel any better, I am tired every day too lol it's just the stress of life in general I think that makes us tired!

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  3. Praying against anxiety and fear, and praying for complete peace and hope in Jesus! He is your rock with or without cancer! much love Libby!

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  4. I'm trying to become a runner and have realized how much I need to rely on God in order to do something that other people make look so effortless. Last night I was able to finish my run because I was praying for you while I was doing it. You're definitely being lifted up!

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  5. Praying for the results of the scan to be clear and that you would have peace. His plans are perfect and He loves you!

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  6. Satan does not like all that you and Justin have been doing for God's glory. You are under attack. Proclaim your trust in Jesus' name. Fear and anxiety are not from the Lord. Try to focus on the Father.

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  7. Hoping this posts this time. And hoping this comment finds you picking old fries off the floor of your car instead of worrying. Look at me, you don't want to become an old wrinkled worry wart like your sister in law, do you?
    Praying in Kentucky.
    Love you

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  8. Praying you through this waiting period love!

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  9. Praying for strength, peace, and trust for you and Justin. You're so strong, Libby!! Prayers and hugs for you and your family...

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  10. Praying for you sweet Libby. Also--side effects from chemo (especially fatigue) can last a while. They can even come and go depending on other factors in your life--stress will definitely make those side effects rear their ugly heads again.
    So try to relax and not worry about things. God is in control and He already knows the outcome--He knew it before you were ever even diagnosed. So nothing you can do will change it. :-)

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  11. Sending prayers and much love your way! ~Shirl

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  13. Hi Libby! Just letting you know I'm still here - still read your blog and still think of you all the time!

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  14. Be Strong! God is going to bless! Hoping and praying for great results to lift you up! :)

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  15. I know that for the first year after my father-in-laws lymphoma was "gone" - every scan he had brought fear and he was SURE it was back. Each time it wasn't and those fears and little pains slowly went away. I'll be praying for you and that all is clear but I will also be praying for strength as well!!

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  16. Congratulations Libby,
    Only happy healthy peaceful days ahead!
    Hugs for Strength

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  17. Congratulations! How far are you from VA Beach? I am trying to make a trip the week of June 6th. I'd love to meet you since I missed the chance in Nashville. xoxo

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